I am just wondering what you are thinking. I mean, help me understand what is going on with you on the "dark side". I just found out my W is having an affair on me. I just wonder what is running through her mind. She tells the OM that she feels guilty, but yet she doesn't regret it. She has been more affectionate toward me the past week and a half than she has in a long time. I know it must be because of guilt, she has plans to meet him this sat. Our sex life is very poor. I'm lucky to get lucky once a month, but the past week I've had sex 4 times now. I know it's because she feels guilty, since she doesn't know I know what I know and that she plans on secretly meeting him this weekend. Anyway, just wondering what she is thinking, especially since she knows if she ever cheats on me I will leave her. We went through this last year. She either must think that she will get away with it and it will be temporary or she thinks this OM is the one.

MIF?

Dear MIF,

what do you mean, "we went through this last year" ??

I'm not so sure you getting lucky 4x this week is such a bad sign. If she would really be deeply madly in love with OM, I would imagine she wouldn't want to have sex with YOU.

It sounds to me she's crying out for attention, for admiration. Her not taking care of the household also is a cry for attention. I think if you would work on your emotional needs stuff you'd be surprised how you can improve your M.

I would also recommend the book "The Five Love Languages" as it can be very revealing as to why a partner might not feel loved even when the other partner tries to show his/her love, just because you're not communicating in the right language.

Here's my story from a year ago. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=29;t=004244#000000

Anyway, I suspected my W of cheating with a friend of mine, but honestly think I made a mistake. Just as I start to forgive her and trust her again, I see an email that raises red flags, I then see what is going on in my other post and don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't know what to do. My brother was married and his first wife cheated on him. He tried to make it work and she just cheated on him over and over and over. At last estimate it was up to over 20 different guys. Once a cheater always a cheater. I really think that has had an effect on me. I just don't think I can work through this whole thing. I'm not sure I want to...

I guess I should also say that 6 yrs. ago I suspected my W of having an affair with the guy she is now. I confronted her back then and think I nipped that one in the bud before it became physical. I know, I obviously have issues since I keep suspecting my W of cheating and if I were a better H, maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament.

If you really think she has plans to meet OM on Saturday - screw up her plans...Make a whole day/nite date with her...Don't let her out of your sight..for the entire week-end...See how she responds to THAT...Make it a Plan A week-end...