Hello this is shamone new here,
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hello and Welcome. I'm sorry you find yourself here. Talk more when your ready.

Oz

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by oswald:
<strong> Hello and Welcome. I'm sorry you find yourself here. Talk more when your ready.

Oz </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by shamone:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by oswald:
<strong> Hello and Welcome. I'm sorry you find yourself here. Talk more when your ready.

Oz </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">thank you for responding i just need someone who can talk with me about this situation i feel stuck not knowing what to do i love him but i am hurt over the fact he made a child in this A.

Sorry it took a while work calls...

So what your story shameon. Just telling it can help.

Oz

Welcome to marriagebuilders. You can start in Plan A, and read all about it on the link in my sig. line.

Also you might want to check out the pregnancy/OC forum. Lots of folks are going through the same thing you are.

Shamone ?
How are you ?
I know things are very difficult right now.
Check in...let us know how you're doing. don't try to hold this all in. We're here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by betrayedinjersey:
<strong> Shamone ?
How are you ?
I know things are very difficult right now.
Check in...let us know how you're doing. don't try to hold this all in. We're here. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am a little confused i talked with my husband last night for a long time he was telling me that whatever it takes to get me back he would do and he will never loose me but i told him if you love someone you will not hurt them they way that you did he told me that he wanted to be with me and he has learned his lesson.also he said that he will give me my space and however long i need and when i am ready for him to come home then he will come.and he also told me that he will prove to me that he will have no more communication with her unless it is regarding that child and he will let me hear him tell her that. what do you think? do you think he is just telling me that so i will let him back in or is he really for real about what he is saying. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

What do I think ?

I think the reality of what he has done finally came crashing down. If he wants back in your life there is reason.

The real question is what do you think? Do you want to try and recover the M.
The books all say that you should work towards rebuilding and recovering the M for a full year before throwing in the towel. It seems like an eternity but after four years I tend to agree, the emotional levels are just to high in the first year to make a life altering decision that you may regret forever. I have no personal experience with an OC involved but I know others have recovered their M with other children involved.

If you want to do this I strongly recommend that now while he is at the point of offering to prove himself to you, then get your boundaries in place now.

1. No contact
2. MC (marriage counseling)
3. Complete honesty
4. Living like an open book
5. Any thing with in reason that you need to help heal.

We can’t tell you what to decide shamone but we can support you decision.

Shamone,
How long have you been M?
How long was the A?
Are you certain it is his child?

Don’t answer anything your not comfortable with.

Well OK but answer these for me.
Have you read much of the site ? Are you familiar with the concepts of MB's?

Hang in there Shamone
Oz

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by oswald:
<strong> What do I think ?

I think the reality of what he has done finally came crashing down. If he wants back in your life there is reason.

The real question is what do you think? Do you want to try and recover the M.
The books all say that you should work towards rebuilding and recovering the M for a full year before throwing in the towel. It seems like an eternity but after four years I tend to agree, the emotional levels are just to high in the first year to make a life altering decision that you may regret forever. I have no personal experience with an OC involved but I know others have recovered their M with other children involved.

If you want to do this I strongly recommend that now while he is at the point of offering to prove himself to you, then get your boundaries in place now.

1. No contact
2. MC (marriage counseling)
3. Complete honesty
4. Living like an open book
5. Any thing with in reason that you need to help heal.

We can’t tell you what to decide shamone but we can support you decision.

Shamone,
How long have you been M?
How long was the A?
Are you certain it is his child?

Don’t answer anything your not comfortable with.

Well OK but answer these for me.
Have you read much of the site ? Are you familiar with the concepts of MB's?

Hang in there Shamone
Oz </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">we have been together for 9 years married for 1 1/2 and the affair went on for 2 mo. and he said he know the baby is his.

So how are things today?

Shamone,
Eat something even if you don't feel like it and sleep when you can.

Talk to us when you need to. Your not alone,

Oz

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by oswald:
<strong> So how are things today?

Shamone,
Eat something even if you don't feel like it and sleep when you can.

Talk to us when you need to. Your not alone,

Oz </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i try to but i just can not eat anything no sleep at all i was up until 4:00 a.m. just thinking a reading books on infedelity <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I kind of sensed that, the early days are the worst.

Don’t know where you live but here on the east coast it is a beautiful day. Why don’t you put down the infidelity information and go get some sun on your face. Worse case, find a place outside to read.

Oz

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by oswald:
<strong> I kind of sensed that, the early days are the worst.

Don’t know where you live but here on the east coast it is a beautiful day. Why don’t you put down the infidelity information and go get some sun on your face. Worse case, find a place outside to read.

Oz </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i am in the south and it is very nice here and i do have to go to work and hopefully that will take my mind off of for a while but i still can talk while at work

Again, talk when you want too. If I'm not around someone will be.

Oz

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by oswald:
<strong> Again, talk when you want too. If I'm not around someone will be.

Oz </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hey oz just i was just at work on break husband called to see if he could take me to dinner i want to go but i am having second thoughts about it i know he is trying to make it up but i am still wondering if he is for real about what he is telling me that he want to work on his marriage do you think it is too soon for us to start working on it or do you think i should wait a little while longer before i accept some of his offers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I'm sorry I missed this post before leaving work.

I would have recommended going and listening to what he has to say not to mention you need to eat. You know sometimes as strange as it seems being consoled by the one you love, even if they caused your pain, helps.

I hope you went but if not, there will be another chance. Eat anyway!

Shamone, what are thinking? Do you want to leave this M or do you want to stay. I know if it was that easy you would have made up your mind already. But we're just talking what nothing is cut in stone. I always advocate trying to save a M because mine was saved but I'm not naïve enough to think all can be saved.

Sorry I missed your post.

Oz

shamone,

Hello, I found you. Great additional support over here isn't there!

If your H is willing to try to make amends by all means let him. However you MUST explain to him, and do it repeatedly, that you are hurt deeply by this and your healing will take time.

Talk about your feelings. He is more open to that right now than he ever was in the past. Trust me, I'm a guy too.

I say go to any event that he invites you to. IF you can keep a clear head and can put some deposits in your Love Bank. After the "date" Thank him and explain that you had a great time (don't lie) and look forward to more. Positive re-enforcement.

This is a mix of some of the MB skills and the DB skills. The more that we provide a positive loving message, while being honest, the sooner the true direction of your relationship will come to light.

You're doing great and it is normal to second guess everything that you are thinking. Take a leap of faith and see if your H is sincere!

I'll bet he is.

Steve

shamone,
Long weekend, how did it go?

Oz

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by oswald:
<strong> shamone,
Long weekend, how did it go?

Oz </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not very good this was the first holiday i spent without my husband and it was very hard>