This day sort of sucks for me. WELL, it really sucks! My husband and I had a really good conversation on Saturday night about the other woman and my feelings and his feelings, etc., etc... Our boys are staying at my parents for a few days so last night we went out to eat and went to a movie. Well, while we were eating, we got on the subject of the other woman. He had to work with her that day. He has to work closely with her too as they do the same job. This is very hard to take. I don't see how he can reconcile with me as long as he is working with her practically every day. He shared some of their conversation with me. He said that she told him she had a lonely Christmas. She had to go Christmas shopping alone. She is in the process of divorcing her husband. Anyway, while she was out shopping she kept seeing couples everywhere and it was so sad for her. This is her own fault. She doesn't seem to know how to have a good relationship with any man. She also told my husband that she broke down on Christmas night and went to her husband and got drunk and had sex with him. This is the woman who was planning to get a restraining order on the guy because he won't sign the divorce papers. She is one screwed up person. Unfortunately, my husband just doesn't see that. My husband told her that by her sleeping with her soon to be ex, she was just giving him false hope. He told her that her husband is going to think she still does love him. Well, she then told my husband that she slept with my husband but she doesn't love him. So, in other words, it didn't mean anything when she slept with her own husband. My husband and I have still been having sex throughout this whole ordeal. She knows that too. In a way, I feel like she did it to try and upset my husband. My husband said he is not upset by it. Anyway, we did say some not nice things to each other. That is the unfortunate part. He also informed me that there is a rumor about him and this woman going around their workplace now. I told him I am not surprised and that it really upsets me that this rumor is going around. He works in another town but the thing is, people who live in the town we live in work there also and I am friends with some of their wives. So, I feel like it is just a matter of time before it really starts getting around. I did want to prevent that. He told me that when people ask him if it is true that he is seeing this woman that he just laughs it off. Tells them he isn't, etc. I guess I got upset with him as he isn't too concerned about the rumor. He says it is just a rumor. I said it is a rumor based on fact. He said nobody knows that for sure. They have no proof. I said I have proof. I told him that he really needs to end it because if he doesn't then the truth will come out and I don't see any good in that. He of course said it has ended. I am still keeping track of his paystubs. I need to know if he really is working all the hours he says he is. I guess that is the only way I will know if he is still seeing her. I did confront him on his last paycheck as there was 20 hours missing on it. I posted about that earlier. I dealt with it due to the fact that was during the week that he ended the relationship supposedly. It still doesn't make it right that he was with her. He did take 4 days of with us last week. Two of the days the factory was closed down for Christmas Eve and Christmas. The other two days he could have gone in for overtime and been working with her. I feel like he may be trying to make a committment to working on this but at the same time, it is really hard for me to find any comfort in the situation when he is working with her. Which is what he is doing again today. He went in for overtime again and this is her day she has to work. I guess the one thing that really bothered me also about this rumor is that my husbands supervisor came up to him and said that he had heard this other woman and her husband were splitting up and then he said "I'd be willing to bet money that you and her are screwing around." That bothered my husband at least. He said he laughed it off and said something to the effect that it wasn't true. This is just such a screwed up mess. I so do hate this whole thing. I am going to read more today in my "Surviving an Affair" book. I also got the book "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus". I am just trying to figure out how to understand this man that my husband has become. He was never hurtful to me in the past. He has become a person that I do not know. Unfortunately, I still love him with all my heart and I cannot find it in me to hate him. I tell you what, I have been praying like never before for God to send us a miracle. I don't like to ask for things for myself but in this situation, I need all the help I can get. I am praying for a financial miracle so he doesn't have to go in and work his days off and be with her more and I am praying that he will just plain come around and realize what a tramp this woman really is. She is no good. She told him that she didn't want to be a homewrecker. Well. this is the second marriage she has done this to. Now, that sounds like a homewrecker to me. I am so angry about this. I wish my husband would just wake up and be the man he used to be. I was bad last night and told him that he really is an @ss hole. He has been saying it for the last couple of weeks now. The way he was acting last night made me believe it. BUT, I then told him that he is not as bad as he would like to think he is. I think he has just gotten this nasty bad attitude and likes to think he is bad. Somedays, I just feel so hopeless. Dear God in Heaven, I hate this pain so much! Help me get through this.<P>~Woozy

woozy..you are doing well under these circumstances- dont you just wanna hit them so hard upside their big, bloated nuggets? <BR>Just keep posting and venting here.<BR>Are you in Plan A? If so, just listen- thats what he needs. I know its tough- i havent been real successful with it yet.<BR>take care and good luck.

Hi Woozy...sorry about the rollercoaster ride you are on. It sucks that people at your H's work suspect this. It's not a surprise though...it seems like the betrayer & OP don't notice anything because they are too caught up in themselves.<P>I hope the affair is over and your H truly wants to work on your marriage. You need to be in Plan A. I know it's hard because they don't deserve it. It seems like we give so much and we don't get much back in return. But, I think this is what your H needs right now. He needs to know that you love him.

Hi, Woozy. Bless your heart. I know this hurts and it's not in the least bit fair, but you're doing a pretty good job here.<P>I do hope that he's telling you the truth and he's not being rotten, and I think you have to proceed as if he is - but with caution.<P>Good luck. I'll be sending prayers your way.<P>lori

Thank you all for the support. I guess we are in plan A right now. I am still reading "Surviving the Affair". My question is this, is my husband supposed to read this book too? I had him start reading it. Of course he hasn't looked at it for two weeks now. Or are there certain parts of the book I should have him read? He has not left us at all. He says he still loves me and I believe him. I believe unfortunately that he has feelings for this bimbo too. I do want to hit him upside his big huge bloated nugget! He has gotten a huge boost to his ego out of this whole sordid affair. I guess I am finding that hard as it almost makes me not even want to be around him. I have noticed that he seems to be becoming very conceited. He didn't used to be that way. He always thought he was ugly. Well, he isn't. He is very handsome. Me being the good wife always tried to build up his ego. I have always told him how handsome he is and how sexy he is. I have told him he is hot. I have never lacked at heaping praise on him. Now this is what I get in return! A huge slap in the face! Well, he apparently has figured out he is good looking. Now, I about can't stand him. I am sorry, this is just bubbling out! I still do love the man, I just really hate the stuff he does. I suppose I should have never told him he could have any woman he wants either. I guess he just had to go out and prove that theory. I really am having a bad day here. I just wish he was back to his old self again. He used to be a good husband. Maybe I should have seen this coming for a long time. Just had those blinders on ya know? Yes, I will keep trying to support him and love him and not do anything to jeapordize our relationship more. It just irritates me as I feel like I am the one doing all the work here. I don't feel like I am getting much in return from him. Well, I must quit for now. I need to do some of my housework. Thanks again to all of you for the much needed support. That is one other good thing... I do have the support of his family. I talked to his mom about it. She is hoping we can work it out. My husband will not talk to her about it and he does not want her to talk to him about it. I really think it would do him some good though. He talked to his brother about it. I have talked to his brother about it. Although he didn't want his brother to know that I know he knows. This is all getting so confusing. He won't get counseling with me either. His parents divorced when he was 16 and they had to go through counseling then. He absolutely hated it. He has always told me to never try to get him to go to a counselor. Well, I have never had a reason to until now. I am going to one on my own. I met with him about two weeks ago. I wasn't too impressed with him. I had to go through Lutheran Social Services. That is who our insurance referred us to. Anyway, I have to see this counselor two more times and then after that I can be referred to one. It is my hope that if I keep going to counseling that my husband will finally decide to come with me. That is an absolute dream though and I know it! I am really not trying to kid myself about it. I do think my husband has a lot of issues that he needs to work on. He keeps things bottled up and hates confrontation. That is why he keeps things bottled up. But then they come out in things like an affair or an angry outburst. Well, I will quit now! I hope everything is well with all of you and I will continue to say prayers for all of us! <P>~Woozy