My wife and I are recovering from an affair and we've used a lot of this site's ideas to help guide us through it and we are much better than when we started down this road.

Her mother and father are going through a difficult time right now because they can not talk to each other, both have different issues of their own to work out, and are trying to recover from an alleged affair three years ago.

Knowing the concepts and the steps that we have learned together so far we were wondering what we can do to help. Neither one of them are willing to give up pride and realize that there are two people responsible for affairs so that wall that blocks all communication from small talk to serious issues is still up. Her mom thinks that her dad had an affair with another woman and her dad thinks that her mom has found another man.

Neither of them knows of the problems we have had to face the past year and a half in our marriage, not just infidelity but separation and much more.

Should we talk to them and tell them our situation in hopes that they can see recovery is possible or lay low and just offer support and not tell them to avoid adding more fuel to the fire.

I see her mom like I was prior to my wife confessing, prior to her being open and honest about what all had happened, she displays compulsiveness and avoids being home.

Her dad depending on whether or not the A actually happened I see as my wife prior to me giving her a real chance to talk without fear of me walking out.

Please Help.

My guess is, if you tell them what happened to you and how you found help, that will be the most powerful way to convince them that they can also find the help they need.

Yes do tell them . Also Suggest they read:
Surving an Affair

Better yet, recommend phone counseling from Steve H @ MB. Give them this # and present the book His Needs/Her Needs. Give a copy of the EN questionnaire and recommend they both take it separately then compare.

It c/b revealing.

This way you don't have to burden them with what you went through. Your MIL may blame your W for her H's A. Not true but the tendancy c/b strong.

JMHO,
L.