I don't know what to do. I recently found out that my husband of 20 years has cheated on me with not only the only "friend" that I have out here, but the way he did it is terrible. She was a stripper when we met, but she became a good friend quickly because she was so kind to my family during a severe time of need. We had just moved to NC, and were struck with a house fire after only a few weeks here. We didn't know anyone & she opened her home & heart to us. I had never been around people of her profession, but after many talks, was able to understand and not judge her for it & she and I became fast friends. That was 7 years ago. Last year, my husband fixed her truck for her when she didn't have any $, was really having a hard time of her own, I thought he did it out of friendship, instead he "charged" her by having her give him 4 "private parties". I want to hate her for her part in this, but I can't! I want to make him pay for what he did, to both of us, but I can't, because even though I feel like he is a dirty, rotten, cheating #*^&*@!, I still love the idiot VERY MUCH. He told her his reason was because I never felt good, I was always hurting too much,or was too tired. That is an out right lie! Because in 20+ years, I have NEVER turned him down, no matter how I was feeling!! Because even when I wasn't feeling well, being with him always made (& makes) me feel better. I don't know what to do, what to feel, how to get him back. I have decided to start working on myself. Over the years I have gained a bit of weight, that I personally hate, and as of 7/7/04 I have started drinking more water,less soda, eating better, and walking. That's about all I can do right now, as I have artheritis, and am so financially distressed that I had to file bankruptcy, he didn't file, just me. Somebody please help me!! I really have no one that I can turn to, no one to talk to, and still feel like he's keeping more from me, but that will have to wait until later or I will never get this sent.

geez, thats rough. how did you find out?

geez, thats rough. okay, i see how you found out. did you confront him?

Yes, just a few days ago, he tried to lie about it, I gave him "details". He then tried to say that it was her idea to do the "parties", but I don't think it was. You see, I know that she was never happy about her former "profession". I also know that she feels as if I am the only person on the planet she can trust. I believe that the guilt of hurting me finally got the best of her. You see, she totally disappeared for about 10 months, she just contacted me a few days ago and I confronted him the next day. Also, my husband has decided to try to get a job in GA, so he's gone for days lately & rarely calls. We have 3 teenage sons, 2 of them have problems w/depression, as does my husband. If he keeps up acting like he has been, I'm going to end up just plain crazy. Thanks for responding,I sure needed to hear something from someone.

How sad, that your guy turned on you and your friend. I wonder is there any alchol or drugs involved?

One of my old friends was an x prostitute and I too, had never befriened anyone with her occupation. She worked hard to keep her life straight, raised her two kids, on welfare.

We had a great friendship and never, never did she ever come on to my xh, never lewed, flirted,etc.

Later in her life pressures over took her and she and her sister (former stripper) brother in law ended up getting her to drink and do drugs with them after her being sober for so many yrs.

Sadly one night her BI came over to help with some house problems, she and her brother inlaw got messed with drugs, alchol, then one thing led to another they messed with each other.

My girlfriend after sobering up was absolutely devastated and horrified by having sex. She fell apart that she would betray her sister. She wasn't in love with him, or anything. In fact she had gone without a boyfriend for years. She felt that her getting drunk and getting high was no excuse.

They all felt terrible, and it was a one time act, they eventually forgave and moved on.

How did you find out? Where has your h gone? Why was he doing this before?

As terrible as it is, it reveals what your man is about.

Sending you big hugs......

don't go crazy. keep on reading these other peoples posts, it will help you to realize your not alone, and it keeps you SANE. i was going crazy for a while too , but its just counterproductive, if you want to save your marriage. heartbreak is terrible, you say "why me? what did i do to deserve this pain?" but just realize you can't change him, can't control him. you can only change yourself, and hopefully become stronger.

Well, my husband was supposed to either call me last night or be home. I haven't heard a word from him. Twice now, once yesterday and just a few min. ago I broke down crying in front of my kids. The two younger ones have no idea what is wrong with me, and I can't let them know either. My oldest son, who just turned 20, is aware of "most" of this crap, he just doesn't know who the OW is, is going to be leaving in about 10 days to VA to look for work. He's my rock, and he's leaving me, which he needs to do, but Rus is the only person that I can lean on. I can't do this anymore, not now, can't quit this stupid crying long enough to type. Just for info my other 2 sons are 16 & 17.