</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would have faired MUCH better having known that it was hard for her, or that she'd miss me, or even that she cared about me, and that our years together DID mean something to her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like you, at the beginning I wanted to know that the OM was still thinking about me. That he still wanted me. That was very important for me , to know that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I find this to be a universal symptom among those who seek affairs.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Has it ever crossed your mind that your H could say the same thing about you. In fact, he may be thinking and feeling the same things you are except you are the one that left him high and dry and you still are. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is this a symptom of insecurity or low self-esteem? After been left behind for two years I have become insecure and have developed similar symptoms. I sort of want to know I was loved even during the time of the affair. Is this the hallmark of those who seek affairs? Do they desperately crave the idea of being loved?

JL said that with my current state of mind I was vulnerable to an affair. I don’t think I could ever do that, but it certainly gives me insight into the mind of those who are susceptible. I must also mention that in several of the emails after d-day from the OM goes into the same tirade and wants to desperately know that he was loved. I think the OM was a very insecure man.

<small>[ October 04, 2004, 08:03 AM: Message edited by: Stanley568 ]</small>

JL,

Our MC brought up the parallels between how I felt and how my H is most likely feeling. There were many parallels in both of our relationships too, and some were pointed out by the OW every so often. She'd say that I was my H in our relationship (always seeking more love, more reassurance, just more). I had never been like that before so it was all very different for me. I didn't like the "me" in that scenario, but that's hard for me to remember. All I mainly remember is what I'm missing and how bad I feel.

I know that my H feels hurt by what I've done, and it is similar to how I'm feeling, except for one big difference--I am here, and he could talk to me, ask me questions, be mad at me, walk away from me, etc. THAT is what I wish I had with my OW--a chance to at least talk about my feelings and her feelings and end it better.

Everything you said is true, and I should be thinking about my H and his hurt over this (and my children's), but I guess I'm still in the fog, because I still can't get over how hurt *I* am. I'm trying to see past the fog and concern myself with my family though. I'm trying.

CC

Myrta,

EXACTLY! I want to know that I meant something to her. I needed (or need) to hear that validation from her before moving on. I know I'm not entitled to anything from her, but if I had that, I'm so sure that I could have moved on by now. If I heard her say, "You meant a lot to me, but now I have to move on," then I think I'd be okay. It's killing me to think that either she's moved on so quickly without thinking of me, or that she hates me. Those 2 scenarios really eat away at me. I took a BIG chance on my relationship with her, and I know in my heart that I never would have done that with anyone else--that's how much she meant to me. I guess I want to hear the same. I won't get the chance though, since she and I haven't really gotten to talk and I'm sure we never will.

Thanks for what you said. I'm glad that I'm not the only WW who needs some validation from my OW!!

CC

Stanley,

I think that you touched on something VERY important! In an A, everyone is affected. We are ALL left feeling very insecure. The WS feels insecure because of ending the A, the OM or OW feels insecure because they felt loved or needed by the WS for a while and now they have nothing, and the other spouse (who didn't have the A) is left feeling very insecure, because he/she doesn't know if they're loved anymore or if they were loved at all during the A. Good point!!!

I'd like to point out that for some reason it's hard to put the A past the WS until they know that they were loved by the OM or OW. At least that's how I feel. It's all a bad, bad scenario.

CC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She tried to end the sexual part of our relationship a few times, feeling guilt, but always came back. The sex was amazing, but I have to admit that it was amazing with my husband, and by myself too. I'm a sexual person.
In July, 2003, after going away with her in Canada, she ended it again. I was DEVASTATED. Felt suicidal. She stuck to her guns this time, stating that she tried everything to make me happy but I always seemed to want more. In truth I was VERY happy, but the distance and our real lives interfered. It was hard to make it all work, but I never wanted to lose her. We tried to maintain the friendship, even though I was still in love. I was convinced that she was still in love, but blocking her feelings to overcome her guilt. She and I still shared some sexual intimacies after that. She let me touch her (somewhat) and she participated in some things with me.
I went to see her in March and there was tension. I was still in love, and I wanted badly to try to maintain the friendship (which is all she said she wanted at this point). When I got home, we began arguing more and more. She was pulling back and I was upset. I threatened to "out" her to her husband, because she seemed to suppress our affair. I threatened to tell my husband too. That night, she told her husband "everything". She sent me an email, according to his request, and said she couldn't speak to me again. I called her, trying to talk to her, but her husband wouldn't put her on the phone and he told me, "I already know enough. Please don't call here again". I was worried about her (her mental state fluctuated during the past few years and she has had some "low" moments). I just needed to hear that she was okay. I wrote, called, etc., to no avail. I was worried sick!
Three days later, another email came in. She took a chance and wrote to me, even though she wasn't "allowed". She told me that she was trying to get through the end of each day. She asked me not to respond to the email. She said that she was sorry but that I "painted" her into a corner. She said she'd miss me and my family very much. She said that she didn't know if she could ever contact me again. She sounded distraught. I was appreciative that she wrote, but sickened at the same time. I worried more. I continued writing, but didn't acknowledge THAT email, in fear of her husband reading it.
I wrote daily (less than the 5-10 emails we used to exchange daily!!). Just once a day. I still tried calling. All to no avail. No response. I worried that she was dead or in an institution. I called one night and heard her voice. She hung up on me. She was alive at least!
I also looked for her online. I missed her greatly and was VERY, VERY depressed. How could it be that I lost her? I found her on a messageboard, under an assumed name (after I joined this messageboard). She realized who I was and posted hateful things about me, calling me a "stalker". It sounded nothing like her.
She sent me a "cease and desist" formal letter in the mail (this after some of my letters and my package to her of HER belongings came back "refused" to me). She said that I wrote in excess of 90 emails and I phoned her home phone and cell numerous times. She urged me to stop or legal action would ensue. I was once again crushed! Here I thought she still cared, and maybe she even appreciated my update emails. I thought I'd get them bounced back or she'd at least have written, asking me to stop. How could it be that this person suddenly hated me and wanted me to stop all contact??</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CC, this is what you wrote Sept 2, 2004. It seems you had plenty of time for closure and even made a trip to your lover’s house. I also see that your rhetoric has changed little since more than a month ago. You need to stop thinking about her and move on--------- it is over! It was a fantasy and as Myrta said--- there was no chance. Stay in IC and concentrate on your husband.

ConfusedCheater <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
You really have to stop this or you are going to go crazy!!
That woman wants to rebuild her marriage and she cannot do it, if you are in the picture. You have to do the same.
Just imagine for a sec! If she will call you or even write you an e-mail, to say "goodbye" or have "closure" with you, you will see that as a sign that she wants to continue the relationship.
Thats why she is not doing it. She knows that in the long run, is going to be worst for you and for HER!!!
Trust me in this one, I did it with my OM. I was in contact with him several times, and even saw him once more after DD. Because I wanted the closure to be soft and not to hurt so much. But he took it as a sign, that we were going to be together again. I hurt him SO MUCH MORE, by doing that. He told me, that "I took him for a ride", that I thought he was dumb. That at last he knew that I really did not want him anymore,and that I was just pulling his strings for no reason.
So, you are going to have to do your best effort and try to forget the OW. Because just because you want it, does nto mean is going to happen. So, why waste all that energy in something that is finish?
I hope that this helps you.
Myrta

CC:

As a BS I can tell you that the spectrum of an OM that refuses to go away is pure hell. The constant interference of this OM in my life after D-day was very painful. You don't know how many blowouts I had every time I learned about some secret email account or direct emails at my wife asking for her new cell number.

CC, affairs are not normal. Folks involved in affairs do CRAZY things, they are ADDICTS and they only want to keep the addiction going. In my case Myrta was much less addicted than the OM. In your case you are very addicted!

CC, OPs only care about their own gratification. I beg you not to behave like one. Consider the damage you have done.

Myrta,

I'm really not "in the picture". She and I don't speak anymore, except for twice on a messageboard and it was hateful (on her end). I don't send her emails, I haven't called her in MONTHS, and I haven't sent her any real mail in MONTHS.

This little setback yesterday made me look for another therapist for myself. I have to investigate why this is so ongoing for me and why I can't move on. I thought I was doing okay and then things hit me out of the blue.

She did what you said you did with your OM. She tried to maintain our friendship for a year, after she tried to end the sex part. I was confused b/c I thought deep in her heart she still wanted me but was choosing the "right path". Anything other than that didn't make sense to me, since she assured me daily that I was what she wanted, and she was "blessed" that I was in her life, etc.

She really did a number on me. Never in my life have I given SO much of myself to anyone. I've changed drastically and I don't even recognize myself. It's like she sucked the life out of me. I happily wanted to maintain our relationship and then she changed it all, citing that we never had any "agreement" and she should be free to change her mind. Then she threw away the friendship too. It's all hard for me to bear. I know I've done the same with my H, but I'm still here, willing and wanting to be close to him in some ways.

My therapy starts in 2 weeks. Hope I can hold on until then! Thanks for your words.

Stanley,

Thanks for your words too. I thought I HAD moved on a lot in the past month or so. I've been thinking about her less, obsessing less and been able to even begin to focus on my family. Then I felt like I was hit by a 2x4 yesterday. I'm trying though. I don't want to be the obsessed one; the stalker. I've stopped calling, writing, etc., and I was happy to attain SOME closure by getting some of my things back from her. All I wanted was for it to end nicer, and to know I'm not hated by her. Her opinion still seems to matter to me. I know I'm not out of the fog yet.

CC

CC--I know you are not literaririly in the picture anymore, but YOU want to be. You still have hopes with her!! Thats why youu cannot move and be affectionate with your husband. You still think that this woman is going to change her mind, and come back and re-start the AFFAIR. She is not going to change her m ind, her mind is set already. She wants to stay married, with her husband and kids. She knows it would be the biggest mistake of her life, to break everythng to start something with you, that has all the ingredients for failing.
The setbacks are normal, dont get discouraged with them. You will have more, I am sure. Too much happened in those three years for you to forget it so fast.
You are hearing everything we say to you, but I dont think you want to listen. I was like that for some time too, although, not as bad as you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
She does not hate you, she is pretending to do so, so you can forget about her. Dont you see that?
Unless she was the best actress in the world, and everything that happened between you two was all different scenes for a movie. It did happened and there were emotions from both parts.
But now that everything is out in the open, she realized faster than you, that it was all craziness. That it will never work! I think you are more of an idealist, and you believe there was going to be a happy ending for both of you. She knows better!
Myrta

Myrta,

I REALLY don't have any more hopes with her. I know that she's dead-set on never speaking to me again. It would upset her whole life, and everything she had planned. She'd possibly lose her children, lose her inheritance and so much more. She never knew how we'd support each other (financially, with jobs), and she was MUCH more of a realist than I was!

The reason I'm finding it hard to move on is that it was so clear how she felt about me for 3 years. Even when we were friends, she seemed to value me VERY much. She spoiled me, she spent lots of time on me, she thought of me often. All that, and I STILL wanted more. I still longed for the whole, entire, perfect picture, as it was when she and I first fell in love. I tried to capture that back for so long and it drove me crazy not to have it, yet I was very grateful that she was still in my life as my friend.

It's so hard to accept that *I* was her saviour. She told me again and again. Was she lying? Nope, I don't think so. I saw firsthand how she didn't have many friends, and even people around were seemed a bit distanced (it's true that MANY people are put off by extremely overweight people, like herself). Even her H wasn't what she hoped he'd be. She didn't feel valued. Then I came along and worshipped her. She loved it and at the same time wondered how that could be, when no one EVER praised her! I'm sure she was confused. I was confused too-falling in love with an overweight woman!

Anyway, the ONE thing I cannot get over is that SHE left ME. I was the one who was sociable, had many friends, my family loved me, I was thin, pretty, people flirted with me, etc., and she was the opposite. She assured me that I'd leave her. Her leaving me was a shock, and I just can't get over it. Can't believe that she was able to do that, and it made me rethink our entire relationship. I don't want to be taken for a fool, so I rehash things (like Stanley does). It still makes no sense.

I'm TRYING to get over it and hopefully the therapy will help. Hopefully this vacation will help too. I haven't been away from a computer in over 3 years. I'm losing all hope of tracking "her" down anymore. She's nearly nowhere to be found. I should just break away from it.

Thanks for your input-again. I'm going to lie down--feel icky--like I'm getting the flu. Take care.

CC

CC,

You said it never occured to you that your OW would leave you. I guess that explains how and why you have treated your H the way you have. It really has not occured to you that he would/will leave you. You know on one level but you clearly have NO concern for him leaving you.

I surely hope this doesn't backfire on you as did your relationship with OM. It is clear from the beginning your felt "entitled" to do this, and you still do. It is a level of the fog that is common, it is called selfishness.

I do hope you do come out of this before you have done so much damage to your marriage that even if it continues to exist, it will be in name only.

Hopefully, the vacation will do the trick.

God Bless,

JL

I believe all parties to the A behaved as jerks. Each was using the other for their own ends.

CC, honey please let it go. You need someone to help you with this obsessive thought pattern. The fantasy is over. The only place your girlfriend's love or care for you exist is in your head. STOP this continued dwelling on "did she really love me", "how could she do this to me", ...

If you want a gay love affair, tell your husband. If you don't, accept you got caught up in some wild brain meltdown. It is clear the OW has accepted this and you need to. Your xGF has what she wants, her husband not you.

Closure...did we ever get closure??? We said our "I love you's" and "miss you always" OM sent me home to try and work things out with H.

Said we weren't "letting each other go"..."our hearts and souls would always be etched with the love and emotions we'd given to each other" ... that "we both are still in this world, praying for each others' happiness"-til the day we die...that he would always be there for me...no matter what...always ...

Stanley, I truly believe him, though you'd say it's all "smooth talk" He never tried to destroy my M...all he wanted was for my happiness, even if it wasn't with him...there were no intended malicious acts. Yes, WE were selfish in our actions, Yes, WE made decisions that ultimately hurt EVERYONE...but I know for a fact that OM would NEVER be happy having been the one to wreck a marriage/tear apart a family...we BOTH had much guilt from the very beginning of the EA and had tried to break away many times before it progressed to the PA.

Having a pretty bad night...and thought I would be comforted by re-reading old emails from OM cuz they used to make me smile...I ended up crying...miss him soooo much...found myself talking to a video clip he had sent me on our last day of contact.

I really don't know if I'm outta the fog yet...or if I was ever really in??? I, like Myrta, never intended on leaving my marriage ...just wanted to keep the friendship with OM, like CC wanted. I get sooooo sad when I think about all of this...

If only...wish I could turn back the hands of time...would still have a wonderful husband who didn't have a "tainted, unfaithful" wife...would have an awesome friend who had the utmost respect for my strong convictions, morals, values...the two people that meant the absolute world to me...YET...I can't regret falling in love...would never take that back...but was that worth all the pain/damage it caused in all our lives?

Myrta, you've said that your feelings have faded for OM...in what respect..."out of sight, out of mind" due to NC or is it that you've changed your mind about how you really felt about OM?

I know in my heart, 100%, that OM loves me, misses me...why can't I say that about H? My future with him is uncertain, just as you've all said. He doesn't look at me the same anymore... the emotional/physical connection is gone ... What's left? two entities that occupy each others' space and time yet never link <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

SANSAN-
I also think that there werenot really malicious acts intended from my OM. Yeah, maybe he wanted to break my marriage at the end, but he thought that I wanted that too. I never told him, that I wanted to have a life with him. I would tell him in ajoking matter, that I was his wife, or would be, or put his last name in my name,etc. But it was all kidding, and he knew it. I guess he took it seriously as a sign that we had the same goals.
SanSan-I still think about him, of course I do!!! That cannot go so fast. I still have strong trigguers with things I see, or hear. But now its different, although it still hurts, I know it was something outrageous! something forbidden!
I never,ever, thought I could be with another man, andnow I see back, and I am so shocked with what I did!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
But when I was doing it, it was so natural. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
You are very young (30?) so thats why you are taking things harder. It will pass, it might take a while, but it will!!!
Myhusband loves to read your posts. He gets a lot of inside information from you,(he says).
Take care.
Dont cry <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Myrta

SANSAN-
I forgot! I am also sure he loved and loves you still. I am sure of the same with my OM. I dont think all men,OMs , are this uncaring animals, that dont feel or love!

Myrta

JL,

I read your post last night and didn't want to address it then. I figured I'd sleep on it. I was too deep in the fog to even worry about the possibility of IF my H would leave me, like my OW did. There always is that possibility. He and I are communicating and getting along. I just haven't come very far in these (nearly) 5 months, and that's why I set up an appt with a new therapist for me. Hopefully it will end my thought patterns with regard to my OW. Thanks for your words. I'll let you know how our vacation goes and what happens.

2T2B,

My A wasn't in my head, and you'd have to be in my shoes to understand how deeply my OW cared about me. It's hard to accept the change.

I certainly do NOT want a "gay love affair". I didn't go looking for it, and was shocked that I even fell in love with anyone other than my H, ESPECIALLY that it was with a woman. I'm not dreaming of having sex with a woman because of it. I just miss HER.

YOu said that my exGF has what she wants now? I doubt it highly! She wanted her H to be a different person--one who would be more of a companion to her and who would make their children a priority. She said he'd never change. I honestly hope he did, and I hope she finds some happiness. I only thought it would be with me.

SanSan,

I feel for you! I know how hard it is to lose the whole relationship--the friendship. I am missing out on that SO much, and I do regret stepping over the line with her and losing everything. She and I couldn't resist though, and we truly thought we were in love (I still think that we were--it certainly wasn't only physical).

My ex also wanted what was best for me, and she said that if that's my H and my life here, she'd stand by me. I wasn't that mature. I wanted her, and I wanted a life with her. But then again, she felt MUCH more secure in my love for her than I felt in her love for me. I guess I knew deep in my heart that her top choice would be to have a life with her H (her "childrens' father") that was decent.

Anyway, this is all SO hard. We made these choices, hurt people around us and we're dealing with the outcome. We're hurt and crushed. If we knew it would be this hard on everyone, would we have done it? I don't know. I doubt it!

I wish you luck, SanSan. Keep on posting, and we will too. Hopefully we'll all come out of this being better, happier people!

CC

I have gained alot of insight from Stanley and Myrta's posts and the views from others (esp. JL)in respect to their situation...also with CC's. So many similarities in background, histories, etc...I know the "feelings" involved are probably universal but it does help to see them expressed here. They kind of validate my own.

Stanley and Myrta...I know you'll make it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Seen much progress over the week I've been here. I follow your other threads also.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Said we weren't "letting each other go"..."our hearts and souls would always be etched with the love and emotions we'd given to each other" ... that "we both are still in this world, praying for each others' happiness"-til the day we die...that he would always be there for me...no matter what...always ... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OUCH! I HOPE MYRTA DID NOT SAY THOSE WORDS TO HER OM. But who knows, I was not there.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Stanley, I truly believe him, though you'd say it's all "smooth talk" He never tried to destroy my M...all he wanted was for my happiness, even if it wasn't with him...there were no intended malicious acts. Yes, WE were selfish in our actions, Yes, WE made decisions that ultimately hurt EVERYONE...but I know for a fact that OM would NEVER be happy having been the one to wreck a marriage/tear apart a family...we BOTH had much guilt from the very beginning of the EA and had tried to break away many times before it progressed to the PA. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">San San, by definition an OM cannot be a nice person. Or if the OM thinks he is nice, then he is a fool with a poor concept of reality. An honest man with integrity cannot be an OM. Trust me on this one--------- there are many men in the planet that could never fill the role of an OM. So it is one or the other- a dreamer or a con man.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Having a pretty bad night...and thought I would be comforted by re-reading old emails from OM cuz they used to make me smile...I ended up crying...miss him soooo much...found myself talking to a video clip he had sent me on our last day of contact. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">San San, it is a very bad idea to read anything written by the OM. This only perpetuates the withdrawal. In fact every time you read the emails you go back to square one. One great thing about Myrta is that she erased all emails and she does not go back to read those love letters anymore. Otherwise, she would still be quite foggy. You have to ditch all emails and not read anything written by OM. Don’t even think about printing the emails.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really don't know if I'm outta the fog yet...or if I was ever really in??? I, like Myrta, never intended on leaving my marriage ...just wanted to keep the friendship with OM, like CC wanted. I get sooooo sad when I think about all of this... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are foggy and you are perpetuating the state by reading those emails. BTW, Myrta has presents from the OM that she refuses to throw away. I am sure why she keeps them---- she is still a little foggy!


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If only...wish I could turn back the hands of time...would still have a wonderful husband who didn't have a "tainted, unfaithful" wife...would have an awesome friend who had the utmost respect for my strong convictions, morals, values...the two people that meant the absolute world to me...YET...I can't regret falling in love...would never take that back...but was that worth all the pain/damage it caused in all our lives? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NO, you will find in time----- when you are not in withdrawal----- that it was a huge mistake.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Myrta, you've said that your feelings have faded for OM...in what respect..."out of sight, out of mind" due to NC or is it that you've changed your mind about how you really felt about OM?
I know in my heart, 100%, that OM loves me, misses me...why can't I say that about H? My future with him is uncertain, just as you've all said. He doesn't look at me the same anymore... the emotional/physical connection is gone ... What's left? two entities that occupy each others' space and time yet never link </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are not in love with H because you still love the OM. I am not sure where Myrta is, but I feel there is a void in there. I do not feel the same vibes I once did. It is not a pretty situation and now that I have become an insecure man and I crave to be loved too. Hey, I am now similar to an OM--- insecure with low self-esteem, and craving to be desired!

If the withdrawal goes away you could fall in love with H again. That is what all the experts say.

<small>[ October 05, 2004, 09:07 AM: Message edited by: Stanley568 ]</small>

SanSan,

What Stanley said is all true. I printed and kept old emails and IM conversations from my OW. At first I was re-reading them, and old letters she had sent me. It was making me more desperate. I didn't destroy them, but I put them all in a big file folder and put them out of reach. I wanted to hold onto them, in case I ever have to "prove" anything regarding her interest in me.

I put aside a LOT of what she gave me, things that were in my house--pictures of her, pictures of her family, gifts, etc. She had even given my children LOADS of things. Some things they put away or threw away, but things that they love, they kept, and I don't think they're reminders of her. I've kept all jewelry that she gave me, simply because I love it all, and it doesn't remind me of her or of what I'm missing with her. I appreciate that she bought it for me and I wear it. Nothing more than that. It's not like I'm "holding onto" her by wearing it--I'm not reminded of her from wearing it. If that were the case, I'd have to throw EVERYTHING out now--including perfume I wore while I was with her, clothes that I wore when I was with her, etc. So much has the possibility of reminding me of her, but BELIEVE ME, it gets better in time. I'm reminded of her less and less, and I'm VERY slowly moving forward (too slowly, I know).

I just wanted to wish you well. Keep posting!

CC

Stanley, you asked:

Can you tell me about your OM? What is his relationship history? Is he married too? Why did you do it?

(from one of my previous posts to you) "He's 38 and has had countless relationships, M'd and D'd once. He admitted to one betrayal while in a committed relationship and also a ONS with an engaged woman, divorce not related to infidelity. So do you think that he's one of those typical OMs? Why would he feel the need to disclose his previous indiscretions...why not just let me think he's the most wonderful person in the world? I honestly believe we're soul mates, but is that still the fog talking? Guess i still need much time to sort things out"

OM and I are from two totally different worlds...so much so that bringing them together harmoniously would've been difficult even if there were no A. We both knew that. He said, on the day before NC started, that if we did try to pursue a life together (though we both wanted it-and only if my marriage had failed), we would have to overcome many issues ...that our chances for failure was 180% because of the A.

So...why did we do it...knowing that we'd never have the chance at happiness together in "real life"? Still trying to figure that one out...the feelings are real, the love is real. Stanley, you've said before that my affair could've happened with just anyone...I know that to be false...there have been others, definitely smooth talkers, who've tried to lure me to Disneyland...but I've always stood firm and resisted to protect my relationship/marriage. That's one of the reasons H trusted me, no questions asked...even when "red flags" started to come up everywhere. He knew about my "friendship" with OM.