I'm curious about how other people found out what was going on. The lucky ones, I think, are those whose spouse tells them. I wasn't one of those. Here's my story:

I'm sitting in my car in a parking lot at 5:15 a.m., waiting for a bus that will take me to work. I'm gathering up all of my stuff, and I notice a folded sheet of paper on the back seat. I open it..and it's an email from my wife to the OM. Included in it is a love poem which talked about many intimate details.

Of course..I'm scared. So..I go call my wife and ask her what's up. She was sleeping, but I letthe phone ring until she woke up. She admitted writing the email. But at first, she denied having sex with him. I pressed her, and she finally admiited it.

So waht did I do? I got on the bus and went to work. I had to. It was a day that I had to meet a deadline on a project.

It was a very long day, as you can imagine.

Andrew,

I found out in a similar way. My husband was spending a good deal of time writing while I was watching T.V. He then took the paper and folded it. This was curious to me because he always did a lot of writing but I had never seen him fold it, letter fashion. Well I thought about that paper all evening. During the night I woke up and went over to his satchel and found the paper inside it. I took it into the bathroom and read a love letter (actually a goodbye letter) to someone that he had been involved (no sex just "in deep love" with) for almost two years! I wanted to die! He was sleeping on the couch something he did a lot of, not because I asked him to, but he just couldn't sleep (guilty conscience I found out) I could not work, and the hard part was trying to explain to my boss why I could not work. Needless to say that was on July 25th and we have since been in some intensive counseling and a lot has been worked out. But still more to deal with. A great great book is "How to Get the Love you Want" by H. Hendrix. It was and is a great book to heal by. Also I know that Dr. Harley has written some exceptional books too. Hang in there Andrew. There is hope. Fortunately my husband and I have a great deal of faith in God and this is helping us overcome a lot. We just were not made to fulfill every need, but God and the two of you together can fill those deep needs and wants. Take care!

He told me. I came home sick from work one day, I was a Lifetime show about cheating H's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and he broke down and told me he had a ONS.