I found out 10 days ago my H was having a A with an aquaintnce. it's a long story and I'm sick about it. I've lost 6 pounds am on pills to sleep, I'm a nervous wreck and I can barely function. it's all I can do to take care of myself, my kids, my job and he blames me and wants me to fill his emotional needs NOW so he can then feel good about leaving her - who he says he's just "tearing her apart" - what about me? It's painful and stupid at the same time...I feel worthless - I hope I've come to the right place for support and help - there's so much more to tell... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hurt,

Sorry you are in a position to be looking for help, but yes you are in the right place. Have you read about plan A?

I'm sorry you find yourself here. An affair is always painful for BS, especially when it is ongoing.

Please click on the link in my signature line, and read the Plan A links first. Please note that Plan A is not just about emotional needs. In fact, that is probably the least important part of Plan A. It has four parts:

1. Eliminating Lovebusters
2. Meeting emotional needs the spouse allows you to meet.
3. Exposure
4. Respectfully (see part 1) telling your spouse about how their actions make you feel.

Reading the Plan A links in will help flesh that out for you.

Hi HA,

Although not necessarily a part of Plan "A", it is imperative that you pay attention to you...your health...both spiritually, mentally, and physically. As you have no doubt seen, being on the receiving end of this situation is not only hurtful but stressful as well. Although difficult, slow down, "loosen your grip" on the situation, eat (although very often the appetite suffers), and get as much rest as possible (yea, easier said than done). You might also consider a visit to your family physician for AD (anti-depressants) if you feel they're warranted.

Keep reading and posting. Some VERY sage advise is available here.

The same thing happened to me on October 7 2004, I too do not sleep or eat, barely functional at work - the kids are upset wanting to know why mommy is looking sick and crying, I tell them that I was sad due to unforseen issues in my life, but that they have nothing to do with them, that it is an adult issue.

I tried repeatedly since 10-7 to talk with H about his A. It turns out that this has been on going for years now and not just with one acquaintance but several. What do you do when they refuse to speak with you on the issue at hand? Everyday I bring up the fact that we need to talk about this and why it has happened. He never responds tells me to stop crying I will get use to it. Now what do I do? He refuses to consider MC states that there is no problem and that I should just ride it out. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now what do I do? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Click on the link in my signature line. Start Plan A. Start preparing for Plan B.