Hi

I am a male 30 years of age married for 8 years with two great kids.
I have a great marriage and I love my wife .......
Recently for no apparent reason we had a conversation about past romances. Me and my wife were both virgins when we met but I decided to find out how far she did go with anyone before me. She on the other hand did not want to know any of my past encounters at all, maybe I should have kept it that way myself............. Well she told me there was one guy before me that she fooled around with Like kissing petting and some masturbating if thats what they call it, like he touched her and she touched him (no climax at all as she states) this is still finger penetration.
After hearing this I was shocked but took it as best I could because this was before me. But Now almost four months later I find myself consumed with the thoughts and images of this happening to my wife.

I also before my wife have been with girls in that way.Can someone answer why I feel this way after four months and if this is not normal should I seek medical attention. I dont want to feel this way anymore

Some times I feel like the feelings are going away than they just come back. Could this be a complusive disorder or am I just plain stupid....

Can you shed some light on this very troubling issue in my life right now
I dont want to screw up my marriage and life for this.....

Littleman1

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by littleman1:

Can someone answer why I feel this way after four months and if this is not normal should I seek medical attention. I dont want to feel this way anymore

Some times I feel like the feelings are going away than they just come back. Could this be a complusive disorder or am I just plain stupid.... Can you shed some light on this very troubling issue in my life right now
I dont want to screw up my marriage and life for this.....

Littleman1</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not a professional but if this is something that is causing a great deal of emotional distress for you then by all means seek professional counseling. Your W's sexual encounters prior to meeting you in her life, CANNOT be considered a betrayal of you.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 09:23 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Dear LittleMan1,

I quite agree it might be best to seek some professional help on this.

You state yourself that not only did all this happen BEFORE you two were a couple, and that you did similar things with girls (that's a plural to your wife's singular, by the way!).

So should your W now also be devastated because YOU did this with these other girls? No, of course not. So why should you?

I think you'll agree with me that your reaction is way too strong compared to the actual facts provoking it. That usually means there is something else, something you need to deal with, something that probably has nothing to do with your wife or with your marriage, but that is a fear, a burden that you carry with you and that has now surfaced.

Some soul searching with the help of a good counselor might clear that up and make you feel better.

Hi,

What makes you feel that your wife was with other girls in a sexual way?

Hi
Dont know why I feel so hurt by this but maybe its a fact I might of known before we dated but chose to hide it. before I dated my wife I had a close friend which was a close friend to her. I asked her to find out about her sexual history and she told me those exact things my wife described to me. So when the girl then told me I chose to hear it then lock it away and asked my wife now on date. Maybe the fact that I never really asked her about her past before we got involved? Dont really know but I sure wish I could stop thinking about this stuff its really negative and bad as if I were right there with them watching. Then you always are wondering did she screw him or not. I believe in my heart not but in my mind its always up in the air depending on how I feel at that given moment.

Its an issue thats really screwing with my mind now...

Maybe this writing and reading the replys will help me thru this..

Please advise.............................

Brownhair

So can you shed some light on my last reply, its been awhile and I chose to get some medical help to coop with my thoughts and images. I thoink I caused some sort of PTSD with learning of something I learned of my wife that I really didnt know before

Someone help me see the right path please!!!!

Littleman

I’m truly sorry I can’t be more polite, really I am.

Dude Get Real and grow up !! I know Bill Clinton stretched what sex isn’t but this was not fornication. Even if it was, it was before you. If you’re going to let something like this eat you up inside you do need help but not marital help, you need personal help.
Sounds to me like your on your way to ruining an otherwise perfectly good marriage. Keep at it and you will need our help.

Oz

Oswald

Hey man Thanks for the wake up call.Its starting to sink in that it really shouldnt be considered sex. I know Im being a real ******* about it but I guess it was a total shock not knowing that before. Something new from way back sometimes hurts.

Little

How's it going. Havent heard from you in a while and wondering how your dealing with the past and the memories.

It's been about a year for me and I'm feeling sooooooo much better. I wonder if it the old addage of "time heals" or am I just wearing down the sharp edges so it just doesn't cut so hard.