My husband and I have been married now for seven years. 3 months ago he said that he felt we were missing something emotionally in our marriage. I have felt the same at times. I was mad at first, but then realized that he was right and we need to spend more time one eachother. We have a 2yr. old and I am due to have another child anytime. Life gets busy and we forget about eachother's needs. Well a high school friend of his moved back to town and he was helping her and her mother find a place to live, and he did not tell me. No big deal, but when she called his cell phone one day he lied and said it was a guy friend of his. I could hear a female voice. He said that he did not think I liked her and did not want me to get mad about him helping her. Well I started to get paranoid suspicious. I started digging and pushing him about infidelity and the possibility of her wanting something more on her return. She new of his feelings at the time of our relationship missing emotion.
Come to find out over 3 and a half years ago he had an affair with a girl. Not this friend. He says it was a one time thing, just sex, and it meant nothing. We were having problems at that time and he had taken a job in Las Vegas leaving me at home 3000 miles away for approx. 6 mo. I know the girl and I know she had always had a thing for him. Not knowing about his affair, five and a half months after his affair I had an affair, that I stopped just before sex occurred between the two of us. The worst part about this was he is my husbands best friend and has been for 19yrs he is also married and was our neighbor at the time.
We have started counseling and want to work on staying together. I know my husband loves me and I love him with all my heart. We are a great couple and great friends. At the time of the affairs we were in a totally different place relationship wise and career wise. The problem for me now is I picture them together and I want to throw up. She is in my eyes disgusting. I want to trust him and do, but it is hard to wonder if this was the only time with her or anyone. I truely feel it was, but the thought still pops in my head. But I do realize that eventhough I did not have sex with the friend, I new he always wanted me and this was not the first time the suggestion from him came up. I allowed it to happen.
I have been open and honest with my husband about everything in my life now. I want him to open up with me too. He tends to burry things so he does not have to deal with the pain. That is not healthy and nor do I think it is good for us. That is why we are in the situation we are in now. We did not deal well with issues in the past and we both screwed up. I missed my husband and need him to show me more emotion, I did not tell him that and I went somewhere else for it. I don't know why he did what he did. But I don't want it to happen again for either of us. Any suggestions or questions?
