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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1 |
Not really "happy" to be here, but glad a forum like this exists. W is not happy in our marriage, mainly because we were not recognizing each other's emotional needs previously. Unfortunately this was not brought up and just kept inside. About 8 weeks ago she finally blew up at me and I heard all the hurt she had been going through.
We started counseling at which Dr. Harley's books were recommended. I realized immediately where I had been going wrong and started making changes. My W said she "wasn't ready" to start repairing things and the counselor said I should give her time. It had been tough but I was doing it...and making the necessary changes on my part during this 8 week period.
However, the other night I intercepted an email to one of her coworkers, containing sexually explicit content. Something I had been needing so badly, she offered freely to this other guy. After all the positive changes I had been making (and trusting that she just wasn't "ready" yet) - she went and did this. I still love her and realize there were emotional needs I wasn't meeting before, but I have been now she's just unwilling to notice. No idea what to do, but depression has set in. Thanks for listening.
Devastated Guy.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
DG,
Sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. Sorry that the board is rather slow on the weekends. I hope someone more experienced will be around to help you soon. In the meantime please read as much as you can on the site. Did you get Surviving An Affair or His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley yet? My guess is your WW was involved in the A prior to the blow up. You may also want to post on GQll as there is more traffic on that board. Hang in there and hopefully someone will come along soon to give you some advice.
FF
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166
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Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,166 |
Well, the fact that she "just wasn't ready yet" should have been a clue to your conselor that she was having an affair, if it is really true that the main issue was neglect, not LoveBusters. However, the approach to take to repair a marriage after an affair is not the same as after simple neglect (though there are some similarities). Fortunately, Harley has written one of the best books on the market for affair recovery, too, as well as placed many resources here on this site that can get you started. Click on the link in my signature line for details, as well the rest of the "best resources" we have found for recovery.
As for is it worth it? It was for us. Our marriage is better now than it EVER was.
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