My WH met the OW in Canada on a trip he had to take with the Navy. (see my other posts) I have only known about this less than 2 weeks now. He met her on his first trip up there. He has been twice. I found out this afternoon, he has to go back again tomorrow for 2 days. How am I going to get through this??? He swears that she won't even know he is there. How can I trust that?? I am so scared!!! I feel like my heart is just sinking, I am shaking, my stomach is just sick. How can I stay here with the kids, wondering what he is doing. Please help me with some sort of game plan.

I am assuming he will be on duty while there. So when off duty how often can you call him? Is there any way for you two to chat on the internet for a few hours? Maybe playing one of the internet games to pass the time. Or is there someone he is going with that they can hang out the whole time, ie golf trip, site seeing, rock climbing, snow boarding?

Just trying to think of things to eat up his time while there. Of course the obvious question is why don't you go along?

ama,

Remember what I said about what you can control and what you can't? This is one of those things. You can tell him that you'd like him to make a phone call every hour while he's there and swear on his mother's life to not contact her, but there's really nothing that you can do to control his actions.

Again, what you can control is your reaction. Try to keep as calm as you can. Try not to let yourself dwell on it too much.

And personally I'd tell him that if you find out that he's been in contact with her up there, you're going to contact his chain of command about it. It's not being vindictive. It's telling him that he has a choice whether to do it or not, and that there are consequences to his actions.

I'm with ya, girl!

Psssst Ama - it's me, the one who told you about this place. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm so glad you came here for help. You will get so much wonderful information that will help you through this, no matter what the end result evenutally is.

I have to agree with the others, it does seem really shady that he gets so angry when you bring it up and that he has changed everything so you cannot check up on him. As a FWW I have to say that is a strong indication that he at least still has an emotional tie to her and is either still in contact or leaving that door open until things calm down at home.

Like Dobie suggested - make a list of what you CAN control and work on those things. While he is away on his trip to Canada make a list of things you would like to happen from his end: i.e. no contact letter, access to e-mail, access to phone log, counseling, etc. Let him know that you are more than willing to work at rebuilding the marriage but there are some things that you need from him to help you too. I think it would be safe to let him know that he may not be willing to do them right this minute, but when he is then he can come to you about making the marriage what it should be. If he says anything about her hurt tell him point blank that you do not care about her and her pain, that what you care about is the pain you feel and making sure your boys are sheltered from this.

Again, it's a long hard road, but it is possible. Please take this time to work on you. Find things to keep you happy and healthy. Think of things you can do with just the kids. Let him know you are doing this or that and if he'd like to come along he's welcome, but leave it at that. Let him realize that you can and will make it on your own if you have to.

I PMed you and suggested this - plan a nice dinner for when he comes home. Let him know that you want the marriage to survive this. I really hope and pray he comes around and starts working with you.

I have to get back to work right now. Hugs to you.