Hi, I am new here and I desperetly need help.

I have been married for 12 years and have two kids, 5 years and 18 month. Due to routine and lack of comunication I end it up cheating on my husbund once a couple of years ago, he found out recently an now he believes that I have cheated on him many times, that I have current relationship, he also thinks I like women.

He is depresed and taking medicine for two weeks, now he tells me that he doesn´t trust me anymore, that he wants to divorce me. He says he feels better and can think clear.

I love him, always have, he is the man in my life and what happened in the past it was just something I want to erase of my life. We have been 3 month dealing with this, he left work and now he want to leave the house, find a new job a nd a new life.

Please give me advise, is it possible to forgive, how should I act, let him go....

Thanks

Well toscal

I guess you have a fight on your hands to keep the marriage.
You can save your M if your h is willing to work with you, but this my take some time for him to even try.

I went through the same sort of feelings your H is feeling now and felt I wanted to just end all the pain by leaving. But the pain does not go away.

You see, when you are betrayed, you feel that everything you believed in, all the trust, the intimacies you shared are all gone, all soiled & dirty, and feel that death is a kinder option.
Of course its not.

Them slowly the anger comes and you see little else, you want to hurt the person who hurt you the same way, ,most dont thank God , but you feel like you want too.

So please understand this is just some of the things you are fighting right now & into the future.

The first thing to do is read everything you can on this site, it works for the WW- thats you, and the BS, thats your husband. It just how you apply the lessons that this site can teach us all.
If you can, read 'Surviving An Affair', a book refered to here quite a lot, also leave it for h to read as well. You can get it on Amazon as well, new its about US$17.
Its very helpful.

I do think you need to try & have your H agree to couselling for both of you. Try to get a good pro marriage MC who will help you both fight for your M. I suspect you will have to arrange this yourself at the moment.

One thing I can guarrantee is that your H is asking WHY??? WHY WHY WHY WHY, he wont settle for bull so dont offer it. Look deep inside and ask yourself why you had affair instead of seeking out your H for whatever you needed.
BE HONEST AT ALL COSTS.
QUESTIONS. answer them all whenever he asks, it might drive you crazy but it helps us BS cope witht the betrayal and pain and all that. Whatever you do dont try to protect him from being hurt, too late for that. He will interept everything you avoid or leave out or play down as a LYING.

There is hope but you are going to have to work at it.

Can someone tell me what WW stands for?

Is there a place where new posters can catch up on all of the acronyms?

Yeah my husband too, together 14 yrs and married 13 yrs with 3 children.

Do Not Trust Him right now....That was my mistake fighting for the marriage. Trying to be honest, trying to save what I "thought" that we had. Trusting that he loved me enough to get through this with me.

He is still trying to hurt me...accuses me of outragious things...such as sleeping with everyone and anyone, even women, being on drugs, ect...This was all in the divorce papers he filed on me 5 months into seperation. He did leave, and no amount of common sense in the world will convince him that these things did not happen the way he has it in his head and much of what he is saying his half truths, non truths, and a little bit of truth with it all twisted up.

HE TOOK MY CHILDREN AWAY FROM ME!!! MY HOME, HAD ME THROWN IN JAIL FOR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, HIRED A LAWYER TO DIVORCE ME AND IS STILL...STILL KICKING ME WHILE I AM DOWN.

He has convinced himself that I was a bad mom, that is not true, that I am abusive...again that is false. I have to contend with all of this because it's all in my kids lives, I am treated like a villan at the kids school because I am the non custodial parent. All because I was stupid, most of all lonely, I made the biggest mistake of my life and tried very hard to be honest with him...make ammends...didn't matter he don't believe the truth, he only believes what he wants to believe. I am not paying for it, with EVERYTHING.

FORGIVE YOURSELF...PRAY A LOT.

ANGEL