hi eveyone, i'm new here.

i need serious advice regarding my marraige. i've been married to my husband for 6 years. we have a 4 y/old son. we are both in our early forties.

during the last summer, my husband and i were looking for a new babysitter for our child. he insisted on being the one to make the final choice regarding who we were going to hire. No wonder! he chose a 22 year-old college girl with a pair of 36DDD in breast size at least.

should I be concerned. please look at these little hints. 1 month ago, i came back from work and caught them both in the kitchen, with him standing behind her massaging her breasts under her t-shirt. i immediately yelled and they stopped. i told her she is fired but my husband insisted that he was just "doing that" because he has always like women with large breasts, that's all. he promised me that it never went beyond fondling her boobs. so we decided to keep her.

but 2 nights ago, i came back from work and when i got into the house, i heard noises coming from the basement, almost sounded like people who were out of breath. i also heard the sound of a hand slapping against someone's skin. then the final blow, i heard a long grunt coming out of my husband's mouth..

But the strange part, is the fact that the door to the basement was close. so after about 30 minutes, here comes my husband with the babysitter from the basement. he opened the door and had that startled look on his face when he saw me and got very defensive accusing me of spying on him. i asked him what they were doing in the basement and why he has to close the door to the basement. he said that he was helping her with her school homework and did not want to be disturbed.....meanwhile, my 4 y/o son is on the seocnd floor sleeping by himself...

should i be concerned? is this all in my imagination? someone pls help! i cannot seem to eat/sleep since yeasterday.

Hire a PI...he's having a full blown A. Get the proof FIRST..until that time...you're a sitting duck.

Then and ONLY then will we move to the next step.

In the meantime..start reading up on plan A...sounds like your H hit his MLC with a chippy.

There are many ways to get the proof. Hire a PI if you can...small inexpensive cameras in the basement..phone recorder..stuff like that.

Then we'll take the proof to H and girl's parents...and you can rebuild your M if you still want to.

You fired her for the sexual encounter you found in the kitchen...of course he denies..and blames you...your gut isn't wrong.

Your first mission is to read up on Plan A....no LBs...and let's get the proof. He'll never admit it.

OOPS..so sorry...welcome to MB...I'm sorry you found us under these conditions..but we'll get you through this.

I just get so angry when the wayward spouse does this in the beginning.....sweetie...trust US...we know you're not crazy.

You're kidding right? If this is a serious question I'm really worried about you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i came back from work and caught them both in the kitchen, with him standing behind her massaging her breasts under her t-shirt. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OF COURSE THIS IS A PROBLEM! Exactly what more could you possibly need to see to convinced of the TRUTH??? I'm shocked that you're even asking. Fire the babysitter NOW! Not tommorow...not the next day...NOW.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> my husband insisted that he was just "doing that" because he has always like women with large breasts, that's all. he promised me that it never went beyond fondling her boobs. so we decided to keep her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure I can help you when you're willing to let this happen right under your eyes....and then decide to "keep" her.

Yes, he is having an affair. You know that.

Click on the link in my signature line.

I don't know, call me skeptical, but the hired babysitter with really big knockers seems to come right out of a triple-X film.

He gets caught feeling her up and you let her stay? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You hear sex noises coming from the basement and you don't investigate, just wait 30 minutes for them to be finished? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Sorry. I'm just not buying any of this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

~ Snow

VERY SADWIFEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Where should we buy this "bestseller"?

This is obviously not happening!!!
\Myrta

my husband denied everything when I confronted him yesterday afternoon. But i had to get the babysitter's version too, so i went to see her after work and she told me everything, she had no choice otherwise i was not going to leave her alone.

my heart aches so much...she told me he had been screwing her since her second week babysitting my son. and the worst part of it is that he wasn't even drunk when it started! They haven't been using any protection either. no condoms nothing and he came inside her all the time. I am so angry at him for putting my health at risk like this. She said that she isn't talking the pill either but this time of the month is "supposedly safe" for her not to become pregnant.

He just grabbed her breast after giving her a compliment on them and that's how it all started. she said she liked the attention as she recently broke up with her boyfriend. i told her she cannot work for us anymore.

what now? I am so destroyed and feel a knot in my stomach. how can someone survive such pain? Will it ever stop? I am shaking as I write this.

what a week-end.

Okay. I'll play. But I can't promise to go easy.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by VerySadWifey:
<strong> my husband denied everything when I confronted him yesterday afternoon. But i had to get the babysitter's version too, so i went to see her after work and she told me everything, she had no choice otherwise i was not going to leave her alone. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why did she spill her guts so easily? Did she try to cover for your husband AT ALL? I have a reason for asking this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by VerySadWifey:
<strong> my heart aches so much...she told me he had been screwing her since her second week babysitting my son. and the worst part of it is that he wasn't even drunk when it started! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Has he done this before, while drunk?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by VerySadWifey:
<strong> They haven't been using any protection either. no condoms nothing and he came inside her all the time. I am so angry at him for putting my health at risk like this. She said that she isn't talking the pill either but this time of the month is "supposedly safe" for her not to become pregnant. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Chapter Two: Pregnant OW or Wife with Herpes.

Of course you should be concerned about this. Refrain from intercourse with your husband and get tested as soon as possible for STDs and AIDS by your doctor. Insist your husband do the same. And both of you redo all of the tests in six months.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by VerySadWifey:
<strong> He just grabbed her breast after giving her a compliment on them and that's how it all started. she said she liked the attention as she recently broke up with her boyfriend. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds more and more to me, if this is on the level, VSW, that your husband is a sexual predator and should be arrested for what he did to this young woman. That she told you straight away what was going on signals she was NOT a willing party, but rather, doing favors for the "boss" so she could keep her job.

The other clue is that she "just broke up with her boyfriend." I make the assumption he was a young 20s boyfriend like herself. First, women distraught about losing their boyfriends don't normally "go for" an older guy just like that. They either have a prediliction for older men, or they think they are gross (or they do what they need to do to make them happy in order to keep their jobs).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by VerySadWifey:
<strong> i told her she cannot work for us anymore. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good move there. Make the next sitter a grandmotherly type, get into marital counseling with your husband, and insist your husband see a counselor who is experienced in sexual addiction as well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by VerySadWifey:
<strong>what now? I am so destroyed and feel a knot in my stomach. I am shaking as I write this. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">These are all very normal reactions to finding out that the person you most trusted in the world to love you and always have your back, has done something unthinkable. Get the book Surviving an Affair by Harley and read everything you can on this site. The good people here will support you through this, but it is a rollercoaster ride for sure.

Best Wishes.

~ Snow

<small>[ October 03, 2004, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: Snowbelle ]</small>

Like Snowbelle, I'm extrememly skeptical that is real. I don't "get" how someone could watch their husband with their own eyes fondling this girls breasts and "keep" her. And waiting 30 minutes for them to finish sex!???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

If this IS real, I'm wondering how much I can help someone capable of this level of "denial". Yet I have real sympathy and feel awful if this is indeed happening to you VSW. I think the key to taking the first step is going to be recognizing that at this point, you can't trust ANYTHING your husband tells you. He must earn back your trust. I don't have confidence from your past actions that you are capable of protecting yourself, so I URGE you to get help from a counselor or he'll walk all over you and convince you that you can't believe your own eyes and ears again.

OMG! Now what?


Thank you all for your responses and support. It's very much appreciated. my life is such a mess right now. i am trying to make some sense of what is happening but can't seem to do so.

I have confronted him tonight and it did not turn out very well. He ended up leaving... I told him that I knew the truth and that the babysitter had been honest with me. He kind of acted surprised and did not beleive me at first. But as I gave him more details of the affair, he finally confessed that he did in fact go beyong fondling her boobs bur gave no further detail.

So I told him that either I leave or he leaves until we decide what to do next with our marriage...He decided to be the one to leave since he doesn't want to be the one keeping my son.

Before he left, he said something that will be engraved in my mind forever.....

He said: " I am going to seriously ravage some pussies tonight, bang some serious DDDs you never dreamed existed. So please, please, please, don't wait up for me".

It is sincerely the most crual phrase that I've ever heard in my life.

OMG, what am I going to do? My life is ruined! I still cannot beleive that I am living this.

VERY SAD WIFEY!!!
GOSH, YOU ARE CRASS!!!
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK??
I THINK YOU ARE A GUY HAVING A KICK OUT OF POSTING HERE!!
YOU ARE NOT A WIFEY, YOU ARE A HUBBY!!! ; <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I'm with you, Myrta. VSW is getting some sick jollies from all of this. I won't waste another moment of my precious time. Suggest nobody else does, either.

When you signed up for this forum, you agreed to
"terms of service" that included not using obscenities (even if you're quoting someone else).

Well, looks like we got ourselves a new troll.

Hopefully, this thread will die without a report having 2 be lodged.

Reads like a Penthouse Forum letter.

-ol' 2long

I just sent a report. People like this creature rip off those who want to help and mock those who come here in pain. Yuck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

youre correct bellevue it does take away from thoose of us that are in real pain. i posted my story didnt hardly the response this post did it was very hard for me to tell my story then i deleted it all and i just kinda lurk around

Bellevue,

who are you to judge people like that? God? I just reported your meaness too to the moderator. Are you this bitter because you are one of the oldest poster here? (having registered in 2000). And you are still having problems with your marriage? After all this time?

Just because you are miserable doesn't give you the right to give dirt and treat other human beings as such, Your Highness!

So Dude,

You want advice? Dump him and get yourself a great lawyer. Wake up buttercup.

VSW:

If you're really a betrayed W, it would behoove you 2 go 2 the main page and read the articles about infidelity. You've got a lot 2 learn, and I am not being condescending with that remark. I did 2 when I came here.

And yes, I've been here for almost 3 years, trying 2 recover from my W's A. Does that label me in any way, shape or form as pitiful or something? No.

I still stand by what I said on the previous page, though. Your posts read like a Penthouse Forum letter more than a plea for help from a betrayed wife. The graphic descriptions or relaying of what your H allegedly said were unnecessary in painting a pic2re of the si2ation you're in. In fact, they sound more like something a prankster might post 2 get a rise out of people on this forum.

Which is it?

-ol' 2long