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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 22
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 22 |
Hi! I wanted to ask this as a general question to the forum: When the BS finds out about an A, can't they demand NC not only with the OM/OW, but any member of the opposite sex that they feel is a threat to their marriage? I'm paraphrasing this question from one of my other posts, because this has become an issue in both my sister's and sister-in-law's marriage. I believe that if the WS is trying to rebuild the marriage after an A, the "least" he/she could do is end contact with any person the BS feel's is a threat to the marrage. Even if this other person, in reality, is no threat to relationship. It doesn't matter. It's a demonstration of commitment to the betrayed partner. I seriously question the sincerity of a WS who would refuse to do this. What do you think? I look forward to reading the posts......
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,747
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Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,747 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> can't they demand </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There inlies the problem with this approach.
BS don't have the right to "demand" anything.
It has to be POJA.
But your goal is correct.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525 |
The beginning of recovery is very difficult for both partners and I believe both need to be bending over backwards to work on the M. If the BS needs the WS not to have any contact with any female, while that may seem extreme, the WS needs to consider the BS' feelings. He/she surely didn't during the A. It may end up being some sort of "If you really loved me, you'd do this" kinda test. The BS needs alot of reassurance during this time. It is only reasonable that the WS try to validate all of the BS' feelings.
The thing is we don't know the future. Perhaps their M will recover so well, that BS will no longer be so concerned. Who knows? But at this moment in time, the WS really needs to consider the BS.
BTW, I did not forbid my FWS from having female friends after the A. I do keep a close eye on them and have mentioned my concerns in the past.
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,237
Member
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Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 1,237 |
Kaylee,
I though you weren't involved in an affair just worried about opposite sex friendships. ????? Any more info you'd like to share? Are you or your spouse involved in one or are you just researching your PhD thesis here on MB????
Mac
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