I have been flirting with an old girlfriend of mine (12 years old) online, it got pretty graphic and my Fiance recently found the emails. Nothing ever happened between us but the emails are pretty graphic and suggestive. My Fiance does not believe that nothing happened and i dont blame her. Now she has given me my ring and is telling me she is not going through with the wedding. I need advise and or help...

Lou,

Your used-to-be-wife-to-be sounds like a pretty wise cookie. I'm not saying that to be mean, but tell me, why would a woman want to stay with a man who is cheating on her emotionally before the wedding?

If the situation was reversed, what could she do to prove to you that she was not going to cheat again?

You don't just need help with getting her back. You need help with becoming a man of integrity. There is a men's group called The Mankind Project. Check it out at www.mkp.org. I would like to suggest that you attend their weekend men's retreat. It's not cheap, but it will give you what you need to become a man of integrity and someone she can trust.

Something else you might consider is some individual counseling. You need to win back her trust and the best way to do it is to find out what made you think it was okay to cheat. She needs to know that you have figured out why you did it, why you aren't going to do it again and why she should believe that.

Hope it works out!

Stillwed

Stillwed,

I dont think it was an emotional affair, I had a relationshipo with this girl when I was 12. Our entire relationship has always been built around sexual induindos, this is no different. I am not and have never been emotionally attached to this girl, it has always been the way we spoke to eachother. It was not like we were talking online and having a relationship, it was more that when she emailed me a question or a hello, I would respond with sexual content. This girl is a friend of my sisters and shen we see eachother, there is no attraction or sexual tension, its just the way we have always communicated. I know it is wrong and I dont feel like a man for doing it, but it is like second nature with this person.

I agree i do need help because i should not be acting this way with anyone. My Fiance and I have been in a relationship for 5 1/2 years and this is the first big hurdle we have to get over.

Thanks for the mens meeting I will look into it.

Lou,

Good for you for taking responsibility for your behavior and wanting to do something about it! I really do hope it works out.

One thing that you might want to do is to sit down and write to this girl (with your wife-to-be) and tell her that you behaved inappropriately and will no longer be doing it. You've grown up and you don't feel right about behaving like an adolescent boy. You love your Fiance how you've acted has hurt her and disrespected her. Keep it really simple. It might even need to include that you don't want to have any further contact with her.

Stillwed