I'm sure this is what most here do NOT want to hear. Especially from a first time poster. I am not here to make waves but to give some input...

Be prepared for it to backfire big time. H thought exposing the affair would leave me without the OM. He went to my family, he went to OM's wife, he told anyone who would listen.

My family forgave me and felt that everyone made mistakes. It made me despise my H and definitely helped in my making a decision to leave him.

OM left his W. For him it was a blessing. He wanted out of his M and got out even though his W wanted to make the M work.

Be prepared for it not to work in your favor.

Good luck and good healing to you all.

He didn't "have" you when he made the exposure, now did he?

So, what did he lose?

At least he took the first and proper step to attempt to end your affair. It was your choice that it "didn't work". Not his.

If you are thinking of persuing a long term relationship with this OM, now that he "is luckily" no longer with his W, you should take a look at the statistics for relationships that begin as an affair, based on lies, secrecy, deception and betrayal.

Be prepared for it not to work in your favor.

SD

Raven,
In some cases you are absolutely correct, exposure does not work It would seem logical that for exposure to work, the offending parties would have to have some sense of shame. Sadly, some people don’t have any shame. They feel that a bad marriage entitles them to lie and cheat, instead of coming forward and doing what’s more difficult; confronting the problem with honesty and coming to some resolution as to what action to take.
Coach

Starting a relationship with a man (or a woman) who
- would rather look for another partner outside the M than to fix any problems in the M or at least get a D
- doesn't mind lying and cheating on his or her own partner, but also shows no respect for the partner of his or her "OP"
- needs the exposure of the A to realise that they "despise" their partner
- doesn't care if the partner wants to work on the M

doesn't sound like the sort of person I could love, respect and trust for the rest of my life.

Good luck to you.

TheRaven

well at least you have gotten what you deserve!!!
What a "great" catch!
Just hope for you that it isn't going to bite you in your butt some day!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Take care and if you believe that you have now made the right choice then think about one thing.

You are great at making "bad choices" (your x-husband as you have said) so why do you believe this choice is going to be different or better? You have now choose to be with a lyer, cheater and a person that doesn't "give his best to work things out"..............(Conflict-avoider)

Perfect person to relay on and you'll have great memories when you "think back" someday. Things that will make you feel prowd of yourself and OM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

This must be "true love & romantic" gosh.......but as I said: You now have what you deserve!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

take care
bb

Raven

you obviously weren't his 'true' wife in the first place.

You intentionally caused hurt, pain and needless heartache to your Xh.
You used the affair as an exit strategy.

It would have been more humane, more courageous and a damn sight more honest to simply tell your XH in the first place that you wanted out and there was no chance of reconcilation than to put him through all that.

Dont try to tell any of us here it was the exposure that decided you to leave, you had already decided that, you wanted an excuse. We've read it all before here.

No one should have to go through what you did to your XH, not you Raven, not anyone, so NO I dont want to ever see it happen to you either. WE certainly dont want our numbers here to grow. Its one club where we would like to see die for lack of numbers!

Raven, You made your choices now you will have to live with them, good or bad, you can try to change what you did in your own mind but it doesn't change the reality.
And people around you know it, even if they overlook it.

"Nevermore"?

Raven, you have fallen into our trap and you are embarking on a course that Poe could turn into a short story rivaling "The Maelstrom".

When exposure doesn't immediately cause an end to an affair - for the reasons coach mentioned, above - it causes everyone witnessing the situation to form new assessments of the affairees, including the betrayed spouses.

Adopting the fortress mentality that you have confirms your worth to the BS and to marriage in general.

Go ahead, marry your affair partner, for whom you both left marriages.

Will either of you find a happy marriage?

Nevermore.

Raven...

Time will show you that your adultery-based relationship is just that. What brought you two together, lies and deceit, is what will be your destruction.

God Bless,
jo

TheRaven,

Interesting name. It conjures up all sorts of images not the least of which is the one WAT referred to. So is your life like a Poe story?

I am curious. If everything is goind so well for you and your OM, then why post here that exposure "doesn't work". It got your attention didn't it?

You now despise your H or exH, why? Because he was right, you were a lying, cheating adulteress? Does that bother you? I know you talk solice that your family forgave you, but are they proud of you and your behavior? Do they think your choice of men has improved, given your record in decision making?

Just a thought from Eli Weismann </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The opposite of love is NOT hate, it is indifference.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So I guess you despising your H is just another manifestation of your deep connections to him.

In any event, it is curious that you would stop to post this, when clearly his disclosure did in fact have the desired affect. It shook you up and caused you to face many things.

JL

TheRaven

Did it take "so little" of us to "chicken you out?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'd have "no problem" at all to listen to your arguements...........if you could only make some sence in what you are saying.

If you truely believe what you are saying, come out and tell us your opinion and give us some real true points.

Don't just "jump out" and make your statements and "run away"!!! It doesn't make sence TheRaven.

If what you said is your opinion and if you believe in what you say, then stand up and give us some explanations "why" you know you are going the "right" direction. Don't just "chicken out!"

I, can stand up for what I believe in and I can tell the world. I believe that relationships that are based on lies and betrayal will never turn out to be beautiful and honerable.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> bb

If you despise your husband for telling the truth, then common sense dictates that you must also despise the truth itself. Otherwise you are just shooting the messenger.

I am truley saddened by your posting. I hope your xh has the faith to continue loving. Because there are women out there who do care about the feelings of others. If you continue to fallow the path of distruction you have started your life will be filled with no peace. I pray that the Lord touches you heart and you think before you cause such pain to another for any reason. There is no excuse for being the other women or man.

TheRaven - That's exactly why I held off contacting the OP and the OPS..I feared that my WH would leave me for one of them. i did not want to lose my WH. I let that fear consume me - then I said what difference does it really make my WH isn't "with me" anyway.

So I exposed the A to one OPH - I also let OP know that she isn't the only OP in my WH life...This stupid W risked her life, M, children, etc. for a flippin serial cheat..She's known by WH for 14 + years and probably believed she was the only OP...How sad is that???? Probably as sad as my still loving this cheat..

I then called another OP and let her know that she is just another women on my WH "call list"..She too is M and is risking everything for my WH and his money. I'm sure he tells her that she is the "only one" and that he loves her..Probably told her I was lying to her - hmm, wonder if I mail her his phone records if that will wake her up. Sorry but a serial cheat can love noone long term - including me. I haven't contacted her BS YET - but, it's coming..

Funny, I worried soooo much and now my attitude is changing - should my WH divorce me - he won't end up with one them - he'll find yet another victim of his sick game, self-love and ego stroking. He doesn't want "them" anymore than he wants "me". These OP aren't the problem my WH using people and being a taker is the problem.

I hope you aren't going to end up where I am - I left my former husband for this man 12 years ago, yes I was a WW, and funny look where I ended up...with a serial cheat..Yes, sometimes it works - but from my first hand experience don't bet on it..

His current phone records show contact with 5 OP..Nice Guy Huh....

If nothing else exposure gives the BS a good feeling for a change. The exposure gives a feeling of release no matter what happens next - at least some is being HONEST....

Not trying to bash you just want you to see all sides of the coin...

The original poster is a troll!

Troll !

Did not work in his favor??????
Why hell yes it did!
He is rid of a cheating wife who no longer loved him. His exposure allowed him to see you for who you truly are.
You feel so guilty,,,,, your words reveal your guilt.... "Blame exposure for ending the Marriage"
I hate to tell you Raven,,,, and this may come as a shock to you,,,, "Your affair ended the Marriage"
I have to chalk a win up for Mr. Raven,,,, Great job of getting this woman out of your life!

Looks like Raven is gone. Something tells me that when the fog lifts, she will still be an unhappy person. Such a shame. I wish her "good luck and good healing."