No, I'd never heard of this before. FWS can be obsessive and in the beginning of our relationship he was jealous. I can't imagine how he would react (in the jealousy department) if I had had an A. Anyways, I feel some of our problems are related to FWS' obsessiveness.
First of all, are you in IC? My own theory is that mental illness can be lumped in with alcoholism, etc. We, as spouses, need to decide if we are going to stay with our partners while they seek treatment. And that is the big factor, it sounds like your H is trying to work on his situation. Is he in IC?
Our MC actually thought FWS was a love addict. He didn't tell me to stay or go, but he did say that addicts (in any form) have a better chance at recovery with a partner and with gainful employment. I decided to try.
One way I cope is to recognize when the obsessiveness is happening. In your case, that would be when H gets jealous. Right now, DH is obsessed with ebay, so I try not to freak. We just talk alot about what he is doing. He has reflected that he needs an outlet (he's a SAHD right now) and this fulfills his sense of being a part of the world. Ummm...okay...and he understands we have limits.
In your case, I would recommend staying very calm. You know you're not having an A, but H needs some reassurance. Fulfilling ENs does a great job of this. Validate his feelings. Tell him that you understand he is insecure, but keep repeating that you love only him and you're not seeing anyone else. Do you tell him where you're going to be and let him know when there are a change of plans?
But at the end of the day, you will have to decide how much you are willing to take. In the beginning of our recovery, I kinda felt like a martyr. I was only staying cuz it was the right thing to do, but I'm very surprised that I'm seeing some changes in FWS.
And I'm wondering if my calmness reduces his obsessiveness.
