hi,
I am feeling lost. I accidentally ran across a notebook that my wife had written a note on concerning an affair she is having with a long time friend of hers. I recently ran across notes about divorce.

I don't know how I feel, almost angry at first, then hurt and just horrible inside.

We have 2 wonderful girls (5 and 8 ), I can't stand the thought of losing them. I also still have strong feelings for my wife and I don't wanna lose her either.

I think she is planning on moving out of state to be with OM. From the notes it seems she is going to try and show that I have abused the kids, yelling. True at times I have raised my voice at them, but I realized that and for the last 3 months I have not raised my voice even 1 time. Yet she continues to yell at them, I even here it when I come home, at the door its just a lot of yelling, even when I call during the day, she yells so loud it hurts my ear.

I don't know what to do, should I confront her, or wait for her to bring it up. Can yelling be considered child abuse, should I counter with her as abusive. I just don't know how to proceed.

I have looked at the MB site and think that plan A should be done, but is it too late.

Until the ink dries on the Divorce documents, it's never too late.

Purchase Surviving an Affair. Read it, in fact, study it. It will explain the dynamics of an affair to you, and give you clues as what might have happened in your marriage to leave it vulnerable.

It's also a roadmap on how to confront, how to expose, and to whom, and give you help in reconsiliation and recovery. It's a must read for anyone who finds a need to be on this website.

Sorry to hear of your situation, but YOU can make a difference. Become educated, then Start Plan A. It's a rollercoaster ride, but many of us here have survived the ride!

Best wishes
SD

Hello,

It is absolutely essential that you contact an attorney immediately. She is planning to move your children away to be with the OM and claim you are an unfit parent. Contact an attorney so you can protect yourself now and now allow her to take the children away. Do it tomorrow. Talk to the lawyer and then confront your wife. This is very serious.

Is it possible for you to get the notebook to the lawyer with you? It would be evidence in your defence. Is it also possible for you to tape one of those conversations when your W is yelling at the kids? If you can get several of these, even if she succeeds in getting this to court, it will undermine the credibility of her allegations against you.

You must protect yourself.

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 09:36 AM: Message edited by: SAB ]</small>

WAIT! Becareful about taping the conversations without her knowing. That will cause huge a legal mess. Because then they can claim that you are being on your best behavior. I would copy that note book if you can and make a journal of each and every day she is yelling. Get a laywer. Find out your rights and ask the right way to get proof on how she yells at the kids! I am not sure where you live but I know in some states your wife cannot take the kids out of state without your premission regardless of "abuse".

We all yell at one point or another to our kids. But as long as you are not hurting your kids intentionally is what matters. The true personality will come out.

At this point do not let your wife know that you know something. She might get defensive and who knows what might happen. The book Suriving an Affair will guide you through the steps. Also there is a book out there that I read for some tips called; What to do when your love one wants to leave." Plam A. will help, but you have got to pull yourself together and stay strong.

And what ever you do, don't bring the kids in this. Having them take sides will cause a lot of friction and make them make a choice which is unfair.

You need to get individual counceling for yourself too. The stress that you are about to face is going to be extremely difficult. You need a support system. Please continue to post it is also great therapy.

Ali~

<small>[ November 16, 2004, 09:52 AM: Message edited by: Ali88 ]</small>

NO! IT IS NOT TO LATE FOR PLAN A. That might work to your advantage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Ali~