My "wife" had/still is having an affair. We have been apart for almost one year. She moved out of state with our two kids. The OM had a new home built for them to have a new family life together. From what I know, the OM was recently divorced, or so I hear. He also has two children from his "previous" marriage. Before I married my wife, she cheated on me while we were dating---with a man who "was" married. My question is; Isn't the old saying true--"Once a cheat always a cheat??" Maybe someone else here has been through something like this before, if so, what would you do, or plan to do. Thanks for everyone's help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances.

There are a lot of men here with your same circumstances.

What are your plans?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> --"Once a cheat always a cheat??" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope.

My wife almost cheated on me while we were dating, had several emotional affairs while we were married, the last of which became physical. That is over and done with. Never could happen again.

Well...never say never. Perhaps more accurately: now knowing what led to the previous problems, we are takeing the necessary precautions to prevent recurrance. No more head in the sand for either of us.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances.

There are a lot of men here with your same circumstances.

What are your plans? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">***Right now the shock phase is starting to wear off since it has been over a year. I thought about moving on, but many people said I should wait awile before jumping into another relationship. Thankfully I still have my job, and I like to go out and meet new people. I think that it is over between me and my wife, I have accepted that part, it's just that I have to start all over again.......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by johnh39:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> --"Once a cheat always a cheat??" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope.

My wife almost cheated on me while we were dating, had several emotional affairs while we were married, the last of which became physical. That is over and done with. Never could happen again.

Well...never say never. Perhaps more accurately: now knowing what led to the previous problems, we are takeing the necessary precautions to prevent recurrance. No more head in the sand for either of us. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">******When my wife first cheated on me before we were married, I thought, o.k., maybe this is just a passing phase, so I went ahead and married her and forgave her. Then she turned around and cheated on me again during our marriage. If anything, this all has made me wonder if she was cheating on me more time before and during our marriage. I could never take her back, because honestly, I could not trust her again....ever.-----Thanks for your reply. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Well, this is MarriageBuilders. Most of the people on this board are oriented to giving you the tools you need to have a great marriage, not to leave one. I would never counsel you to take back someone you cannot trust. I can show you how trust can be re-built, over time, however.

Three years after DDay, I trust my wife. I also check on her to make sure my trust is not foolish. As I consistently see that she is trustworthy by her actions, my trust grows. Is the trust I have in her the same as it was before DDay? No, and I wouldn't want it to be. That was blind trust, and unwarranted. This is eyes-wide-open trust.