i am new to this forum .i recently found out about my husband cheating on me.i am looking for advice and words of wisdom because we are trying to work it out.

eajake,
You found a good place. I'll need more information to really give you words of wisdom, or advise.

How long have you been married ? How long did the A go on ? How did you find out about it ?How long ago did it end ? How did you find out about the A ? Do you have any children?

I'm sorry you're here, but please find comfort in the fact you aren't alone. This seems to happen to the people you'd least expect it to happen to.

Hang in there, start reading up on Plan A, fill out the Emotional Needs Questionnaires. This will give you both a starting point.

Recovery is not only possible, it's very likely for your situation.

betrayed in jersey.i have been married 3 1/2 yrs.my husband's affair lasted 5 days.my instincts told me something was wrong and i confronted him because he tried convincing me that he was trying to help her out of an abusive relationship.which is partly true but she confessed to me that he didn't tell her the truth also.i never act a fool but i have to admit i literally took off walking that night.i do have a daughter-11 and a son-9.thank goodness they weren't here when i found out because i was an emotional train wreck.

It's good the kids weren't there. A lot of people aren't so fortunate and the kids witness the whole ugly downfall.

It's not unusual your FWH (former wayward husband) lied. They all do, it's in part due to the FOG they live in during this behavior, as well as trying to protect you from further hurt.
Either way, the lie hurts just as much as the betrayal itself.

Right now you have to recover. It takes some time for the initial "train wreck" feeling to pass. You'll have good days, and bad days...and when a bad day hits in the beginning...it's like reliving DDay all over again.

This time will pass. It's okay to feel hurt, but try not to lash out at H during those moments.

Discuss what the two of you can do to get through this. Marriage Counseling , etc.

This site has a profound amount of helpful information. How to recover your M, and make it A proof.

Learning what each other's needs are, identify what went wrong in the M.

What is your H take on all this ? If he reads up on some information here, he'll find it easy to understand why his assisting this person opened up the possibility of the A to begin with.

betrayed in jersey.my husband wants to work on our marriage also.he is not having contact with OW.my husband and i are communicating openly about our needs.we love each other and we do want to make it work.i never thought in a million years that i would forgive someone for infidelity but i am finding out part of forgiving is also letting go of mistakes and not dwelling on it because it makes it worse.

betrayed in jersey.my husband wants to work on our marriage also.he is not having contact with OW.my husband and i are communicating openly about our needs.we love each other and we do want to make it work.i never thought in a million years that i would forgive someone for infidelity but i am finding out part of forgiving is also letting go of mistakes and not dwelling on it because it makes it worse.

eajake,
I'm glad you're both wanting to rebuild the M.

None of us think that it will happen to us...and when it happens to someone else...we all think...well I could never tolerate that...I'd be out the door so fast.

It isn't that easy. If it were that easy.... we wouldn't be here on this site today.

It's good that no contact has been established with the OW.

Keep communication open.... that's the key. Don't lose site of it.