Last night my W called me. I had told her that I would help with christmas. $$$$$$$$. well she never came to me and asked for help. now she says she borrowed money from a friend at work for Christmas, and now needs help paying it back. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.<P>The the conversation turned to our Divorce. She said it will be thrown out of the court cause she dont have the money to pay for the Lawyer. HA HA HA HA HA HA.NOT MY PROBLEM. <P>She called me a few months ago about going to see her lawyer about Child support. He charged her for the time. She cant afford it. SHe wanted me to go. I also wanted an amount on paper.<P>Now she acts as if it my fault that "she cant close this part of her life". <P>She is loosing her mind. She also came to pick up the kids the other night after I visited for Christmas, and My buddy and his W were her. His W was holding my baby. W said nothing till the phone call. SHe asked me what I said to them for them to give her a dirty look. I SAW NO DIRTY LOOKS. I SAW SMILES, and they told her how precious her children were, and then after she left asked me to invite her over to their house one time.<P>SHE HAS LOST HER MIND.<P>This I cant understand at all.....ANY HELP??????<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Don't give her any money for the divorce or anything associated with it. If she needs it & is entitled to it, the court will make you pay.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

CA123, They are already making me Pay, But You cant get Blood from a turnip. This is why she is hounding me for the attorney Fees. I'M NOT GONNA DO IT<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

brown, <P>You do just pay child support, right? Nothing else, right?<P>

Brownphd,<BR>Just so you know, any attorney fees that need to be paid should be part of the divorce action itself. She needs to secure the services of the attorney on her own, meaning reassure the attorney that some form of payment will be made regardless and then pursue the attorney fees through the legal system. This is a law.<BR>As far as support, I would attempt to do so on your own and the average is 15percent for one child of your total income and 27 percent for more than one child, I believe this to be the norm. I would do so without a court order because it would only look good in your favor.<BR>The other thing I would pursue, as I said before is the joint counselling issue. Not only do you need to communicate better between the two of you for the children but you also need to do so possibly for her issues. I would approach this in that manner, that you want to strengthen your relationship for the children that are involved. It kinda sounds like she's spinning her wheels, a side effect of deep depression/anxiety. I would definately go that route. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P>

Sounds like she has a guilty conscience to me(thinking that people are giving her dirty looks). I wouldn't give her a dime, besides the child support ofcourse!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>

Guilt she is full of. If you have been following you would know. Its a long story. I think it is in my profile<BR><P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Hi Brownphd -<P>Well, isn't she just in the land of guilt and confusion???...... UGH!!<P>Sounds like she didn't plan this out very well for herself now, doesn't it?<P>This is what I would do - I think:<P>XMas Money.....Sorry, that was her choice to get it somewhere else and is not YOUR debt......How do you know what amount - IF ANY - was borrowed and for what? She could have done anything with the money.....<P>Money for Attorney....I don't think so!!! What nerve!! YOU don't want any part of a divorce and she has the gall to try to make you pay for it? NOT!!!<BR>How it is working in my divorce is - MY H wants it...took the legal action and I will try to get my costs paid for by him!!!! He wants it.....He pays for it ALL!!!!!! <P>What did you mean by "They already make me Pay"......WHO and for WHat? Child support? or more?<P>As far as her comments about the friends - definitely her guilty conscience and resulting paranoia......It's all in her head!! <P>HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR>

SHEBA, it says in the TEMP. order that I am yo pay all debt aquired by her due to this case.<P> She is definitaly a case. She even told me if I had wanted to do somthing for NEW YEARS. she would keep the kids.( its my weekend ).<P>I will never figure her scrambled mind.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

brownphd,<P>You owe money for the support of your children and NOTHING ELSE. This woman is trying to use you. If she is short on money all the time...well TOUGH! That is a CONSEQUENCE of her wanting to live on her own and she better get used to it. If she wantas to divorce you bad enough, then she should be incentivized enough to save the money she will need. If she can't make that a priority, then it can't be that important to her. <P>DO NOT GIVE HER ANY EXTRA MONEY unless she has an emergency for the kids or something very unusual. SHE MADE A CHOICE TO LEAVE YOU AND this is a CONSEQUENCE! TOO BAD!!!<P>Roll Me Away<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Roll Me Away- I have decided to give her half the money she borrowed, but when i give it to her i'm gonna give it to her dad. if you remember she turned over all her bill to her him.<P>He told her that she didnt have money for gifts. I told her i would help with the kids, and her parents gifts. So he dont know about the money. He will though. I have already put my self in a whole with her abortion,and having a hell of a time digging out. They all will know that she wants this not me. She will have come up eith the money, cause I'm not helping. I'm tired of this crap. The more i typr the madder I get.<P>If she wants this so bad, wants to get on with her life so bad, this other guy is sooooo F#$KING wonderful. LET THE SOB PAY THE DAMN BILLS. I cant handle this no longer.<P>I'M TO DAMN TIRED. MY GIVER HAS ALMOST GIVEN UP<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Brown-<P>It would be foolish of me to guess at what might be going on in that head of your W's but.............i would like to say a thing or two.<P>In the best interests of the children and you too, you need to focus on what you need to do so far as court orders-such as child support and spousal maintanence. It doesn't matter if your W is losing her mind-if anyone here can figure out why so many betrayers are "losing" their minds then they are way ahead of me in this ride.<P>I come from divorced parents, I am 42 years old and let me tell you my life has been hell thanks to my parents not being able to set aside their anger and raise their kids right. We were always caught in the middle of their hostility <P>Frankly-your kids need YOU right now and for the rest of their lives! I wish you the best of luck-give the kids a hug for me and move on with your life. The anger will only drag you down to the pits with me <P>HUGS<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

Heartache- I too come from divorced parents. I'm only 26, but they have been divroced since I was 5. I have seen a lot of men come and go in my mothers life, abd I do not want that for my kids, hell its already happening. I hated only seeing my dad every other weekend. I would rather try to work uout our diffrences than to watch my life all over again.<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Hi Brownphd -<P>I don't know much about all this legal stuff.....<P>Why would you be held responsible for her legal debt? Did you have a hearing or lawyer or something to determine that you were to pay this? I would think that temp orders are only dealing with children and bills, etc.<P>What reason is there for determining who pays lawyers fees at the onset - I've only seen it done as part of the actual divorce.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Brown,<P>Sorry I didn't see this sooner.<P>As for me, and I truly hope this will never happen. If it does I will not take it lieing down. My W is the one that chose to leave the marriage, so she will have to file, moreover, if she does I will sue for sole custody and she will have to pay me for child support. I sought councel at the very beginning of all this. He told me exactly what the laws were. It is a looseing situation for her if she chooses to never reconcile.<P>Me personaly I say F-her, she didn't want the money when you offered it to her, too bad she is in more debt. Make sure your children are well taken care of. That I see it as your only obligation. She wanted this not you.<P>I also wonder about my W. My question is where is my wife and when is she going to return?????<P><BR>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Brown-<P>Sorry about my post. I think maybe I didn't send the message I was trying to send. My heart is in the right place but my words always jumble as my mind seems to get so far ahead of what I am currently trying to say Sorry!!!<P>What I meant was this-just take care of you and the kids. You can't change anyone, and while I am still with my H I know that when someone goes out and destroys so much in what was once a very valuable relationship, they sometimes make things impossible to fix. I kind of got the message that you were at the end of your rope-and I don't blame you for being there! All I wanted to say was hang on and chin up-we love you and will be here for you.<P>My personal feelings are that the things your W is doing would be called "emotional abuse" in my book-and that is something I took for 13 years from my ex. Never again will I subject myself to that. You know if your marriage is worth the fight-I wish you the very best!!!<P>HUGS again <P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>

brownphd,<BR> I agree with the rest. NO EXTRA MONEY!! She has to learn what it's going to be like without your support everytime she wants to dip into your pocket. GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK