Two weeks ago I confirmed, then confronted my spouse about an affair that began via the Internet and then turned into an actual brief encounter when the lover visited during my absence from town. The lover has returned to his home far away, but proposed marriage before he left and she said yes. Within two days of confronting my wife she was calling me. She was surprised when I offered forgiveness and desired to reconcile when I return (That's still coming) She tried to break up from her lover when he called this past week. It didn't go well. She tried the policy of radical honesty with me for about two days, now she's quiet and withdrawing.

After reading several of the articles in marriagebuilders.com I believe she may be going through withdrawl from her lover right now. What was satisfying for the past year over the Internet is no longer enough now that they've actually been together. The lover doesn't appear to have a very good plan to support my wife and children in the near future and I think that is weighing on her.

For awhile she wanted to reconcile, maybe she still does. She says she likes me and I have lots of good qualities, but wondered if I'd ever be enough for her. She also wonders if I'll truly respond this tiime to meeting her basic emotional needs which I readily admit being negligent in. I desperately want to make it work, but she's on the fence right now. I return home on Wednesday to who knows what. We have planned a special date for Thursday night and I intend to be nothing but supportive and caring with the hopes that we can just enjoy the evening together.

Am I heading down the right road? Is my assessment of my wife possibly right? Suggestions, Thoughts?

Terribly Sad Zoomie - Yet a glimmer of hope in my heart remains jsmitch63@earthlink.net

You are headed in exactly the right direction. Read all about Plan A on my sig link. Also print out the emotional needs questionnaire and see if she will fill it out.

She is probably going thru withdrawal. You can read about that on the home page here.

Found out myself only few weeks ago zoomie so I can relate to the pain and shock alright.

Also the doubts.

Good advice here so lets hope we can get it to work. All the best.

Aussie, thanks for writing back. I've been reading about your circumstances. i wish I could be of some kind of support to you, but we are both currently in the thick of it. I do thank you for the encouragement and I send mine your way.

I think all I can say now is that it ain't over yet. I don't know how much fight you have left in you and I'm guessing you are suppressing any remaining affection for your WW because it is just too painful right now. Hang in there man, it is worth it and if nothing else you have the chance to show yourself as a man that your children will always respect if you rise to the occassion. Hang in there brother, my thoughts and prayers are with you!!!!

Ugh, I'm sorry you are here, well, I'm sorry we are all here. But it sounds like you are going in the right direction. I'm very new to MB, but this site has given me hope.
I wonder if there are a lot of military marriages here going through this as well?
Take care and best of luck!

Hello Zoomie
I can honestly feel your pain. For the past 3 years I've been dealing with my H and internet affairs, 3 of which he physically met.It's heart breaking knowing your spouce is involved with someone else especially emotionally.There were times my H would forget I was there and call her and ask her to join him in the chat room and tell her he loved her.It's taken alot of courage and patients on my part to watch him go through this and know what was happening.The OW went back to her H and broke my H heart.I held him in my arm while he cried for her.That was hard.Maybe your W discovered the OM wasn't what she thought he was after she physically met him.I'm glad things are turning your way.It's best to give her the time and space she needs to heal from all this.Give her the space but be there for her,you know what I mean?Don't ask alot of questions,she'll talk to you when she feels comfortable and it's best that you just sit and listen.With my H I found that if I don't interupt him I find out alot more information and most of my thoughts/questions are answered anyway.Nothing can change the past but we all have choices to make.I hope your date Thursday goes well.Be strong if she brings up OM,try to be her friend instead of her H and listen.Both of you are dealing with pain and heartache right now but just be patient with her.Zoomie I've given my H everything I've been a great friend,lover, mother and wife.Through out my ordeal I've never lost myself.Irrigaurdless of what my H has done I still have my morals and my self respect.It's definatly made me a stronger person.Within your heart you'll find forgivness to move on with or without your W.Hopefully she will see things differently now considering her experience and be able to look at you in a different light.Good luck my friend my prayers are with you......