Hi, JL! The OW in your H's life sounds like the scum of the earth. She's actually more immoral than the OW that my sister's dealing with, and that's pretty bad. The OW in my sister's marriage has actually sent her e-mails saying she's been trying to "help" my S and her H get back together. Can you imagine her nerve? This OW has had numerous affairs with coworkers and still lives with her husband. It's unreal. I really feel that these type of women go for married guys just to see if they can get them; it's an ego boost. But what goes around, comes around, I believe that, too. JL, are you in individual counseling, now? Perhaps a mild antidepressant might help you get through this rough patch. You will emerge from this intact, and I think your marriage will be all the better for it. Hang in, there, JL. I'm praying for you.

Kaylee - I am not in individual counseling because I can't afford it. Our former marriage therapist did give me the name of a friend who is also a therapist who she would highly recommend. I know my depression is a setback for me -- I did call a new doctor to set up an apt. to get a mild antidepressant. As a former HR manager, I used to feel good about helping everyone else at work with their problems. I had a lot of confidence and energy, always with a smile. Now it is an effort to smile. The mental pictures I have are very devastating to me. I can usually pull myself up from this, but this setback is hard for me.

I have dealt with a lot of backstabbers in my career, but the OW could be the queen. The worst, pathetic, low-life ever. I know she will get hers in the end. Even at the confrontation in our hotel room, she lied at every question. However, I did set her up, she thought she was coming to see H, I enjoyed slapping her in the face without even doing it. She is the worst humiliation any family could have for a mother or grandmother.

Trust is not part of my vocabulary now and I wonder if I will ever trust my H again.

Thanks for listening, it does help.

Judy

Judy, I'm glad you will be seeing a professional, and getting on an antidepressant. It certainly will not make your problems go away, but it will "take the edge off", as they say. I lost an 2 day old infant to a heart valve defect in 1997, and I don't think I've ever felt so low in my life. A mild antidepresant was my saving grace during that difficult period. I could barely function; the depression and grief was so overwhelmingly horrible. But, I will tell you one thing, Judy. Losing a child definitely puts life into perspective. My subsequent marriage difficulties and other life problems pale in comparison to having my baby die in my arms. I share this because I want you to look at the blessings in your life, move forward and make your marriage (and your life) the best it can be. Where there's life, there's hope. So pick your self up, Honey, and keep going. You have much to be grateful for. You have a second chance at this marriage. Don't let that OW steal more from you than she already has. Let go of the anger and the grief, and move on. I'm praying (and rooting)for you. May God Bless!

Kaylee - I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your child. I can't even imagine the pain and sorrow of that. You seem so strong from all of your heartache and pain.

I know I have won and what goes around comes around back to the OW. We had moved to another state and what I didn't know is that the OW had plans to move here and work for my H again. The emotional affair would probably have resumed back to sexual again. H told me he thought distance would erase any feelings and hurt for him on all the lies. But, if he couldn't walk away before, how could that have ever worked again. This ***** would have gone to any extreme for her personal gain. That included using my children as pawns and ruining my daughter's reception for me. She has been out of the picture for over 7 months with H, but I still fear each day she may try to contact him. I constantly check cell phone records even knowing it probably won't happen. I love my H more than anything, but still have a hard time believing anything he tells me. He does everything he can to reinforce his love for me, but that doubt is always there. I am going to try and have a good weekend with H and not bring up the past. Sounds easy, but still the details seem to always pop up in my mind. I know I will never forget, I just want to start smiling again with ease. To say the OW was the scum of the earth, is putting it mildly. She has already ruined 2 other families, but thank god, she failed this time, only because I stopped it. I know my H loves me, but what are the chances of this happening again? I don't really know, I pray never again! I sincerely respect any input for can give me.

JLight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Kaylee, Eric, Ron & all, my H says the same thing; it's ok for him to have opposite-sex friends, if they are engaged, married, ugly, old, fat, etc. because there is no attraction for him. I hope Dr Harley convinces him otherwise, as this is a great threat to our M and makes me unhappy. I, too, worked for 25 years and had male co-workers, but always drew the line and did not get "involved" in an inappropriate friendship. A saint, hardly! But, I was raised to have high moral values (as was my H), but it seems society says it's ok (as well as other married male friends of my H) for married men to flirt with other women; what harm could it possibly do? Lots, come to find out.