Hi!

I discovered a couple of weeks ago that my wife D has been having an affair with a co-worker. At first she wouldn't admit to it but after discovering a few messages on her cell phone the evidence was overwhelming and she was forced to admit it. Her first reaction was to say that she wanted to spend some time on her own to sort her feelings out. I agreed with her and even suggested that she travel to Canada (we are in England) to be with a good friend of hers. She said no to that. I suggested staying with her sister and husband who leave about25 miles from us. At first she said she'll think about it, but now has totally abandoned the idea. During the course of the last couple of weeks we have agreed to see a marriage counsellor to help us rebuild our marriage and also she has promised that she will stop the affair. I'm clinging desperately to these. However I know that she still seeing this guy. In fact they went swimming last night in a local leisure centre. I know (and I've told her this) that it would take time ending her affair. But I cannot see her even trying. Should I just wait and bide my time or what?
Please help!

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances. When the WS says they need time alone to think, what they really mean is they need time to continue the affair.

Start in Plan A. You can read all about it on the link in my signature line.

You might want to post under general questions as there is more traffic there.

No, don't bide your time. Start working on saving your marriage. Click on the link below to find out how. As Believer says, it starts with Plan A.

Thanks a lot "believer" and "john39". I have taken both your advice and try Plans A & B. I just don't know where this journey would end, if it ever will. Thanks again.

I've also ordered "Surviving an Affair" and I hope this too can help.

You might want to read through the links again so they are clearer in your head. You will notice some things that you did not the first time. You may not have to do Plan B at all - if you are lucky.

hi John39,
sorry for not getting back to you, but ihave been posting on the suggestion of believer to post under general questions II which I have done under the topic "how much more pain?". If you like you can catch up by trawling thru the postings there. I would like to create a link to it but i don't know how.
Anyway thanks for the support. I think I could be going to plan B even before I could do anything under Plan A!