To dhanush----
Thank you for your post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . Although it made me feel very uncomfortable. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I do understand the extent of what I did to my husband and marriage, and I do feel horrible and very guilty about it. I will try to make it up to my husband the rest of our life together. And I am grateful for him staying with me and not exposing this to the WORLD!!!
But , out of curiosity, are all OMs and OWs bad people? You dont think they are also people that feel bad about the messes they create . Do the OM or OW ever fall in love with US the(unfaithful) people. Or all the OMs and OWs are out there to damage marriages and people?
I mean, I cannot believe that all OMs and OWs are these horrible people that manipulate lives and go from prey to prey. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
I do think JL is a great adviser and he should do this professionally. He is a great man and we are all very lucky to have him here!
Myrta

Dhanush:

If you really want to know what is love is --- leave stanley and go and live with your OM. you will find what is true love in a month. Then you will never even doubt your husbands love for a second even in your dreams.

OK, give Myrta a break. She only knows the OM thru the Internet and the phone. As you know anyone (including an OM) can present a beautiful personality thru this media of communication. The overwhelming majority of the physical encounters were basically to have intercourse in a hotel room. There is no way in the world that Myrta can have a good sense about the character of the OM even thou she thinks otherwise. Myrta is still in withdrawal and it is still difficult for her to deal with these issues. I believe that accepting the OM was scum would have a negative effect on her. If you are a former OM then you know that the hallmark of a WW is some sort of self-esteem issue. Myrta is a great woman with some imperfections. I have many imperfections myself. Who knows I could be an OM myself in the right circumstances.

Myrta - can you see what have you done to your husband?. Its equal to rape. You were trying to replace him for the past two years while living with him.

These issues are very difficult for the two of us. While Myrta was doing this she truly believed she was not harming me or the marriage. Initially she thought the OM would disappear and that I would never know about this. She has stated her mind was blank regarding her family when she was with the OM. This is like an addiction-- you know that!

So now you are no longer talking to OM means that he has to trust you 100 % and love you. See even after what you did to him , he is still there for you. He has not exposed you , he has not thrown you out even though it is a legitimate reason for divorce.
Can you see his fears?. His insecurity?. Why a man who was so self assured all his life is suddenly feeling so? .I do strongly believe that your H has the strength to live with out you. Be grateful to him that he chose you. Will you do the same if the roles are reversed?

Despite everything I think it is best for me to stay with Myrta. She was faithful for 30 years. I guess that means something. How do I throw that away?

Mytra -- OM has nothing to do with your marriage, he is a snake. low lying scum.
Do you know why you defend him????.
When your H says something derogatively about OM, you also realize that you have slept with him, your mind denies the fact that you can not sleep with people like that.
I was myself an OM myrta, i know my other bad OM side. Your body dictates things then.....

I know why Myrta defends the OM. It must be hard to accept that what one has done for two years was completely meaningless. I understand why anyone can be a little defensive. But, most of all she is still in withdrawal.

Do you know that many times I asked Myrta to go live with the OM for a month? I am so sure that Myrta would grow tired of the OM within a couple of weeks. You see----- Myrta has not spend any time with the OM under normal circumstances. Like you I am sure that if she had to see the OM's face 24/7 she would be coming home in heartbeat. Myrta did not take me up on my offer------- she knows better. She is an intelligent woman. She knows that life with the OM almost always ends up in disaster once the relationship becomes public.

So stop defend him. Accept and own your shortcomings.
Please be grateful to your H for staying with you.

She has no choice in the matter------- give her time! She is in self-preservation mode while having to deal with the guilt and everything else.

Myrta -

I don't believe that OM and OW are bad people. I know my husband was always a good and honorable man. He raised his children by himself for 8 years until we got married.

He is the type of man who will treat everyone well. It does not matter if you are the president of the U.S. or a homeless drunk. He will treat you with the same care and respect.

According to the OW's husband, she was a good wife and mother. She has always been a homemaker and kept a nice home. She was loving to her husband and daughter.

They met each other innocently enough. My husband was walking the dog. OW was out on her porch crying, as her husband had just left for Iraq. My husband stopped to comfort her, and it went on from there.

I am sure they think they love each other. Now their life has changed. My husband completely abandoned me, and I mean completely. He and OW moved in together, and he has only spent about 10 hours with me in the last 20 months.

I have received no money at all from him in that time, although I am continuing to pay all of the bills for our home. He got an early retirement bonus of $25,000. and has blown it all. All in all the two of them have gone through over $100,000. They have nothing to show for it but good times together.

The OW who says that her 12 year old daughter is the most important thing in the world to her, has unfortunately abandoned her. Yes she comes by to spend an hour with her every couple of weeks. But her daughter has no way to contact her mom, and does not know where she lives.

Myrta, if this is what true love is like, I want no part of it. To me it is more like two people who have an addiction that they are feeding. And I truly feel sorry for both of them. Their love has been built on lies, denial and the pain of their families.

Believer:

Initially you said-------------

I don't believe that OM and OW are bad people. I know my husband was always a good and honorable man. He raised his children by himself for 8 years until we got married.

He is the type of man who will treat everyone well. It does not matter if you are the president of the U.S. or a homeless drunk. He will treat you with the same care and respect.

And afterwards you added---------------

My husband completely abandoned me, and I mean completely. He and OW moved in together, and he has only spent about 10 hours with me in the last 20 months. I have received no money at all from him in that time, although I am continuing to pay all of the bills for our home. He got an early retirement bonus of $25,000. and has blown it all. All in all the two of them have gone through over $100,000.

Regarding the OW you initially said-------------

According to the OW's husband, she was a good wife and mother. She has always been a homemaker and kept a nice home. She was loving to her husband and daughter.

Then you added----------------

The OW who says that her 12 year old daughter is the most important thing in the world to her, has unfortunately abandoned her. Yes she comes by to spend an hour with her every couple of weeks. But her daughter has no way to contact her mom, and does not know where she lives.

And lastly you stated------------

Myrta, if this is what true love is like, I want no part of it. To me it is more like two people who have an addiction that they are feeding. And I truly feel sorry for both of them. Their love has been built on lies, denial and the pain of their families.

I agree!


Well Myrta and I had an argument tonight. I wanted to talk calmly but she was very defensive. I was probably not in good form either and perhaps sounded judgmental. However, Myrta was livid. I think the post by the former OM really got to her.

Despite the argument we got some useful information out and she admitted that her constant defense of the OM is nothing more than self-preservation. If she admits the shortcomings of the OM she is saying to herself that she suffers from the same ailment. I certainly don’t want Myrta to have a self pity MIA CULPA party. I know she has suffered with guilt. She told me she does not want to become ill or severely depressed because of her actions and I fully agree!

She had a moment of radical honesty and told me that just before our phone number was changed she received a call from the sister of the OM who has called here periodically to speak for the OM’s case. I guess she also wants Myrta to leave the marriage.

Myrta told the sister of the OM that we were getting a new phone number and that I had actually recorded the calls the OM had made my home against my wishes. Myrta also told the OM’s sister that I would report the OM to the authorities if he discovered our new number and called again.

Myrta further admitted that this step was very painful as she was really slamming the door on the OM and emotionally she rather not do that.

The withdrawal is still pretty strong, but Myrta is showing a lot of strength.

Still I am forced to live with the concept that at any time the communication lines can be opened. This is quite hard on me and at the peak of the argument once again I reminded Myrta that the door was opened if she wanted to go and live with the OM. Gee, maybe I still has some pride left!

We are both depressed . I think the post by the OM affected us. IN addition JL’s remarks regarding some issues between us got to Myrta and now she is thinking about these things in a different light.

Nuff said!

Thanks for listening Believer!

Stanley and Mryta -

Your situation is completely different than mine. You are together. I hope that my post didn't bring you down.

As far as my relationship with my husband, although I really feel like he used to be a good man, I have gotten over that. My husband is dead to me.

I still remember from time to time the husband I used to have, and the memories are good. He has chosen his path, and I wish him luck. I have no bad feelings about the man that he is. It is just not the man I want to be with.

Myrta -I mean, I cannot believe that all OMs and OWs are these horrible people that manipulate lives and go from prey to prey.

yes i agree- I agree 100%. I am not like that i know that. You know i am very young. May be the age <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . I am some like your H. Mature for the age, always doing the right thing, ambitious, good looking and fun loving. I am some one like believers H also. Always caring for others feelings and my problems started at this point....

I sometimes feel i was at the wrong place at the wrong time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

But that does not mean that i was not a snake.....
Myrta , the OM/OW has nothing to do with you WSs marriages. Its your Marriage and about your loyalty to your H. The OM did not choose to betray your H but it is you who chose to do this. If your H has 50% responsibility for the failure of the marriage but you have 100% responsibility for the Affair. The OM or your H has nothing to with that. The oppurtunity was there and you chose to act on that

If you want to see the best poster child for honesty,hard working, intelligent , witty then thats me. When i came to MB i know that i did a big mistake and I acknowledged that fact and grown from that. In all these 2 years+ I have come across atleat 3 potential bed partners - all are married and lonely. I can identify one very easily. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . But when ever i found one and the mutual attraction starts I withdraw immediately and put a wall around me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
MB has taught this. Its not worth to cause damage to another soul for some fun.

I am a very good conversationist and a caring person and really sensitive. It makes the opposite sex come towards me. But Acting upon that is a differnet one.

To STANLEY - from your posts i can see how much you love your wife. But stop defending her. We are not posting to her to hurt but to help her face her daemons and clear the cobwebs. Let her face it. If you want things to go away and back in love as nothing has happened... you will not have a healthy marriage. resentment will creep in.
Its her time to grow. Do not stop that.

See KIWIJ - she was like that. She faced her daemons and see where she is....
I want to see myrta at your side lauging with no teeth and literally no eyesight at the age of 100.
and to celeberate your 80 th marriage anniversary......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

dhanush

Dhanush:

Thanks for posting and presenting your viewpoint. You are very young whereas my wife and I are at a different stage in our lives---------- She was faithful until age 49. I know my wife is not a bad person, but she is in the throes of withdrawal and once again told me it will take a long time before she becomes normal again.

Myrta has a lot in her plate and so do I. Our conversations last night and this AM became adversarial as she still has her defense all the way up. Perhaps I still sound harsh despite my best efforts, but nevertheless I keep trying. I know in my heart I don't resent Myrta anymore and I simply want to move on.

However, the fact that she still thinks of the OM in a romantic way is a thorn on my soul.

In addition, Myrta can be very blunt and has often express that my discovery of the affair ruined the whole thing for her. Myrta says that she would have ended the affair on her own when she no longer wanted to have sex with the OM. She is bitter because I caught her and she had to stop the affair.

Myrta further stated that it would be ideal for her to remain married and to have the OM on the side, however, she admits this scheme does not work in real life and would cause the destruction of the marriage. She says I have to be patient because she has not gotten the OM of her system.

At the same time she affirms I have nothing to worry and that she will not restart the affair. One gets the impression that she is doing all of this reluctantly and is mad at me for asking her to be faithful or to be 100% in the marriage. When I reminded her that a spouse is expected to be 100% in the marriage she said I would have to wait for her withdrawal to go away.

She was also bitter with me because she was forced to slam the door on the OM. She acknowledges this is the best thing to do, but at the same time resents me for having to shut the door on the OM. I told her the door was open and to go live with the OM, but she keeps saying that is an impossibility.

Myrta is also sad because the OM said he will not have an affair anymore and he (the OM) will only have a reconciliation with her is she leaves the marriage.

No one said it would be easy to deal with the fog!!!!

dhanush----I think you forgot to add in your list of qualities 'MODESTY". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
So you are this magnet for woman, and thatswhy they are drawn to you, but since you are this beautiful person now, you push them away. Aww, commendable of you!!!
I know I was 100%responsible for this mess that I got myself and husband into. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> And right now is 75% my responsability to make it better, and get us out of the mess. It is a very difficult task t o accomplish, but I AM TRYING MY BEST!! My husband thinks that I am not doing enough and he always complains about what I say and what I do. Right NOW I am giving my best.
Is starting to dawn into me, that my husband really wants to end the marriage, but he stays for WHO KNOWS WHAT!! He says that it is because he loves me, it might be so, but I think his love is not going to be enough for him to be able to REALLY FORGIVE ME
Like he said, we are in another age bracket, so we might not see things exactly the same way you do.
Thank you for posting again!
Myrta

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 08:33 AM: Message edited by: Myrta ]</small>

Believer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> What you are going thru is very bad. I feel terrible about your husband's horrible actions.
I guess he was not such a good man after all, if he is forgetting about everyone and everything to be with this woman. And she sounds like another gem herself. I cannot believe that she would leave her 12 year old behind. I have a 12 year old, and I would die if I did not see her, but every couple of weeks for one hour. They deserve each other!! And one day they will wake up (hopefully) and see the extent of the damage they have done to so many people.
Believer, my husband and I are not doing well since yesterday. He has lots of anger and resentment towards me. He twists everything that I say. He accomodates what I say to suit him best!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
He has not patience at all, although he paints himself here like this forgiving man. He wants me to be completely cured and out of the fog . He wants me to talk to him, but then gets hurt and offended with my words. He says that everything that I say is the WRONG thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
But then, he wants me to trust him completely and open myself to him!!!
I am really having doubts about us working this out! Not because of me, but because of HIM, I ended the affair, and have no plans of re-startingt it. Even if he doubts what I say. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Myrta

Myrta -

You are doing very, very well. Don't forget that. I'm proud of you.

Stanley is very hurt, and is letting you know that. But he does love you, and wants the marriage.

I don't want to male bash, but I think it is kind of a male thing. He is reclaiming his territory and wants you to know he is the better man - it's kinda like when the male rams fight over the female during mating season.

Stanley - Please do not tell Myrta she is free to go live with OM. That is not helping your marriage.

Also have you been spending quality time together - 15 hours a week, without discussing OM, affair? That is a requirement for recovery, which is where you both are now.

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 08:48 AM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

Myrta:

We might as well argue over the Internet that in person.

he always complains about what I say and what I do. Right NOW I am giving my best.

OK, this is the deal. Myrta is disappointed that I discovered the affair. She wanted the affair to end when she got tired of the OM---------------- no sooner than that.

She described her ordeal as follows:

Imagine you have a full urinary bladder and you desperately need to go to the bathroom. Then you finally get to the bathroom and start to urinate, but suddenly you have to stop when you are halfway done (midstream) and get out of the bathroom even thou your bladder is still full.

This is how Myrta feels bout the affair, she wanted the relationship with the OM to run its course and I was not suppose to know about it. In the meantime Myrta had completely abandoned me in the marriage even thou she was physically present in the house. That is why I tell her the door is open if she wants the OM.

Is starting to dawn into me, that my husband really wants to end the marriage, but he stays for WHO KNOWS WHAT!! He says that it is because he loves me, it might be so, but I think his love is not going to be enough for him to be able to REALLY FORGIVE ME

What else can I say. I have done everything I can. I have worshiped this woman all my life, but she still has doubts--------------- She thinks I don’t love her. Of course the OM reinforced this concept for two years.


Believer, my husband and I are not doing well since yesterday. He has lots of anger and resentment towards me. He twists everything that I say. He accommodates what I say to suit him best!!

Not true Myrta.

Yesterday while watching Barbara Walters interviewing Mary Laternou (not sure of spelling) you said it was OK for an OM to ask the WW to break up her marriage if he (the OM) was truly in love. That statement makes me sad, because you are simply echoing the words of the OM who desperately wants to ruin our marriage.

As usual Myrta went ahead and defended the OM by saying that it was not the OM’s fault. She stated that the OM didn’t want to have an affair and that she was the one who forced the OM into the affair. So the OM fell in love and now it was not the OM’s fault if he wanted to destroy our marriage.

CAN YOU SEE WHY I GET SLIGHTLY ANNOYED?

He has not patience at all, although he paints himself here like this forgiving man. He wants me to be completely cured and out of the fog . He wants me to talk to him, but then gets hurt and offended with my words. He says that everything that I say is the WRONG thing.

See above! I have forgiven her, but she is a tuff (misspelled on purpose) cookie!

But then, he wants me to trust him completely and open myself to him!!!

We talked and Myrta raised her voice. Sure, I get flabbergasted by her remarks (but not angry)-------------- I try to understand and will politely ask her to analyze her words---------- Then she gets defensive.

I am really having doubts about us working this out! Not because of me, but because of HIM, I ended the affair, and have no plans of re-starting it. Even if he doubts what I say.

Yes Myrta, but as you said------- it is awfully hard to stop urinating midstream when you have a full bladder. Can you see why I remain concerned?

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 09:02 PM: Message edited by: Stanley568 ]</small>

BELIEVER-----
I understand that my husband is very hurt, although he thinks that I dont! I can see how I hurt him with the A. It is obvious, by the way he looks at me, I see all kinds of things in his eyes. And it really hurts me to see him like that. His "territory" like you said, thats the way he had always seen me, like his "property". I should do, say, and act like he tells me to. No, he is not telling me in an obvious manner how to be,what to say, how to act, but his "in between the lines" messages are there.
No, we do not spend fifteen hours a week just having fun and not talking about the affair. Yes, we do go out, have lunch together, have dinner, movies,etc. but he always bring out the subject of the A. So, it is always ,always in our conversations. Thats why sometimes, I rather go out with another couple that is friends with us, to prevent this kind of conversation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

STANLEY- The midstream that you talked about, is dripping out on its own, even if it was cut abruptly before. There is NOTHING to worry about!! The AFFAIR is finished!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

MYRTA

Stanley and Myrta -

It is time for both of you to lay down the weapons and call a truce. Your arguing back and forth is unproductive and not helping your marriage.

What I want the two of you to do is spend some time this weekend doing something fun together. Do not talk about your marriage, the OM, the past, or anything serious or sad.

You both need a break from this madness, and you need a break NOW. Next week you can figure out how to proceed. I would suggest discussing this with the Harley's or Penny from SYMC.

Stanley, I know you want answers and need to talk about this, but a 2 day rest is not going to hinder your recovery.

Stanley and Myrta,

Please try to follow the POJA [Policy Of Joint Agreement - DO NOT do anything that your spouse is not in enthusiastic agreement with]. BOTH of you should come to an agreement on when and where you will talk about the affair. Talking about it 24/7 is NOT conducive to a healthy marital recovery [like scratching a wound]. Agree on a day and time when the two of you can sit down and calmly, quietly and respectfully talk about the affair. And as far as coming to the boards, it should ONLY be done with the full and enthusiastic cooperation of BOTH of you. In other words Stanley, you DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT come to the boards WITHOUT Myrta, got it? Good, don't force me to get my virtual kangaroo hide bullwhip and give you a couple of virtual lashings. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

His "territory" like you said, thats the way he had always seen me, like his "property". I should do, say, and act like he tells me to.

That is uncalled for Myrta. You were always free to follow your own path. I never watched or monitored you. You traveled freely to faraway places, you had full control of everything including ALL THE MONEY (you could spend money on whomever), your cell phone bills were private(I never bother to check bills like you checked mine), you had a secret password to your email whereas you always knew my email password.


No, he is not telling me in an obvious manner how to be, what to say, how to act, but his "in between the lines" messages are there.

Never told you what to do or say. However, I admit I have asked you to do ONE THING for me. I have not been subtle about that request:

NO CONTACT WITH OM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO CONTACT WITH OM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO CONTACT WITH OM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO CONTACT WITH OM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO CONTACT WITH OM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO CONTACT WITH OM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO CONTACT WITH OM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NO CONTACT WITH OM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Is that a good reason to say I treat you like property?

Come Myrta, give me a break! Why can we have a heart to heart?


God, I love this woman!!

<small>[ September 25, 2004, 05:58 PM: Message edited by: Stanley568 ]</small>

Myrta-
I want to help you & H with
questions or concerns. I am
FWW. I had A with old friend
from HS-he now lives across
the country-with didnt stop
our connection. My DDay was
May 6&7. I was an emotional
mess. I had lived with secret
for 6 months before confessing.
I know the emotions, the highs
and lows. I was weak & vulnerable,
I was an addict for the lust &
attention. It was my high. My
low was the pain in my H eye's
when I told him-that pain is still
there-not as much now-but in some
ways it will always be there.
My regret is huge-we are both
still healing. I tell myself that
this happened to me for a reason-
to help other women. I want to help
you-let me know what I can say,
or answer of you.
Your pain is evident-I am not a
terrible woman-I am human-I made a
mistake-I let someone else love me,
you are the same-we can learn from
our experiences-
prayers-pal

peace&love:

We need all the help we can get. I hope you can post to Myrta some more. She needs to hear from someone like you rather than someone like me who has an obvious bias and conflict of interest.

From what I read in the board affairs with former HS friends are VERY COMMON. I guess it all starts with the common things shared in one's youth and then the desire to re-live the adolescence once again to avoid the stresses of adult life. I cannot think of any other reason. I am completely lost and will never be able to understand why this is happening.

One poster once told me that some men and women fall in love very easily when they receive love units from someone other than the spouse who simply lends an ear to adulthood problems. Maybe you can help me understand why I am going thru this ordeal. From my point of view I simply cannot understand it. I don't have a clue!

I would warmly welcome any insight you can provide.

Thanks!

Stanley & Myrta and PAL, nice to see you back and good to hear things are going well.

I was finding your posts a bit painful for me because, Stanley, your questions and concerns are exactly what my H struggled with and, Myrta, you sound so much like me just after d-day that it was starting to trigger all the pain my H and I were feeling around then.

I know it's good that you're both venting here but we're not MC's, just struggling people like yourselves (apart from "neutrals" like JL who are just here to help). My H and I discussed all this in MC where we felt safe to say anything and our MC was our very helpful referee.

At first we couldn't believe that we, of all people, would be sitting in an MC's room but, well, there we were. I strongly recommend some good marriage counselling (coaching). It really does help.

Stan, have you been reading my old posts? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> It is VERY easy to fall into an A with someone you have a history with, if the circumstances are right. eg we were having the first trouble in our m where we couldn't talk to each other. For Pete's sake we'd got through our children's teenage years pulling together the whole time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't know if this is true for everyone but when I saw old b/f again I had a "sledgehammer in the stomach" moment. I'd never felt it before with anyone. That might sound stupid but I have heard other people (in real life) mention it. If that hadn't happened we would have just met up again (at an old friend's funeral - where all this started), discussed old times, then gone on with our lives.

Try and work forward both of you - remember the old "no love buster" rule when you're talking on the net to each other.

You know, you WILL be fine. I said you were just like us and look at us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jen

It is VERY easy to fall into an A with someone you have a history with, if the circumstances are right. eg we were having the first trouble in our m where we couldn't talk to each other.

We were not having a specific problem among us, but perhaps I was not giving my wife a lot of romance. Two of my kids were having marital problems and my wife was stressed.

Myrta’s HS friend was not an old flame. In fact Myrta never paid attention to the guy when they were in school. Maybe OM got more good looking as he turned 50. I just don’t get it. Maybe I should talk to an old high school friend and see what is like.

In any event Myrta got mad at me tonight for being such a pest and now I am feeling MUCH BETTER. She yelled there was no OM to worry about and I finally got it. I worship her Kiwij, I wish I could be a less intense. This is so strange----------- I used to be an easy going type B personality, non-anal type of guy. In any event I am getting there. Thanks for the support.

Could you post a link to your original story?
Initially I looked for your original posts, but I couldn’t find them using the search mode.

Thanks again

CIAO!

Sheesh, me post a link? You are asking the impossible. I'm very computer literate but that stumps me every time. Actually, Stan, I would but my posts are scattered everywhere.

If you do a search on my membership number in General Questions the whole darn lot show up. My first post was In Recovery and was called "How my BS lifted the fog" or something like that.

Do you know what really stood out for me? That my H, who is also laid back and non anal, really fought for me. By that I mean he showed in every way possible that he adored me - just like you adore Myrta. He read everything, he did everything the MC said, he just made it clear that he was not going to lose me to someone else.

He never came on MB - he found it too painful. He posted once to thank JL and all the other people who'd been helping me (us).

He has also set a boundary that will hold true the rest of our lives. If I ever start up with OM again he will divorce me in a second. And he means it. He said I've forgiven you once, I will never forgive a second time. I know it sounds easy for him to say but he is a very strong man and I believe him. And it is NOT that "threat" that keeps me on the straight and narrow - it is everything I've learned about myself, about affairs and about my H.

Jen