I took last week off. My son came home from college. In spite of me/his dad and problems with his dysfunctional (don't mean to be mean, but she has sooo many problems) he did very well. From earlier post, his girlfriend from HS (who he has wanted to break it off with but hasn't had the heart) left her foster home and was gone more than 24 hours. Since she is over 18, she was kicked out of Social Services care. She also quit school. I'm really upset with her over that. Plan was for her dad to come get her from Kentucky. Well, she is on probation from a domestic dispute with mom and stepdad and has 11 more months of supervision. State of Kentucky won't transfer a file with less than 12 months' supervision. She is stuck in NC with no family, no high school diploma, etc. Probation officer gave her a list of homeless shelters. My son knows he must move on, but I can't put her on the street. she is with me until she gets a job and we can find her a room to rent or a roommate to share expenses with. she had no cards, phone calls or anything from her family. When we went to foster parents' to get her clothes they were stewn on damp dirt floor of a garage covered with dog crap. I had to throw away all the clothes that were at the bottom of the box due to stink/mildew. They had given her a TV/CD player for Christmas last year but wouldn't let her have it. She hadn't "earned it". They were total jerks. The man weighs about 500 lbs and is "disabled". He sits in front of the internet all day every day. What a creep. The foster mother is off the wall as well.<BR>This situation will take some time.<P>My daughter had to work at Duke Christmas Eve night and Christmas night. She was home the earlier part of the week and she had her Christmas with us. She was really upset Christmas Eve, as was I. My first Christmas without my baby girl.<P>My H took the week off as well. He drove in from Wilmington and stayed with me. My bed is an antique three-quarter bed, but he insisted on sleeping with me in it. No sex due to so many people in the apartment but he didn't seem to mind. We had a wonderful time at my parents' home and he carved the turkey as usual. I went with him to his mom's and we had a very nice day.<P>Sunday I cried a bit, telling him how lonely it is without him. He cried as well. He just wanted to hold me. I kept telling him he needed to get on the road, or he would be so late getting in. He said it didn't matter -- he'd just as soon get there late.<BR>He got me beautiful earrings for Christmas. I have a fetish for humming birds. The earrings are little gold hummingbirds with diamonds in the beak and emeralds for eyes. <P>I told him I loved him as he left and he told me he loved me too. He is coming for New Year's as well.<P>When I called to see if he got back home okay, it was business as usual with little affection.<P>I'm still confused. He's still depressed. I think the depression is worse than it was when he was here. We are making some headway, but he still needs help in a bad way. I haven't mentioned it since he moved. He has to do it. <P>I would love to feel "normal" again, whatever that is. I hope to be able to help this girl who no one else seems to care about. I hope my son can move forward with his life, as she isn't the person he needs permanently. I hope the direction of my marriage will be clarified soon.<P>My wish for all of us is a renewed sense of hope and resolution with our lives. Happy New Year, all.<BR>

Wow Janie,<BR>What an incredibly full plate you have! I think anyone in your situation would be having a hard time dealing with any ONE of those things. I hope things go well with hubby, sounds like he has a lot of love for you in his heart and maybe just needs to re-evaluate what his mind is thinking. The way you are caring for son's girlfriend really shows what a good heart you have. Hopefully with a little time, a little Plan A, and a whole lotta love things will work out in all aspects of your life. Take care of yourself as much as you take care of the others and I'm sure you will get through this trial all right! I'll be watching to see where this ride takes you. <BR>Arik

Janie,<P>It sounds like the holiday season was really a busy one for you. It does sound like things are looking up some. Your H is coming around and hopefully he will finally deal with the depression. Taking on your sons girl friend (not really girl friend I guess) will be quite a challenge for you. She obviously has had noone help her learn how to really function in the real world. Unfortunately, she is going to hit the REAL world head on as she works out of her current situation.<P>Just wanted to wish you a happy New Year. I think it will be a good for you.<P><BR>JL

Hi Janie,<P>Your situation sounds so familiar! My H, too, is now living out of town. I've spoken with him several times when HE calls me. He always sounds unhappy. Always starts the conversation off by telling me he misses me. You are right, in that, THEY must resolve their problems themselves. WE cannot do it for them. I know how hard it is to just sit and watch. I want to help him in the worst way, but I know I can't. Living in this proverbial state of hellish limbo is even worse. Sometimes, the sadness is almost overwhelming.<P>You know, perhaps helping that girl is a good thing for you right now as it is a means of taking your mind off other things. And, when we respond to others with kindness and compassion, our efforts come back to us tenfold.<P>Take care. Hoping and praying for you.