It's 8:11.<P>Merry Christmas, babe.<P>It's been a few hours now since you watched me have a total and complete emotional meltdown.....<P>It's now been a couple of hours since I told you I wanted to leave, that you and our angel would be far better off without an emotional wreck like me around as an example for him to copy...and you telling me that if I really believed that, then I obviously was not thinking clearly....you did not need this crap right now, I know that.....<P>I went upstairs,to my bedroom, put a few trinkets together, started to put some clothes together...<P>and came back downstairs......<P>You made me sit down, you made me eat something....<P>you and our son came and gave me christmas cards that you snuck off to the kitchen to make...<P>and now I see....<P>so what...no turkey dinner...no gifts under the tree....hey, at least there is a tree, we have such different expectations of this holiday..as you said....but that hug our son gave me was better than anything that could have been under the tree....<P>pea soup in a cup given to me out of love, concern and caring means more than a 10-course gourmet christmas meal....we got home too late for the family party at a relatives...but we are here, together, in our home, with our son,..........and it all could have turned out so very differently...<P>I am feeling quite selfish for my bizarre tantrum earlier....and I can't quite explain it, I still feel like sitting here and crying...maybe you are right...I'm really tired... <P>I am looking at you right now as I type this, and you are beautiful....and I love you so very much....and I still get butterflies...<P>Thank you so much for the wonderful christmas gift of your patience...It was EXACTLY what I needed....<P>I love you.<P>I have realized that I am not ready yet to forgive what you did....<P>but that I may be able to forgive YOU for doing it.<P>So, for this Christmas, when we we sit here and celebrate the birth of a really amazing human being who said that we should love one another, that we should be nice to each other, was born,...... I give you my love and forgiveness.<P>I also forgive myself... <P>I found this at Jim's site.....you have to learn this on the guitar for me...<P>TOMORROW'S GONNA BE A BRIGHTER DAY- Jim Croce<P>Well I'm sorry for the things that I told you<BR>But words only go so far And if I had my way I would reach into heaven <BR>And pull you down a star<BR>Or a present in a big huge chain outta diamonds Or pearls from a But all I can give you is a kiss in the mornin<BR>And a sweet apology<P>Well I know that it hasn't been easy<BR>And I haven't always been around<BR>To say the right words <BR>Or to hold you in the mornin <BR>Or to help you when your down<BR>I know I never showed you much of a good time<BR>But baby things are gonna change<BR>I'm gonna make up for all of the hurt I brought<BR>I'm gonna love away all your pain<P>And tomorrow's gonna be a brighter day<BR>There gonna be some changes<BR>Well tomorrow's gonna be a brighter day<BR>This time you can believe me<BR>No more cryin in your lonely room and no more empty nights<BR>Cause tomorrow mornin everything'll turn out right<P>Well there's somthen that I gotta tell you<BR>Yes I've got something on my mind<BR>But words come hard <BR>When you're lyin in my arms<BR>And I'm lookin deep into your eyes<BR>Well there's truth and consollation<BR>What I'm tryin to say<BR>Is that nobody ever had a rainbow baby,<BR>Till he had the rain<P>Merry Christmas<P>I love you.<P>Dylan<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>so maybe you wanted a martyr....just a regular gal would'nt do..but baby, I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you...Jim Croce

Merry Christmas... Dylan & Deut... <P>Jim

I'm kind of at a loss for words...<P>Your forgiveness is the best gift could have ever hoped or dreamed for. I have a long way to go towards being the man you deserve. I'm not putting myself down here- I feel I have a good handle on my self worth, but you deserve the absolute best. <BR>At the risk of sounding arrogant, I will say that I beleive I have the potential to become that man. I will be a long journey.... perhaps a lifetime, but if you're up for it, I'll make it worth your while. <BR>Together we can break that old circle and weave a new one. Starting today. ...Acchhk... ...make that yesterday!<BR>We have come so far, rebuilding ourselves and each other. You can't let a bad day be a definitive of our current state of affairs. Everybody has em. Heck my break down was what? 2 days ago? I'll admit yours was more of a show, but at least you didn't break anything. And hey, remember my clumsy night, th'other night, that was some pretty harsh stuff, you must agree... (sheepish grin)<P>I bet we are sure giving these MB folk something to talk about! <BR> <BR>Christmas means different things to different people, and I know that this one isn't going as planned or hoped, but if you look at why, you'll see that we are actually doing pretty darned good... <BR>furhtermore...<BR>(and oh-boy-I'm-soooo-sorry-to-be-pulling-this-corny-stuff-out)<BR>Above all it is a time to count your blessings...<BR>wait a minute...<BR>that's Thanksgiving...<BR>Well whatever. I think Christmas is as good a time as ever to be happy for what you've got. We're tired, honey... overworked and going at full speed, trying to get all this sh*t together... and it's working isn't it? Mind you if we don't get some sleep soon we may just 'pzzzrth' blow a fuse. <BR>Christmas is a season, my dear, not just one day... You will see tommorrow. <BR>I'll learn that song, for you, and any others that you like, but you do realize of course that you will be mostly responsable for the singing.... we do have neighbours after all.<BR>Anyway, I'm not making much sense. Despite the extra hour of sleep this morning (boy-o-boy I owe you a BIG one now) I'm still a little fuzzy. I'll probably read this tommorrow and have to repost to clarify things... if they even make sense to me.<BR>I love you babe.<BR>Merry Christmas, babe.<BR>More than that...<BR>Merry Everyday.<BR>I love you.<BR>Deut<BR>So the dogs in heat, eh? Great.<BR>...I thought she seemed a little too happy to see me...<BR>pps. sorry about posting under your name... oops... we GOTTA find that ^$#(*? &(&*(* adapter!!!!!!!!!!<P><BR>[This message has been edited by soulloss (edited December 25, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by soulloss (edited December 25, 1999).]

Oh, you guys..........sniff!!<P>Merry, merry Christmas to both of you!<P>You've got it. You've really got it.<P>Lori

Merry Christmas Dylan and Duet. <BR>You have such a beautiful relationship. Keep loving each other and working on the same team. It will get you the results you want.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

Happy Holidays Dylan & Deut.!

D&D,<P>Merry everyday to you both.<P>I am truly happy for you guys. Keep doing what your ding. And thank you forshareing it with us.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hey you two-wanna make all of us cry? Sheesh-what a great uplifting batch of cookies to read ;-) My life has kinda turned upside down since last week when I had a doctors appointment-and I confessed my anxiety and anger for what H has done to me. He wants me to go to therapy.................and be tested for std's I am sad. But boy am I happy for you guys. You are both wonderful!!! Merry Christmas-who cares if I am late??<P>heartache