Okay where do I start. I have not seen this problem posted anywhere, but then it is quite unique (maybe). My husband and I have been married for 13 years. This is the 2nd marriage for both of us. He had 2 children from a previous marriage and I did not have any. We have had no children in our marriage. The kids are now grown and are out of our home, we are both 45. The problem. During the course of my marriage my husband has pushed, slapped, or hit me at least 2 or three times a year. Always he was remorsful afterwards and would cry and say he would never do it again. I now see that this is quite common in abusive relationships, but I never thought of mine as being abusive. (stupid I know) It was our dark secret in the marriage, the kids never knew, nor family or friends. About 3 years ago my husband had an affair with the singer of the band he was playing guitar in. I put his playing in a rock band as part of a mid-life crises and the fact that the kids were older and not needing his time anymore. Anyways I found out and he quit the band and we seemed to carry on, despite my feeling of sadness and resentment. However my husband joined another band and low and behold if he did not have another affair. This time with a good friend, who happened to be the singer in the new band. It all came to a head one late night when he came crawling in during the wee hours of the morning. I was beat pretty bad, I packed my things and moved out of the house. I lived at my brothers for 7 months. During this time my husband sought councilling, quit the band, got a new job that he is happier with and started dating me. The man he is today is totally different to the man that I left for 7 months. We are in councilling together and will be for quite a long time I am thinking. The councillor is telling me that under no circumstances am I to stay in our home if my husband so much as lifts a hand to me. We have been going through some rather intense marriage councilling sessions and I am also going to a councillor that specializes in abused woman. So we are both trying to work on this marriage and I actually like me husband now more than at anytime in our marriage. He is considerate of me and I know is really trying to make up for the things that he has done. Sometimes though I get the feeling that is just is not enough. I get so down and angry inside at my husband. I do not know how to get past the hurt. My family now hates him, and they think I am a fool for trying to keep my marriage together. This causes a lot of grief and I can see it continue to be awkward in our marriage. Does staying in my marriage mean that I will be alienated from my family because they now know the deep dark secret. My brother rescued me that awful night when I had nowhere else to go and I was quite bruised and hurting. Even if I forgive my husband, how can I expect my family to. Without the councilling that my husband is taking I would not even consider that we had a chance, but huge strides are being made. My husband is admitting that he was terrible to me. So where do we go from here. How can this marriage survive. Is there hope????
