My boyfriend and i have been living together for the past 6 1/2 years and we have a beautiful 2 year old son together. i found out on 10/30/04 that my boyfriend had cheated on me with a woman from his work. but i didn't find out from him, she had her mother drop off pictures of my son, of him and her and my son, and of him. as well as a receipt from the motel they stayed in shortly after we had returned from our 2 family vacations and a letter that he had written her. i was completely floored. i had suspected him of cheating when we had separated back in march 2003 but i always asked him and he told me he would never do that to me. i chose to stay with him because i do love him and we have a child together. i just can't believe all the lies and planning that went into making this affair possible. he told me that he only slept with her 4 times and never while our son was around and i have no choice but to believe him. i would like to think that after all of this that he wouldn't lie to me about this affair anymore. the big problem i'm having is that he took my son around her. that makes me sick, i can't believe that he involved our helpless son in his lies. also, he has since lost his job because of the affair since she was his employee and he was her boss. she is also a lot older then he or i.. 42 to be exact and i'm 25 and he's 30. i am having such a hard time trusting him and believing that he will never do this again. he has always promised me throughout our relationship that he would never cheat on me, that he would leave if he didn't want to be with me. i know that our relationship wasn't all that great, and we went a long time without having sex. but i am so busy with trying to finish college, raise a child and work part time that sometimes i don't even want to shower. i know that is no excuse for him to cheat on me but i do realize that to drove him to it. i just can't even begin to let it go. we can't go to counseling because he lost his job so he has no insurance to cover it. please help me, i need to begin to let this go and i don't know where to start. i have read dr. harley's column on infidelity but it just isn't helping much. any advice from those who have been there would help at this point in time.

Purchase and read Surviving an Affair, by Willard Harley. The book will give you insight into the dynamics of an affair, and help you better understand why your marriage was vulnerable to an Affair. Secondly, see if you can find a pro marriage counselor or clergy, who can help you pro bono, until your H has a job and you can get full time MC.

Otherwise, keep posting here, and people will help.

Best wishes,
SD