hi,i have dealt with the infidelity of my husband before we were married and also he hs had a few emotional affairs online. whichj have brought me to this point in my life where i am very confused to say the least.I am not going to go inot many details but begginng in February of this year my husband and i after having many discussions for long lenghts of time were getting no where. I wasnt happy either was he. He like i said had many online woman one particulur he chatted with daily.He told me to find me a friend than maybe I would not worry so much and see what it really was about , attention, not real love. and I would see that i had nothing to worry about. i wanted to try and do what ever it took, i figured i loved my husband and I would do what it took to make things better. So in March of this year i innocently met a man in a chat room we both went to not a romance kind of any sort. Soon this man and i became friends. We chatted often, I loved my husband and told him from day one that was how it was going to be. It is so true how this can become an addiction which is what i thought at first. This man was everything my husband was not. Kind words and compliments I never heard from my husband,But what was what i needed and always told him I did. This summer my husband had a complete personality change. In june he left my bed, and would stay up all night on the pc. Everything around him just didnt matter anymore. In mid June he came to me and told me that he woukld send me to visit my new friend. I could not belive it.wAs I hearing this right. He preceded to tell me that when i got back he was going to visit his. Wow.I had a great friendship with my friend and if i visited him it would be more I was sure of that.I was never ever one to even thingk about it, I asked my husband if he was willing to pay that price If i went, he was. I didnt go. This among many other things led me to ask him for a divorce. I was planning on moving in with my sister and leaving him. My friend and i grew even closer in this time.Rember my husband for all purposes left me. In august of this year my husband found some things i had written about my friend and he realized that he was going to lose me and coulndt play those games any more. I wrote an email to my friend and told him we had decide to give it one more try.Thjis was the end of aug. Things were going ok for about a week, i missed my friend emensilly. I told my huband that I wasant goingt o give him up. As time pased and things went pretty good actually. I couldnt forget my friend. I emailed him and told him that I still loved him and i was not sure what I wanted. Sure enough he returned. I sit here now using my neighbors electric to run my pc, My children are at my sisters I have no electric service my gas service is next and my home is in foreclosure, mY husband just duid get a job.When he found my writingds in an effort to make things good but i belive it is to late. I cried begged and pleded with him to do right earlier this summer. i always was the mess cleaner upper.I would borrow money. He alinated hi swhole family this summer also . We have no help. I cant belive i am living like this. Dont I deserve better. I am not saying i am going to run off to my friend, I just want a whole new start.WE cannot start over together there is to much to ctch up on. I can live at my sisters but not him. He has burned to many bridges. I just cant continue living like this.So my question is is this living, loving, or exissting. I need more than to just exisit. I need to live.......but how and with who? or neither?

Ok Pass

you have quite a few problems here.

Firstly you have the financial issues to resolve before you can resolve the Marriage issues. Without stability the family will suffer.

So firstly a couple of questions?

Do you work?

Where are you?
City and state is ok just so our Mbers here can send you some idea of where you can obtain some assistance.

From your post I assume your H now has a job now is that right?

You are so far in debt you owe the power company & the gas Co. so much they are going to turn you off & the mortgage is in default, correct.

OK its likely you may loose the house, however, some state's & banks etc have various options available to people in difficulties. If your H has used all these options up or its just too late, then the thing to do is take a deep breath and see if you sold it before foreclosure would you end up with any money left over to clear power & gas and maybe put towards a bond for a rental. In any event it would be better to sell it yourself and avoid all legal fees they will lump on you as well.

But please first let us know where you are so we may look at what we can do to help.

Yes i work, we were underemployed, i live in missouri united states,


It seems you put up the good fight and then comes a time you must face the reality of things,marraige is not always forever and do you want to spend your life forever miserible exisiting not really living, not really alive? I will sdmit that i hve feeling for my friend but hvent meet him and wont as long as I am married, Ihave tried to give our marraige another chance, i just cant forget things hurts and deceptions i encountered , I have been very submissive afraid these past months, I allowed some of this to happen, i take my share of the blame to. I quess i am old fshioned I always belived it was for the man to se his family was taken care of no matter what. Mine has not he left it to me and i wwasnt good at the job. I just feel that it will be a matter of time and he will slowley revert back to his old ways ansd once agin I will be where i was I am now.I can tlak to my husband openly and i have told him my feelings about my friend and he knows that at any time we decide to meet we will. I am not deciving him,or hiding things from him. I am up front.It will not be a suprise to him . Like so many times it was to me.

st.louis

Pass

here is some that may be able to help.

Consumer Credit Counseling (800) 966-3328

2nd Chance Enterprises (314) 771-3232


Now the following covers ALL areas of counseling financial and family marriage relationships. Please consider them and perhaps ring them.

They are the Christian Psychological and Family Services. The C.P.F.S. is organized as a not-for-profit, 501C3, tax-exempt, charitable, public corporation to reflect the primary desire to serve the people.
The C.P.F.S. mission is to provide professional Christian counseling to hurting people, in the name of Christ, according to their ability to pay.

9378 Olive Blvd Site 314 Olivette MO 63132

(314) 567 4994 Fax (314) 567 8581

They apparently have other locations but dont know how close to you or not. But if so, to get the lot from one sourse would be easier.

If not they might have people locally they could refer you to to try as well.

Areas of Expertise Credentials and/or Experience

1. Anxiety Disorders Experience; produced training tapes for counselors.

2. Depressive Disorders Experience; training tapes.

3. Adult Psychological Evaluations Experience; training tapes on MMPI, SII, 16PF, and other instruments.

4. Sexual Issues: victims, offenders, sexual dysfunctions, adult survivors or incest American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists.

5. Marital, Family, Child American Association for Marriage & Family Therapists.

6. Adult Children of Alcoholics Experience.

7. Personality Disorders Experience.

8. Stress Management Experience, APA Div. 13 (consulting psychologists), training tapes.

9. Religious and Grief Issues American Association of Pastoral Counselors

10. Habit Formation Problems and Various Addictions Experience; American Society of Clinical Hypnosis

11. Eating Disorders Experience.

12. Financial Management Experience.

13. Pre-Marriage Counseling Amer. Assoc. for Marriage & Family Therapists; Amer. Assoc. of Sex Education, Counselors & Therapists; Experience

So Pass, start on this and see where you stand. Get your H to go along as you cannot keep living like this!!!

Even if both of you decide to separate which I hope you don't of course, still you need to get finances in order anyway for kids sake as well as yours.

Pls let us know how you got on.

<small>[ October 07, 2004, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: aussie2 ]</small>

Pass,

just wanted to say that I am really sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds really tough. Please follow Aussie's advice because you need to do everything to take care of your kids, your financial problems and of your state of mind right now.
I think your marital problems need to take a back seat for a little while until you deal with these other more urgent problems. Also, when you are calmer it might be easier to see what you want to do.

take care and all the best