CC:

It is good to hear you don't read notes form OW anymore------- good for you!

I would still get rid of presents, but guess what? Myrta has not done that yet!

San San:

I forgot to tell you one more thing:

Let me be honest----- your H has been hurt by this big time. This is the biggest pain and humiliation he will endure in his lifetime. You know this quite well as you were once a BW. As a BH this is what I wanted from my wife:

1. Get rid of the OM instantly. And not I a nice manner like you did. I mean throw him away harshly.
2. Do not defend OM!
3. If you have withdrawal or fog make sure you hide it well. Crying in front of H because you love OM is a killer.
4. Throw away all reminders of OM--- I mean all!
5. Tell your H you love him on a regular basis and do it even if you don’t feel it yet.
6. Make love to your H. I am not sure if you are doing this or not, but this will help your H a lot.
7. Tell your H that the OM was a huge mistake. Forget this “I don’t regret it happened. Myrta did this and I was nauseated.

Why do I say all this?

I just saw your H is only 32 and there are no children. Hmm------- it would be very easy for your H to leave---- don’t you think? In my case I am in my early 50s with five children who would surely die if I leave the marriage. However, in your case the H could walk away with no remorse regarding damage to kids. At 32 he could have a fresh start with a nice woman and there are plenty looking for men in that age bracket.

I beg you to throw this OM away--- he was no good to you and in the end you may lose your marriage. BTW, if you end up in divorce the chances of a successful relationship with OM are near 0%.

I hate to sound gloomy, but you need to get on the stick. You have to get this OM off your system for your own good sake.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">San San, by definition an OM cannot be a nice person. Or if the OM thinks he is nice, then he is a fool with a poor concept of reality. An honest man with integrity cannot be an OM. Trust me on this one--------- there are many men in the planet that could never fill the role of an OM. So it is one or the other- a dreamer or a con man.

Stanley, i've noticed that you've placed much focus on the inner workings of OMs as you try to understand what happened. When you say "by definition OM cannnot be a nice person....to make that generalization, you will also have to include all OWs, WHs, and WWs. Ask yourself, "Was Myrta a nice person, is she still?" I am a nice person, had always been honest and full of integrity, but yet, one whose made poor/selfish decisions based on "feelings" alone. I would probably say that most OMs are dreamers.

SANSAN--thats a really good point there. My husband thinks that only OMs and OWs are the villains of the movie!!! There are good ones and there are bad ones, but yet he loves to generalize!! Thats one of his "few faults"! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

MYRTA

SanSan,

You'll notice that Stanley's views of the OM are popular here. It's easy to villify the OM (or OW in my case). You sound like your relationship was a LOT like mine. I've had MANY men flirt with me and want to start something, but I never acted on it and I have never been attracted to someone else other than my H, strongly enough to cross that line. With my OW, I somehow easily and naturally crossed that line. I, too, don't believe I could have (nor will I) done that with ANYONE else. She WAS special.

I, too, note that she and I would have had to overcome a LOT to ever possibly make our relationship work, should we both have left our H's. You have to keep that in mind, as you've said it. You have to realize that you had your A, and it's over and now you have to determine if you want to make it work with your H. It's not easy, and it'll take time. You have memories of your OM and you're in withdrawal--I was there too--for months!

As Stanley said, this time is crucial for your H. He may leave you. If you feel like I felt, then you can't even think about that nor worry about it. Your head is still wrapped around the A. Just try to think of your H as often as you could, and try to see his perspective. You'll weigh everything out and figure out what you want, eventually. I'm STILL trying to figure it out, but luckily I have a H who is VERY, VERY supportive of me and he still loves me.

Good luck!!

CC

Don't know if i can ever discard all the emails, videos, pictures, gifts (IM's erased long ago...was afraid someone would find them) I know this is fog talk, but...it would almost seem like I'm trying to preserve "our memories" together...maybe someday, not too long from now, we can think back to the times we've shared and not be saddened by the guilt and sorrow. Hoping something positive will have come from all this.

Best I can do for right now is to set those things aside to avoid temptation of looking at them. I'm very sentimental--i still have gifts from old childhood friends.

I know I'll get better...CC, just like you, I've become less obsessive...I used to check my email 100 times/day...if I could (before NC). I still do, maybe twice/day...will get around to disabling the email account that only OM used. Does anyone know how to do that?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Stanley, i've noticed that you've placed much focus on the inner workings of OMs as you try to understand what happened. When you say "by definition OM cannot be a nice person....to make that generalization, you will also have to include all OWs, WHs, and WWs. Ask yourself, "Was Myrta a nice person, is she still?" I am a nice person, had always been honest and full of integrity, but yet, one whose made poor/selfish decisions based on "feelings" alone. I would probably say that most OMs are dreamers.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, I will admit that OMs share a lot with WWs in terms of character. However, when I am mad as hell I rather say nasty things about the OM than my wife. Does that make sense?


However, WWs tend to be more in the dreamer category whereas OMs are more cunning. And as JL eloquently states this is all about selfishness.

SS, I love my wife and I have accepted her as she is. I will not leave her and plan to love her until I die. However, one needs to deal with the pain and the OM is a logical target. However, you are correct WWs share some of those traits.

I do completely understand what H is going through...only through a woman's perspective. He betrayed me seven years into our committed relationship. Didn't have the resources back then to deal with it the "right" way. In the end, we chose to be together, for whatever reason...though I had always felt like second choice and now he feels that way. We've talked about it recently...told him all the feelings of betrayal were the same even though we weren't married at the time. He argued that it's not the same...that at the time he still had the "choice", the "right" to be with another. I said the only difference was a legal one. Dreams, trust, committments and promises were broken in both instances. Long debate with completely different views. Boy was that night was full of LBs.

Stanley said he would have wanted Myrta to:

1. Get rid of the OM instantly. And not I a nice manner like you did. I mean throw him away harshly. Dismissing someone from your life is an extremely hard thing to do, it hurts. But throwing someone away is hateful.

2. Do not defend OM! Yes, have done my share of that...but only to the extent of the truth. I don't have any "fantasy" about who the OM is. I am able to see his faults as well as my own.

3. If you have withdrawal or fog make sure you hide it well. Crying in front of H because you love OM is a killer. I know that! It hurts like hell...but what about PORH...am I to hide my true feelings to spare H's? That was part of the problem to begin with...trying to please everyone without regard to my own feelings, needs.

4. Throw away all reminders of OM--- I mean all! Yeah, this one is a must -- I made H do that six years ago along with NC with his "ex-girlfriend" May have been easier for him since she was in a different country.

5. Tell your H you love him on a regular basis and do it even if you don’t feel it yet. B]I do, but he doesn't, both of us feels so empty inside ... just need help falling back "in love"...never stopped loving him...he's a wonderful man, with all the qualities I've ever wanted in a husband.[/B]

6. Make love to your H. I am not sure if you are doing this or not, but this will help your H a lot. Not sure this will help me or H at this time...still so fresh after the A. Might make things worse. Will he see me as a "dirty, loose" woman? Is she still longing for OM's touch? There would just be so many of these types of thoughts racing across our minds that you could hardly call it "making love"

7. Tell your H that the OM was a huge mistake. Forget this “I don’t regret it happened. Myrta did this and I was nauseated. Myrta, CC...you both would understand why I can't say I regret falling in love with OM. I do regret the A, the actions, they were wrong....but can it ever be wrong to love someone?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why do I say all this?

I just saw your H is only 32 and there are no children. Hmm------- it would be very easy for your H to leave---- don’t you think? In my case I am in my early 50s with five children who would surely die if I leave the marriage. However, in your case the H could walk away with no remorse regarding damage to kids. At 32 he could have a fresh start with a nice woman and there are plenty looking for men in that age bracket.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No children, but quite a bit of extended family to consider...would still cause quite a bit of devastation. It would be easier for him, but not easy at all. You're right...he'd get snatched up in no time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I beg you to throw this OM away--- he was no good to you and in the end you may lose your marriage. BTW, if you end up in divorce the chances of a successful relationship with OM are near 0%.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Doing the best I can, with these circumstances...hoping to rebuild my relationship/marriage with H...one day at a time.

San San,

I haven't read all of your posts. I've been really busy lately (I have 2 teenagers; 1 of them is currently being hometaught, so I'm busy). I just wanted to tell you that if you feel overwhelmed with all of the information that you're reading here, take a few hours offline, to yourself and then come back. I know that it all seemed overwhelming to me in the beginning, and it seemed like JL and others were asking me to do the impossible ("fall back in love with H", "make love to him", "forget the OW", "discard all of her things...").

You're making progress, even if it's baby steps. Just remind yourself of that. That's GREAT that you're not checking your email 100 times a day now. I've done the same. That will be great if you could box up a lot of the stuff from the OM, and put it aside. I can certainly understand the need to look at all of it right after DD. I HAD to! I had to convince myself that it was real, that my OW had real feelings for me, and I wasn't crazy. I'm done with that now, and it's a big step for me.

I, too, am not at the point where I regret falling in love with her. I know in my head what it's done to everyone around us (my H, my kids, her H, her kids...), but in my heart I can't accept that it was "wrong". Maybe it's easier for me to jusify it b/c she was a woman. Maybe in your case it's easier to justify it b/c your H had cheated on you (even though you weren't married--I wholeheartedly agree with you that it was "cheating"). We'll get there...

Everything happens for a reason. That's my belief. I don't know what I'll learn from this, but I refuse to look at it as though it was a big "X" on my life. She brought me MANY good things, and she has helped me overcome a LOT in the past 3 years. I was growing and changing (for the better) due to her support and input. Yes, I did the worst thing imaginable and I cheated on my loving, good H, but the A wasn't ALL bad and/or evil, and neither was my OW. She'll always hold a place in my heart, even though it ended badly.

I hope that you get over this period quicker than I did. It sucks to be depressed over this loss. Good luck!

CC

Too funny...not having an easy time this...have become sooooo computer illiterate. Oh well... it'll be trial and error. On a positive note, I'm gonna finally learn how to cook...am kinda excited <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> H better eat everything I make <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> or else <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Just throwing in a few (perhaps unwanted) observations and/or comments. I've been reading this reading this thread and waiting for "reality" to hit, for the "lightbulb moment" to happen, but frankly about all I am hearing is more rationalization and justification.

On the "positive side" for the BS's involved, it seems fairly early in recovery for most of the WS's and "fogland" and withdrawal symptoms still abound. Patience needs to be your "watchword." Commitment to be "in it" for the long haul, to make the changes you need to make to change your contribution to the "pre-affair" marriage environment. To reevaluate how you may have let YOUR marriage vows to hold your spouse above all things and all others may have slipped over the years.

I'll not go into God's commands since the comments by and large seem bereft of a relationship with Jesus Christ. But I will toss in a few comments for the WS's to mull over should they choose to do so.

1. Wedding vows - "forsaking all others until death do us part."

This a choice that each spouse makes and COMMITS to in deciding to restrict their love and sexual activity to each other ALONE. If this commitment is NOT there, be single (don't marry or get a divorce). "Open Marriages" don't work, we are not made that way no matter how much someone wants to delude themselves. "Wife swapping" is out as well as "secretive affairs" or "love triangles."

2. "Thou shalt NOT commit adultery." Pretty obvious that it is wrong with NO "wiggle room" for self-justifications.

3. "Thou shalt NOT covet." NOT restricted to material possesions. It includes the attention and "love" of someone other than "your own" (spouse).

4. Personal STANDARDS. Those things you will NOT allow yourself to do someone else. To say that the "love" with someone else (especially if they KNEW you were married) speaks volumes about the broken personal standards of both the WW and the OP. This goes against the number one rule of marital relationships....a posture of servanthood toward our spouse, to fulfill/meet THEIR needs before selfishly "waiting around" to first get "my own needs met" before meeting my spouse's needs.

It also speaks volumes about the misunderstanding, or willful ignoring or disrespect for, what REAL love actually is.

5. "Rememberances." Keeping anything of a past illicit relationship, or for that matter of anyone PRIOR to committing to a monogamous marriage with your spouse, is the height of selfishness and disrespect for your spouse.

Garbage in - garbage out. A MAJOR part of both the recovery process and of forgiveness is to NOT DWELL on the Adultetous Affair.

This is a struggle for BOTH the BS and the WS, but especially for the WS who wants to "hold onto" the justification that there were "parts" of the affair that were "good" or "not wrong."

Like it or not, your BS was "RAPED." by the Other Person. YOU were NOT "available." YOU belonged to your spouses and were in a marital "one flesh" situation. The OP said all the right things to push your emotional buttons, to get you see his/her "caring and loving" side so that you would progress to the point of "raising skirt" or "dropping trou." All the while, your BS was kept in the dark and was NOT a willing participant.

So, considering the RAPE of the marriage, how would you feel if your spouse wanted to maintain a "friendship" with someone who had raped you? I mean, after all, your Betrayed Spouse had a longterm relationship with the rapist and many a good and warm conversation. The rapist "IS" basically a "good person" at heart and is NOT "all bad."

Forsaking all others. Consequences for OUR actions. Personal responsibility. Protecting our spouse. Commitment. Love....real love....not self-deluded fantasy. Love in the face of enormous devastation. Love despite being "held down" by your loved one while some other "good person" raped you and ripped out your heart.

Healing? Recovery? Not without total NO CONTACT. That INCLUDES all mememtos, notes, clothing, songs that were "ours", etc. FORSAKING ALL OTHERS.... There is NO exception.

Get busy living a committed and loving marriage....or get busy dieing and put the marriage in the cold grave. But "one foot in the grave and one foot in the marriage" will not work. "I want to be thin but I'm going to keep eating those coconut cream pies and will have a helping of biscuits and gravy simply because I "love" them!" Good luck on trying to serve two masters.

)Putting the 2x4 and ballpeen hammer back in the toolbox and will see how the work progresses.)

Final thought. Just how long do you think your BS should wait around for you to decide that you ARE committed to you spouse ALONE? A couple of months, a couple of years....at what point does the "I guess I can never trust him/her again" really become accepted and the marriage dies?

NO, it is not easy to recover from an affair. "Easy" is not what marriage is about. "For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health...until death do us part." "Forgetting what is past and striving toward the future" is very hard, if not impossible, if ANY part of the affair is kept around.

From one BS to the WS's who just don't seem to get it....no matter how much I love my wife, I will NOT share her with anyone else or be "looking over my shoulder" the rest of my life. Without love, without forgiveness, without trust that has been earned and proven real.....no marriage. How long I wait is up to me....but there IS a limit and I WILL KNOW when I've reached it. Do you want to "bet" on the long term or the short term?YOU chose, so will I. Hopefully we will both choose to do the painfully hard work, but now we have to "prove it" to each other. May God grant me His strength, because my own strength is mortal and finite.

YOU, the WS, have the warm knowledge that during your affair you were loved by two people. Your BS also has the sure knowledge that during your affair he/she was loved by NO ONE. Put that in your "self-esteem" cooker and see what comes out without a major concerted effort to "rebuild" and "prove."

Good luck in your recoveries. But don't wait too long to really get started because the "clock" IS ticking even if you can't hear it.

<small>[ October 08, 2004, 07:33 AM: Message edited by: ForeverHers ]</small>

FOREVERHERS!!!
Everything that you are saying here it is quiet truth. Having an affair goes against all principles of being a good christian. But because, we are not God, humans make mistakes. We were made similar to his image, but not perfect like HIM! God made us capable of falling down, and learning from our mistakes, of growing ,of becoming better.
It is easier for a person that is not going thru an affair, to think that everything its so easy to fix. To get rid of things, NC inmediatly, to get out of the fog,etc. Even if we all know its a damaging thing and we must stop it and move on, it takes time!!! We (WW) must do was suit us best. My husband is always telling me to get rid of the things the OM gave me. I haven't yet. I will do it, when I think I am ready, not when he wants. I am not looking at the things and remembering , and getting all nostalgic about it, but....I am not ready yet.
I am very aware, taking the chance,seeing the clock tick away like you say, that my husband will get tired of me and move on. But everything has to flow the natural way for each person involved.
Everyone here is trying to rebuilt, but at their own pace!!

MYRTA

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Myrta:
We (WW) must do was suit us best.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sometimes that can be harmful to the recovery of the marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My husband is always telling me to get rid of the things the OM gave me. I haven't yet. I will do it, when I think I am ready, not when he wants. I am not looking at the things and remembering , and getting all nostalgic about it, but....I am not ready yet.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can understand that Stanley should not be issuing 'Selfish Demands'no matter how well intentioned they are but just imagine if the roles have been reversed and Stanley kept things that the OW gave him and said the same thing you just said, how would that make YOU feel? I see a streek of pride, defiance and ego when you say "I will do it, when I think I am ready, not when he wants." which may cost you dearly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am very aware, taking the chance,seeing the clock tick away like you say, that my husband will get tired of me and move on. But everything has to flow the natural way for each person involved.
Everyone here is trying to rebuilt, but at their own pace!!

MYRTA</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Forgive for saying this but I don't think you are truly aware of how much you are risking by keeping those things around, and even if I am wrong then it shows that you really don't care about your H's feelings at all. If you continue to keep those items around then you may find yourself all alone with nothing but those items to keep you company if your H decides to leave you. Do you want that?

<small>[ October 08, 2004, 08:46 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

TMCM-
NO, you are quiet mistaken, it is not defiance what you detect, but weakness from my part!! I am not being defiant at all, I know the risks very well. I am weaker that what I seem. Thats a very important stride to take, getting rid of every single thing you have. I dont even have the items on my face to see, I just have them in places that I hardly go.
Yeah, I can see your point, if I put myself in my husband's position and he is the one that is keeping these things. Yes, I might get angry, scream, cry, the works, but He will do what he wants no matter what. It is his choice! He has to decide, I cannot force him to do what he is NOT ready to do.
Keeping those things does not stretch or cuts the recovery of the marriage. It s just something that is there. What damages the recovery is the constant "talks" is the "accusing looks" its the weird way your husband behaves when you are in front of him. Like he does not know me, like he has never seen me before! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
MY HUMBLE oppinion, not DEFIANT oppinion!

MYRTA

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Myrta:
Keeping those things does not stretch or cuts the recovery of the marriage. It s just something that is there.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then why do you acknowledge that if the roles were reversed and your H was keeping those items around you would be very upset with him? It is not the items in and of themselves that are the problem but your choice in keeping them that does indeed stretch and cuts the recovery of the marriage.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What damages the recovery is the constant "talks" is the "accusing looks" its the weird way your husband behaves when you are in front of him. Like he does not know me, like he has never seen me before! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
MY HUMBLE oppinion, not DEFIANT oppinion!

MYRTA</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Again, would you yourself not give him "accusing looks" or act like you don't know him, if he was keeping those items that the OW gave him?

<small>[ October 08, 2004, 11:11 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Myrta you've probably heard about wives that leave their marriages after years of neglect from their husbands. These women 'nag' their H to help them resolve the problems that are affecting them and the marriage, but after their H stonewalling, they eventually give up any further attempts at reaching them. Well something similar can happen if your H stops complaining about those objects the OM gave you. What you may be view as progress could be a sign that he is checking out of the marriage. Please think about this.

TMCM--- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
I think I will know if that day is coming or not. The things that the OM gave me, are not such a huge issue between us. He has told me a couple of times, to get rid of them, but has dropped the subject, when I told him, I am not ready yet. He does not know what these things are <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Again, I might be taking a risk by standing firm for now in this. I might change my mind in the near future, I dont know. For now, not ready yet!

MYRTA

Myrta,

Let me get this straight. You don't like your H's focus on the OM. You don't like that he talks about the OM. You don't agree that you are still in love with the OM, which is what your H thinks. You feel your H doesn't trust you, and it bothers you, and then....


You sit there and say your are 'not ready' to get rid of things OM gave you. You sit there and say you will do it on YOUR time. You say you don't see why these things should bother your H.

I sit here shaking my head. Coffeeman is telling you straight, you will DRIVE your H out of the marriage if you keep it up. Is that what you want, but you are too chicken to admit it? You know these things bother your H and trigger all sorts of insecurity wich you then complain about, but you keep them because you are not 'ready'. What are you waiting to get ready for, your H to lose his love of you, are you soooo confident of your marriage that you feel you can flaunt OM's gifts. You are because your H knows about "some" of them but not all, but he suspect more. You are because you know it hurts him but you tell us and him that it should not hurt him. You don't get a say in that matter Myrta.

So what is your goal? To keep OM in your life and around, while driving your H away? I can see no other reason for hanging on to these "gifts". Please enlighten me if I am wrong.

I have already posted to your H that he needs to stop talking about this and I suspect he will. But, if he does and you keep doing this, he will be a lot quieter than you want, and your marriage will be in jeapordy. In his eyes you made a fool of him for two years, and now you what to keep things around to remind him that he was indeed a fool.

I don't get it Myrta. I don't get your thinking if it is reflected in your words. You are risking alot for a man you claim not to love now and could not live with if you went to him.

Must go, but I do hope you think about CoffeeMan's words and perhaps mine as well.

God Bless,

JL

Myrta,

I really do not want to chase you away from this forum because your very presence here belies some of the tripe that is coming out of your mind and onto your keyboard. I don't know if it is the classic sense of entitlement that WS's have or if your defense of retaining OM's "gifts" is just a very poor attempt at justification for your A.

Pride goeth before the fall. I am afraid your fall will be so quick and so steep not even the love of your BS will be able to stop your continued and enthusiastic self destruction.

My prayers go with you. You are one confused lady.

I can feel the flamethrowers coming out from the FWWs but I couldn't sleep last night and read a bit on here. Then I REALLY couldn't sleep.

H and I have had a bad patch recently but now we're through that we're stronger than ever. Last night we talked about my childhood. Long story, (no abuse or anything just a very domineering sister) but we ended up laughing and cuddling. He understands me, he loves me and I understand him and love him.

Right now that's out of the way I can say what I have to say.

JL will remember this. I had photos of OM and I taken in HS, us dancing at school dances, photos of him that I'd taken, etc etc. These photos were over 30 years old and I'd never thrown them out. H asked me to throw them away. I came on here and had a talk to everyone. I remember my words "I don't want to do it because it will hurt but I'm going to do it anyway to show my good faith and to take away one more hurt from my H." Or words to that affect.

H and I burnt the photos on a summer evening, accompanied by a bottle of wine. It didn't hurt - it felt damn good.

Every SINGLE thing you do to show you are committed to your H and trying your very HARDEST to get over the OP is a step towards a very good recovery.

H also said in the early days after d-day that every conversation we had came back to the OM and he said I would get a dreamy, faraway look on my face. It upset him terribly. I couldn't see it then (fog as thick as pea soup) but I can see it now.

I really hope one day you women will come back to this thread and see how upsetting the fog is for your H's.

I DO understand what you're going through, I was one of the foggiest FWWs in history, but I really wish you would focus on your H's and your marriages, not the f'in OP.

Okay lecture and 2x4 swinging over. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jen

CYMANNCA!!! nO, you are not going to chase me away from this forum, because I am stating my mind and you disagree with. It is your oppinion, everyone is entitled to one.
I guess, I will have to prepare myself for my inevitable "fall"
Thanks

Myrta