My husband had a two week affair with a co worker two months ago, and when I confronted him he choose to stay with me. She no longer works there, but they have kept in contact through email. Just friends. I just found three messages from OW to my husband in his private email account for which he does not know I know the password. The messages were like "this will be our first and last Christmas apart" and "I love you too" I do not think I need to say more. She is also married but moved out. Her husband told me that last week she had an opportunity to sign the divorce papers but decided to give it another six months.<BR>I'm at work and need to go home but have no idea how to act. I want to scream and kick him out and let him know that I know he is still cheating. Then I'll push him right into her arms. I've been doing Plan A since October 8th. Do I pretend I do not know and just kill him with kindness since it has not been six months yet? Im going out of my mind.

MKM,<P>I read your post and had to respond. I don't have any advice to give you. I know from my own experience that finding out your wife is checking up on you will only make your husband angry. I also know that living with a lie is a very difficult thing. You know that you can't trust him, he has proven it. I wish I could tell you what to do. I will be praying for you and your family. Strength to you.<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{My kid's mom}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

MKM-<P>Welcome. Sorry you are in so much pain.<P>My suggestion to you is to keep your cool when you go home. NO lovebusting.<P>You need to weigh your options. Do you want him to leave? Are you ready to go to Plan B? If he is not willing to give up OW, these are things you need to think about.<P>I know how painful this is; everyone here does.<P>Vent, post, cry, sream. This is the worst thing in the world.<P>Praying for you. May God give you the right words as you face your H.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>How devastating for you...to find out on top of the discovery that it's still continuing.<P>My 2 cents options: (1) Confront him calmly. Tell him you are aware that contact still continues (you may or may not want to reveal how you know). Since he chose to stay with you, you want to write OW a no-contact letter from both of you and mail or e-mail it. Listen to him in return. Keep broiling emotions at bay during the conversation. I do not believe you should pretend you don't know; however, if you choose to Plan A it, you can still offer your giving side by remaining calm and sweet in the face of his infidelity. (Come here or talk to a close friend to vent your frustrations, DON'T hold them in.)<P>(2) Hire an investigator to get proof of their goings-on. Decide what you would like to do with the evidence. Keep monitoring that e-mail account...forewarned is forearmed? Create fewer opportunities for him to find time for contact with OW, in seemingly innocent ways.<P>(3) Play the toughest hand. Plan B. Tell him that since contact is still occurring, you do not wish to see him until he can decide it's you he wants, and only you. Again, keep the lovebusters of angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, etc. in tight control...they will not benefit you in the long run. <P>Let us know how you're doing.<BR>

Lucks has some helpful options here.<P>I think that you should confront your h calmly (I know that doing this calmly will be very difficult, but is the only way).<P>Then, ask him what he wants to do about it. Will he stay with you, or continue the affair?<P>If he stays with you (which I'm sure he will), then you both need to write her the "No Contact" letter. Do you have a copy of "Surviving the Affair?" There is a example letter in it.<P>OW contacted my H after a 9-month absence. We both wrote her the "No Contact" letter. I'm hoping it works.<P>Your H needs to account for his time so that you can monitor his whereabouts (so that you can make sure he isn't with OW). Monitor e-mail accounts, phone calls, etc. The reason for this is to build trust again in your relationship. He may get defensive, but this is the only way.<P>In the meantime, do Plan A. The more love you show him, the more love units you can deposit into his account. Hopefully, feelings for the OW will fade. It's going to take time & patience...but I know you can do it. Hang in there and come here to vent when you need to.

I'm scared to confront him since in order to prove it I'll have to reveal how I know or else he'll just deny it. We've been through this before, he says he'll be with me, but then I find proof of contact. He claims that its hard for him to give up the friendship. <BR>He'll know I snooped and I'm not ready to give him an ultimatum. Pretty stupid, huh? Does anyone knows what Harley says about confronting the betrayer? I've read "surviving an affair" but I'm just afraid to pull the plug too soon. <BR>Thank you all for responding. It feels good that someone out there gives a damn.

Welcome <B>My kid's mom</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>Use the advice in the preceding messages!!!!<BR>But most of all get the book...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A>!!!!!!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...