My Dday was August 20th. Since then we have gone back and forth. Trying, not trying. He's afraid. How does he know I'm for real? How does he know that I won't hurt him again.

Let me explain. I am the BS, he is the WS. He had an A, he says he feel out of love for me because I didn't show my love to him. This is true. I didn't. I regret being so blind. I am so sorry that I hurt him. But now he hurts me very badly.

I told him that I would do anything to try and make this work out. He says he's not sure if he can believe me, that he's scared. He still has had phone contact with the OW. I told him nothing will ever be resolved if he continues to do that. He said at one point that he doesn't want to be married anymore. We went to a MC who has not helped much at all.

What can I do? I love my H so completley. I am the one who is so sorry for ignoring him for so long. I want to try again. We had so much good before it all went to pieces.

Is there any hope? Am I fooling myself?

He's here and has been. I know he has just had phone contact with the OW. He says he does not want to "be" with her. He doesn't want to be with anybody. He shares the house and bed with me, but thinks that things will never and could never be better. That I will always think less of him and be resentful.

What do I do?

GothamRoad....First of all I want to reassure you that your situation is one that many of us have been through. Your husbands apathy and fear, and your despair is really typical. You are not alone in this, others have been through it and are going through it and we are here to support you.

You ask what you need to do. The answer is Plan A, PlanA, PlanA. Read up on this site as much as you can about it and get yourself a copy of "Surviving and affair" and "His needs her needs". Read then in that order and leave them about for him to browse through too.

Basically Plan A is about being the best you can be and doing what you can to end the affair without "Love busting". You can read about exactly what this means on here and in the books.

My husbands attitude was much teh same as your husbands is now. However , after nearly 6 months of planA and a few months of No contact with his OP, I can finally say that we have progress. he has gone from being certain that he didnt love me and didnt want to be with me to "I dont know" on both counts. In other words the dial is moving along the scale in my direction <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Be patient be loving, get reading, get praying and post, post ,post for support. We are all here for you.

Best of luck

Debra xx

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Debbra is right, you can start in Plan A. Read all about it on the link in my signature line.

Your WH must have no contact with the OW. And that may be very hard for him.

You can also print out the emotional needs questionnaire, and start meeting each others' needs.

I agree with Believer, it is time for Plan A. Click on the link in my signature line to get an overview of recovery, and some great resources you will need, including some additional links on Plan A.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He had an A, he says he feel out of love for me because I didn't show my love to him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This does not make any sense to me. Affairs are remarkably cruel, selfish and disrespectful acts. Unless your definition of love includes those things, he did not do it out of love for you. He may have been seeking love he was not getting from you, but that is a different thing.