I'm new to this site but have posted several times in the last week or so. Long story short, my W told me two weeks ago she no longer loves me. We became totally honest this weekend and she admitted she had feelings for an ex but hasn't acted on them. I'm thinking an EA not a PA. She wants to try to separate, go back to her hometown (800 miles away) with my 2 year old daughter next month. The ex lives nearby her hometown where she will be. I know they have been talking every day. I'm going to start Plan A shortly by asking her very respectfully to stop talking with him. I'm not sure what her response will be. I'm thinking that I will ask her to continue our counseling and work together on resolving things to save our family. To complicate this, she says she does not know if she wants to work things out. That is the reason for the separation, so I'm in limbo until she makes up her mind. But I'm worried about her EA, and thinking I just shouldn't sit back and give her space. So I am thinking of doing Plan A and showing her I want to fight for us. Once I begin Plan A, what if she says no? How can I make sure she has cut ties with this guy if she agrees? Thanks for listening. Jmash

We became totally honest this weekend and she admitted she had feelings for an ex but hasn't acted on them. I'm thinking an EA not a PA.
I’m thinking probably PA. If not, then it will be very soon. And it will defintely be one if she leaves.

I'm going to start Plan A shortly by asking her very respectfully to stop talking with him.
Why wait? Start Plan A now.

I'm not sure what her response will be.
Her response will be, “You can’t control me. I’m entitled to have friends and besides, nothing is going on!”

You should do Plan A regardless of what she does, says or thinks.
Have you read “Surviving An Affair”?

Also, read the links below.

You will know Plan A is working when the A ends. Sometimes, you will get glimpses of hope, but this is a wild rollercoaster you are getting on. Read everything you can on here and hang on tight!

Try to increase your chances of WS working on your M by expressing what you perceive have been your shortcomings. Plan A is about giving to the other person when you are not getting anything in return. It's tough, but you need to look inward at your role in the M for any hope of recovery.

They all say they don't know if they want to work on things. Tell her you understand, but you just want the chance to try *one* more time (and that includes NC).

You are not in limbo. You are in Plan A! You have lots of work ahead of you.

There is no guarantee of the EA ending, but you will give her every reason to question her R with the OM.

Stop LB'ing, learn WS' top ENs, and start taking care of yourself.

BTW, try to keep her from leaving the house. You need her with you for Plan A to work most effectively.

Please read the Plan A links in my signature line link.

Another question I have about plan A, what if I request no contact between this guy and her, and she says no? What do I have to fall back on without making demands or other LB's? I am thinking of asking her to leave our child with me on her trip. She still may have contact with him even if I ask her not to, but at least I know she will come back to me and our child. Thanks,

Jmash