All
First let me start with a guick discription of my situation. My wife and I married 16 years ago while both of us were on active duty in Colorado. We have a pair of twin boys (14 years old) and the third is 11. Last May 22 she and I had a discussion on the front porch about her desire to have me leave the house and start a seperation. Up until that day I had refused to leave and tried to get her to see a marriage counselor. She has been hospitalized for her eating disorder and has been in counseling since then. In the last 3 years we have not had sex becuase she aviods it at all costs. It got to the point were I would try to initiate my desire to be intimate but knew she would have some reason why not or promise that tomarrow we would but I knew that was nothing more then a way to say NO. I do travel alot in my job so she has to handle most of the issues with the boys on her own and she does this by staying home. That evening I got on the computer to check my emails and noticed that she was still logged on so I took a quick glance at her emails. To my amazement she has been corrisponding with a male associate at church. We have discussed this in the past, I ahve even asked him to discontinue his seemingly covert relationship with her. I believe what upset me the most was that she disregarded my objections and even noted this to him in the emails. She also wrote that when she dropped me off at the airport she felt sick to her stomach when she gave me a hug and kiss goodby. I was devestated, had to leave the next day so I left with out saying a think and called and emailed her latter in the day to let her know I was not coming back once by business trip was completed. I have been out of the house since then. My problem is is that I really do love her still but I don't know how to approach this issue with her and get an honest reply. Most of the time I avoid her when I get the boys and any questions she has. I woudl like to see this issue resolved. But I would need to really feel she is committed as much as I am. I don't want to be just a paycheck as she said I am in the past. Any thought would be greatly appriecate. My therapist suggests I be careful and go slow on any reconciliations.

Well, you can't do Plan A when you don't have any contact with her, and Plan A is where you should be, if you want to stay married. After the way she has treated you for so long, you may not want to, and I would understand that, but having myself been in a place emotinally where part of me hoped my wife died in a plane crash every time she traveled for work (and that was BEFORE I found out about her affair), and now being in a really solid marriage to the same wife that is better than at any time before DDay, I can tell you that there is still hope. There are no guarantees, but there is hope. To give yo an idea of how hard it is going to be, you are probably going to have to adjust your work schedule, so that you travel less. If that is not possible, you will probably have to change jobs. This is serious business.

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