Hi Aussie2,

Just wanted to ask if you found your MC through Relationships Australia? Do you know anything about Relationships Australia?
I noticed on their website that they also offer MC via AOL instant chat and thought it could be an idea for me.
Just noticed you're a westralian - beautiful part of the country.
cheers
S

Hi Smur

hope you are ok & doing as well as possible.

OK RA is a reasonably good outfit with a lot of experience and actuallly work with a number of state gov to provide various services.

My sister used them YEARS ago when she and her second H were discussing kids, she wanted he didn't, he had a grown family from his first M.
As it turned out they now have two great kids - well adults now,who thank GOD she has kept out of the services, yes you guessed it he is an serviceman to in Canberra <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

So the limited knowledge I have of them is good and I have not heard of them in the watch list for problem organisations. Nothing at Consumer Protection either, another good sign, so I'd say they are above board and seem to have a good rep.

I think yhey could certainly be worth a try.

JL
Yes in a lot of ways we have jobs which cause similar responses to varying degrees.
My thoughts are the war accelerated my life, trying to cram in everything I could before deployment because you just never know. That this would have caused absolute mayhem in everyone’s life I now have no doubt.

Some time ago she was very much wanting me to leave, Has she changed? No I don’t think so. Little things come out every now & then that point to it. it’s a bit like one of those subjects she wont talk about. She has said to the MC that she really expects one day to have a army chaplain knock on her door and tell her I’ve been killed. She thinks its only a matter of time.
I’ve tried to talk to her about his fear but she won’t. She’s just adamant it will happen.
Kinda lucky I don’t believe in bad luck isn’t it…lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I do realise she is dedicated to her job, its not a job everyone can do well either. I also know its bonds the women there very closely, who by the way are mostly divorced, separated or in the process of………so its not just my wife & me.
However, it’s the damn job which caused her to stress out and then cheat
You read here all the time that if you don’t change the situation and the circumstances, you are just asking for it to happen again.
Now I know its also the individuals who have to change but the workplace must be part of it surely.
That selfish part of me wants to yell & scream well I didn’t ever cheat on her despite heaps of opportunity, I just didn’t want to. And I know it s not helpful to say that but it does help to vent here.
I suppose we have to keep talking for now.

Hi Aussie2,

thanks for the info on RA. I will talk to H about it and see what he thinks. Hmm. I am OK, thanks, especially since now its just 3 more months in this country then back home for Chrissy!

I just wanted to add about your comments re: your wife's job - do you think its possible for her to change her attitude towards her job, rather than the job itself? I mean, if she also sees the main cause of her A as being job-related stress, then maybe, with all of this turmoil, she can also see that there are more important things in her life than her job. This might help her to have some perspective about it and not take on so much stress.

Also, I know you already seemed to have resolved it yourself, but I just wanted to add that I don't find it that surprising that your W says her A had nothing to do with you or your R, just her own problems. But I think for most people its usually a combination of things, and as you dig deeper you find more factors. I think often the cause can be also unmet ENs, but not because of any fault of the BS - instead because the WS might be a normally very self-sufficient person, not particularly self-aware, and not even realise themselves why they are vaguely unhappy. Even if they do realise, they might be the kind of person who thinks they should be able to make themselves happy, and not have to ask anything of their S. I'm not saying that its a person's job to make their S happy - clearly not - but in the Harley's book they talk about how EN's cannot be met by ourselves alone.
Just some thoughts...

Today has been the worse day since d day, perhaps as bad, perhaps it worse.
I've been getting through the day best as I can but feel so numb right now.

The mc was a bust tonight. I didn't want to be there, wasn't interested and I didn't want to talk to her or the mc.

I'm sick & tired of everything right now and just want to go away.

I cant fight anymore for now.

Oh, aussie, you were doing so well. Was it anything in particular, or just everything?

my mate just killed himself today.

he was inured staying with me, they had to take a piece of his back muscle out to try and save his arm but it was pretty useless.

I stopped him last week, but not this time. he had had enough I guess of the pain and loss.

I just feel empty and bitter and I wish those [censored] could've shot straight, it would have been kinder.
I should feel something but I dont, just tired.

Oh my God, I am so sorry to hear this. What an awful, awful thing.

Aussie2,It is an awful horrible thing you are going thru. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I am sure you feel very bad, because you could not prevent it this time. It is something that was going to happen sooner or later.
Please dont feel like there is no hope in your life and your situation, because THERE IS. There is always hope for everything, if YOU really want . Only death, is final.
Its a good time to get closer to your wife and get strenght from her, she can help you thru this, I am sure.
I am sure you are going to be fine, feel better in no time.
I wish I could say the right words so you can feel better about the whole situation. Dont give up!!
Myrta

Hey Aussie2,

Sending you a load of mental support - you know there are people here who care and want to try and help each other as best they can. This is such a difficult time in your life right now. But you will get through it. If you never used anti-depressants before, now might the time to at least talk to your doctor.

Please try and see that your mate's life and yours are completely different, that he made his choices for his own reasons. You did everythign that you could to help him. You couldn't have done any more than that.

I echo Myrta's remark. I widsh there was a magic word i could say to make it all go away. The good news is that time heals all wounds and you wil come out of this.

God Bless ala JL

Also one more thing - maybe now is not the time to think about resolving anything with your W or working on your M. Just let her comfort you. Let the love that was always there come through.

Thanks everyone for your kind words & support.

I suppose I have expected this for some time and am not surprised. Such is life.

I went and id him this morning for the police, they were very good. A few of our mates from Campbell turned up.
Well he looked at peace at last no more pain or feeling useless.We understand why he did it.

Hes just another statistic of this useless stupid war. But perhaps even more stupid is that I'd go back tomorrow. We'd all joke that we didn't know what we were fighting for, that we didn'r really care if they'd give us more ammo, more cartons of beer. I guess thats true, its our job, we do the best we can.

Anyway its over for him now. Irish said it best as we walked out, "poor [censored]'.
Death isnt the same for us as it is for most people.

Tonight I'm supposed to take my wife out for her birthday to the greyhound races, she loves them, been looking forward to it.

So, I'm going to take her and I will enjoy it with her.

I am so sorry You will be in my prayers.

lmar

Aussie,

I was so sorry to hear about your mate. My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

Like most I feel lost for words to say, but just wanted you to know that you are very much in my thoughts. I have so much appreciated your support and advice over the last few days. I pray that you may know the comfort and peace of God at this terrible time.

Scotty

Aussie -

You warfighters are a strange breed. I posted to a helicopter pilot here for a long time. He had the same attitude, and explained that their job was to shoot and destroy everything outside of the cockpit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I wouldn't be much good in a war. I'd have to take too much time thinking everything over.

Many of the men that came home from Iraq and Afghanistan had big problems adjusting. If they got locked out of their house, no problem, the door got kicked in. If their wife locked them out of the bedroom, they could fix that to.

We had 5 or 6 wives at Fort Bragg that were killed by their husbands.

This is some powerful stuff that you are dealing with, and my prayers are with you and your family.

despite a few long sideways glances at me from the w because of friday we did have a good night and she enjoyed herself.

I haven't said a word of what happened on friday to her yet, I want her to have a good weekend & some fun.

We talked & laughed about a lot of things and won a little bit. We enjoyed being together to.

Aussie,

I am very sorry to hear this news. I really don't know what to say, probably because there is little one can say. Hang in there Aussie.

God Bless,

JL

Hi Aussie2,

hope you're ok today - thanks for your comments to me on the other thread. Glad you enjoyed your night at the dogs - I haven't been there in ages!

I guess I see what you mean about understanding why he did it and all that. But still I think it was a really sad choice.
My ex-BF (from 12 yrs ago!) is a paraplegic - he got hit by a truck while waiting at a traffic light, in Perth actually. He was 25 at the time. Now he's 32 and has family, a job, friends, interests... a pretty good life and probably not very different to how it would have been if he hadn't had the accident.

I know maybe your mate's life was different but its just so sad that he couldn't see how to get through it.

again thanks to all for your kind words.

I'm not sure if anyone is immune to such dispair as he had but I hope I'd not take that way out.
But who really knows until you are faced with that.

Maybe its a good reminder to all of us to cherish our loved ones because you never know what will happen tomorrow.
So you take a deep breath, remember your mate and get on with the job.

The job right now is to try & save my M and he'd be the first to tell me to get off my [censored] and go do it, so I guess I will.

But sometimes life just wasn't meant to be easy. but we'll see tomorrow I suppose