Hey, JM33, saw you post tacked onto the end of that disgusting troll tripe posted by VSW. Please don't let the response they got deter you from posting. Please post your story again.

Weekends are usually very slow and you might not get any response. Sometimes, you even have to "bump" your post up to keep it on the first page if a lot of people are posting.

Just wanted you to know you can post again if you want to. People like you are the reason the board is here for!

~ Snow

just_me,

I also saw your post and would like to help if I can. I'll check back and you are welcome to post to me if you think I can help.

hugs

this is extremely difficult for me to spill out.
I have been sitting here for an hour and have decided to post my story..I hope at the end I actually post it.
i am 33 f been married 14 years I had my fisrt A 3 years ago it was awful OM tried to swindle money from (me make it short)I told my H and he got my money back....after that he treated me like complete garbage the most vulgar things you can think of he called me them and even worse I just cant type them

we have 3 children nice family really anyway during the time he was verbally emotionlly abusing me he was aslo having revege affairs I guess thats what they are called.

He had 3 of them all one night stands and I feel sorry for them because he lied to all of them about his maritial status i found out about all these affairs in jan 04 I have been trying to work on our M. I have been here about 3 months reading and learning this site has helped.

i dont think my H can ever fill my emotional needs I just cant get past how he treated me also affairs on top of it.my original post was about 2 months ago then i deleted it.I think noone responded because no one really knows what to say other than plan a.

ive tried as much as i could find within me to bear. so here is my dilema i think a divorce might be the answer but dont really want to put our kids through that.I find myself wanting to have an A again but am trying very hard not to.

I know it will only add to the problems.Im so confused,I wish it was finacially easier to leave
but a part of me still loves him just dont think I ever really knew him or know him now. now I think he is a very cruel person.

and I am teetering on having another affair but dont really want to .i know it makes no sense .I wish I could find a man and just leave with him but I know thats inccorect and it would never work out.
so im really not sure what to do any words of advice would be much appreciated ...

having another affair would just be too easy I logged on to a site and got 40 responses from men who were interested in just one day I havent been back there and dont want to go back ..my family has been through enough ..I feel dead inside

just me....This makes things much clearer for me. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a pretty good idea why you probably didn't get many responses when you first posted. Here on JFO, it's hard for some of the BSs to respond because most are very new, their pain is still pretty fresh, and they are likely not to have much sympathy for your situation in their current state of mind. Your past affair and your temptations for another....are hard for them to respond to and they may simply not know what to say. That doesn't make you a horrible person chere...or lessen your pain....but this may not be the best forum for you.

I have a good suggestion for you...that may help you get some real understanding from folks who are in similar shoes....instead of mostly BSs who may not be able to get past their own pain to help you. I moderate at another board; http://saveyourmarriagecentral.infopop.cc/6/ubb.x?a=cfrm&s=244008616

That board has a forum called "Reclamation, Finding Your Way Home" and it's for people who are either involved in, and trying to end affairs, or thinking about having an affair. It's a safe place where only trained mentors or other folks in the same position can post. You have to get clearance, but please mention that I sent you there....and it should be relatively easy.

That is one way you can get help without worrying about stirring up pain here for others, or being vulnerable to disrespect from others who may be hurting and not in a good place to give you the help you need. It's a slower and smaller forum....but the advice you will get will be very helpful.

In the meantime....please consider getting some counseling. I think there is no doubt that your self esteem is as low as it can possibly be. A new A might seem like it could make you feel better....but in the end...it would just make you feel even worse. It didn't solve anything the first time....and it sure won't help you now. If you decide that you deserve the right to be treated better and truly loved....end this marriage before starting a new relationship. You'll be glad you did. I know you don't want to subject your children to a divorce....but what is their life like now? Unless you two can stabilize your marriage....this sounds like a battleground.

Have you and your H had any counseling together?

thank you very much i will definatelly go to the site you recommended thank you for your sound advice i cant express my grattidute to you (or spell) lol I also wanted to add the site you linked me to is very resourseful... under statistics i found something very interesting
divorce is more likely to occur when

married under the age of 20
no completion of high school
pregnacy being factor for the marriage

all of those apply to me I am a stay at home wife/mother...i have decided its time to get out in the real world and return to the work force i think it will do me a world of good. so happy to have had a response from you i needed it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 05, 2004, 04:01 PM: Message edited by: just_me_33 ]</small>

Just_Me_33,

I am glad you posted.... that site StarFish gave you would be a good one for you, I think.

You say that the response you get here is usually, "Plan A." Have you looked into what Plan A entails and tried to implement it?

You say that you think your husband will never be able to fulfill your emotional needs. That could be true. But are you filling his emotional needs? Do you know what they are? Does he know your emotional needs?

You never know what kind of results you will get with Plan A if you never give it a shot.

~ Snow