I just was married 3weeks ago. My H and I have been together for 3.5 yrs. When we first met he seemed to be a straight laced guy. About 2 yrs ago, he lied to me about something so stupid, going to Hooters. Totally upset me and made me lose trust in him. Then I found out that he had lied to me bout a strip club. I was devistated but knew we were both above it and could make it. We bought a house and I still had my skepticism. Just as I trusted him again, 2 weeks before the wedding I found out that he ordered a porn dvd of a woman "banging" (sorry for the language but it was the title) her husband. I was floored. He apologized and swore to me that i was the only one and even though he had contact with this girl via email, nothing was going on. He said he never owned anything like that before, he was curious. Yesterday I saw on his care website, he had pics of naked girls and he is making comments to other women that he wants them to do him. That girls are fine. ( he knows that because of him, i have a huge self esteem problem. The fact that he said that made it worse) The posting date was actually 4 mos ago. He sat me down, gave me every password he has ever had to any email, website, or organization. And every since he saw me at the wedding, he is a new man and will never hurt me? what should i think? Trust him or what

Corec,

Welcome! I am sorry that you are in this situation.

Your husband at this point deserves ZERO trust from you. What has he done to earn it?

My advice to you is to set clear boundaries, let your husband know what those boundaries are, and let him know firmly but nicely that you expect those boundaries to be resepcted.

Let him know also that you love him and that you will do your best to meet his most important needs.

You are stil relatively young in your marriage, so you have a great opportunity to begin habits that will carry you to a lifetime of trust and happiness.

Have you checked out the emotional needs questionnaire on the marriage Builder site yet? That's a good place for your two to begin. You'll get a lot better idea of what your husband needs and he will have a better idea of how to satisfy your needs as well.

How old are you, by the way?

I am 27

Thank you for the advice AndrewA. I have filled out my emotional needs questionaire and I am waiting for him to fill out his. After that, do should we exchange them and discuss which each has written?