Could you give me some advise on Lovebusters what to do and what not to due. I'm new here and I need to get the book to read but till then would you please give me some input. Also what was Plan a and Plan b. Thanks

Hi, Brown and Welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm really sorry you have to be here, but awfully glad you found us. <P>Our friend Jim will be by with the best information on where to start to help you get through this roller coaster ride. Til then, here's a little bit of advice.<P>You'll find the answers to your question about Plan A and B on this site. Read Harleys principles and the articles and posts here. You'll learn a lot. The plans are really outlined in the book "Surviving an Affair" and you'll find it to be most helpful and, to tell you the truth, a bit comforting, b/c you'll begin to understand so much more.<P>Your first step, besides reading, is to take care of yourself. Good care of yourself. Eat properly, exercize, see your doc if you're having trouble keeping it together and counselling is a great idea, alone or with your spouse if possible.<P>And you have us. We're here to listen, to advise, to hold your hand and share our experience with you - any time you need us. I don't know what I would have done w/out my friends on this forum. So USE us!! Read old posts. Write. Cry, vent, scream, talk it out, get it all out here where there are folks who know and understand and who care very much about each other. We'll be here for you. And take the brunt of your situation so that you can concentrate on the job at hand and this crazy ride.<P>So, buckle up and hold on tight. You'll get through this. We're here to help.<P>Lori

Brown0674,<P>If you check in my original "welcome wagon spiel"... you will see some "underlined word" (ie... hypertext links)...<P>If you click on them... they will bring up another web page that is on the MB sites that will explain the terms/concepts/whatever... I'll repeat some of the links here as well... <P>But since you don't have the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> yet... I'll give you a few quotes...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Plan A:</B> Avoid angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, selfish demands, annoying behavior and dishonesty (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#3.) The (betrayed) spouse needs to know that he/she had done his/her best to save their marriage. (page 76 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#4.) If the (betrayed) spouse follows the plans (A & B), and they(the plans) fail, the (betrayed) spouse would no longer have any feelings of love for the wayward spouse. (page 76 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...and... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Plan B:</B> Avoid contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has ended (page 79 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...<P>I feel I am about to go into a Plan B very shortly... and so I have scheduled an appointment (my first) with Steve Harley of MB Inc. In fact... it will be in about 45 minutes... today!!!<P>I will post what he tells me for all here to see and to benefit from...<P>I really couldn't do a great <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> since my W left me before I even found Marriage Builders!<P>I've been anticipating Plan B for a while, so I have drafted some of my thoughts on Plan B in a post you can click on here==><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011046.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B - 101</A>... and I will add to this after I finish my session with Steve!<P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...