I just found this board today and have already recived some great info. from the stories I have read. I would love to get a man's eye view of the situation I am in, here it goes:
Found out about EA my husband was having back in March 2004, but he had been "in love" with her for almost a year at that point, but supposedly never had sex with her, and I do think that is true based on emails I have read from the OW. THere were lots of emails, text messages and phone calls b/w the 2. My initial reaction was to kick him out, but I didnt. He promised to stop talking ot her and work on teh realtionship. Needless to say that did not happen and this has been promised at least 2 more times since then. Although they have cut communications greatly, there is still contact and our realtionship is completely destroyed right now. I have given him the option to move out, but he has not. He has secured an apt. and even has a key to it, but still has not moved out. We do have a 2 yo dd and he is a great dad so I know that is a big part of his not wanting to leave.
And a quick background to better understand what we have been through...we have been together 12 years but married in 2001, we bought a house in 2001, had our dd in 2002 (unexpectedly-we never wanted children) and his dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer early 2003-he lived with us for about 6 months....then moved to his own place where my husband took care of him 24/7for 3 months b4 he passed in 9/03...so I was home alone with our new baby all this time....lots to go through in a short amount of time...during this whole time he had the OW to talk to and I had no one.....
Last night he admitted he needs help, that he has hurt so many people and is so miserable and he cannot take it anymore...he doesnt really seem to want the marriage to end, but he seems to have a hard time breaking ties with this other woman....whom he has also lied to from the beginning...
If a man does not leave his wife, is that a sign that he doesnt want the marriage to end? I do think he may be clinically depressed....is it better for him to be here with someone who loves him or for him to be on his own to deal with his demons...but if he moves out I cannot ever be with him again...this pain has been to severe and I will not allow it again...but I do not want ot make a decision I or we will regret...we are not inlove with each other...but I do believe we both love each other and can get it back if he gets help!
And he works with this woman .....and I also told him he would absolutely have to quit his job (whihc he hates anyway!) b/c he obviously cannot control his impulses when it comes to her...
ANy advice on this??? I am going to my first therapy appt today for me to help sort things out, but I thought I would get advice from those who have been there!
Thank you so much for any help!!!!
Jill
