I keep wanting to move forward - my wife and I are making very good progress.

But, I keep getting bogged down in details. Like today, my wife - as part of a new full disclosure policy - gave me all of the cell phone bills from the last couple of months.

She'd called this guy a lot. She'd called him while she was work on Saturdays. She called him a couple of times in the evening - presumably when I was around.

I want to say that none of this matters right now. What's done is done. Still...I'm pissed off.

Is this what my life is going to be like for the forseeable future? Any advice on getting to the point where the details, finally, can be put away and the future can be embraced would be greatly appreciated.

Andrew:

Number of calls in my wife's cell phone during affair 700-750 per month. Now about 200-250. Phone bill jumped thru the roof for two years- probably well over $1500.00-$2000.00 over that period-- perhaps more. OM was an expensive SOB. One single call alone was $22.00 in April 04.

Charges for voice mail were an all ime high since the mail box was routinely filled to capacity with romantic messages.

Affairs cost a lot of money!

Hi Andrew-
When was the D Day? I don't think I've read that.

It seems to me like you're moving a little fast for your WW maybe? You're wanting a little bit more than perhaps she's willing to tell right now and she's pushing back a bit???

I'm new to the forum and to this but just a thought.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by AndrewA:
<strong> I keep wanting to move forward - my wife and I are making very good progress. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good for you. Keep your seatbelt on though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by AndrewA:
<strong>Is this what my life is going to be like for the forseeable future? Any advice on getting to the point where the details, finally, can be put away and the future can be embraced would be greatly appreciated. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow, this is a great question and very raw at it's core.

It really depends on you. When I found out, I wanted to know timelines and such. Intimate details - no thank you. I mean, what benefit is that to us? We're grown up and we know what happends in As.

One of the biggest triggers I carry around with me is some of the knowledge that I do carry around about the OM - like his recreation, work places, where he lives, and so forth. I would have to think very long and hard about whether I really would like to even know that.

Make sure you are very careful about getting the information you really want. Before I ask ANYTHING, I ask MYSELF:

1) Do I already know the answer?
2) Is this really important/relevant?
3) Is the answer going to help me?
4) Will I still want this answer in 7 days?

#1 is really important if you are human - we really tend to get sucked into asking for the same information in different ways.