Sent and thanks for the interest.

Hello all ..This is Charlies Wife..after reading this post I thought I would respond.I want to first thank you for being here for him and also tell you my thoughts on the flip side of things.First off..yes I did cheat the first being the online guy and no I didnt start playing a game to meet someone it just happened and I will tell you all why.....I have always needed love badly an not just someone saying the words but acting on them also.words mean nothing to me without actions.Before the affair I would cry to him begging him to love me..tell me I was pretty,want me sexually and all the other things that go along in a health marriage..he would state that this is the way he was rasied and he was unable to show me...so I got told I love you and nothing more. I asked him to read books on depression ..he didnt... I asked him to go to counseling and he wouldnt or never made the call. I told him how unhappy I was : ( but nothing changed. Yes I feel badly about cheating but damn I needed some love.. ATTENTION...someone to talk to because I couldnt reach my husband and I took his lack of in a neg. way.. I felt unloved..ugly..not good enough for him. After he found out about the affair all of a sudden he was like a sexual creature I have never knew it scared the **** out of me seeing sex wasnt the reason I cheated..even tho sex was lacking in our marriage... I would get the excuse well our son sleeps with us ummmm there were lots of rooms in our house..I would get him aroused and he would tell me no ! I went to the point of asking him if he was gay because I didnt understand why other men would flirt with me and he wouldnt give me the time of day. I fell out of love with him and into love with the online person...yes I should of divored him before cheating I do know right from wrong but I couldnt do it an Im not sure why really I do love him and care deeply about him so I am trying real hard to focus back to us but I find it hard to do for the reason how can I trust him to love me forever in the way I need ??? when he didnt for so long well up til I cheated anyways. Oh I did stop smoking pot 8-D and feel much better it was a substance that made me very unhappy and I felt controlled by it. Well thanks for letting me share the flip side with ya'll nice people and again thanks for the support and Charlie hope this doesnt hurt you for that is something I never wanted to do .