hello -- I had this forum recommended to me and am hoping feedback will help as I am in a pretty bad way just now...

I am 46, have been married for 18 years and survived an affair 10 years ago and stayed married. I have a 15 y.o daughter and 17 y.o. son. But last summer as I was being placed on a heart transplant list (I have a very serious and dibilitating heart disease and have had breast cancer, but fought it and won three times)my husband had a torrid and very public affair with a 28 y.o married co-worker (I was her -- and his -- supervisor). The affair was even in the newspaper. Everyone in the office knew about it but me. But worst of all, he totally involved our 15 y.o. discussing their sex life, how happy they were together, how they planned on ditching me and getting married and having a baby and how they hoped her husband would committ suicide. They instructed her to keep it from me and she did. Her drunken and enraged hushband found out he threatened her with a gun, made her quit work etc... but they continued on until he came to my workplace with a gun. I was fired the next day and we moved out of state (no income, had to move) so I was removed from the transplant list. Last week, my daughter said she could no longer keep the secret and told me -- everything, all the details -- "She said Daddy gave the best oral sex in the world" "They were planning on having a baby together. They were so happy." They constantly text messaged sweet nothings to each other including "Let's go have sex" and shared those with my daughter. He justified the affair over and over by telling her what an awful person I am and how unhappy I made him.
He is still living with us -- he has to because of my medical condition -- no transplant without a support system. He has made it clear he is only here until I get my transplant then he is walking -- rather darkens the future.I do nothing but cry all day and my daughter is so broken and hurt. She is in counseling, I begin psycho-therapy next week -- he refuses either. there are all kinds of mementos of the affair around the that he instructed my daughter to hide and I find some every now and then.
He swears it is over and he is here to take care of me -- my daughter says (to me) "don't be a fool."
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newshound,
my first thought is that God has brought you this far for a reason otherwise you would be dead by now (breast cancer and heart). There is a reason you are here.....you are one of God's chosen....you may not feel like it but you are a survivor.

do not give up.......look at plan a and b and call steve harley immediately for advise. you need support and you need to put yourself first. you need to do a very hard plan a....while your h is still home.

i am praying for you.

God bless you. Many of us here are in pain but your story makes us realize how luck we are in other respects. You are a survivor and your daughter is a survivor. I read her post last night and she was so concerned. She seems like such a nice girl to be put in such a horrid position. Your husband is contemptable beyond words.

Big hugs to you.

Woman...abandon your pathetic husband and lead a new life. You deserve the best. Your husband has become insane...replacing you with a younger flesh is a disrespectful act beyond forgiveness.

Actually, it -can- be forgiven. It's just very hard work.

Newshound, I read your post last night and was as moved as I have been by any post. I agree with 2334pem. People don't survive as much as you've been through unless there's a reason. I dunno what that reason is -- but you're going to be amazing when you get there. What a story.

Rid yourself from all this "it-can-be-forgiven" mambo jambo crap. Yes it can, but it will take a toll on every aspect of your health. He just replaced with someone younger. How deplorable could that be? Spare yourself from martyrdom. Life is too short to deal with this kind of jerk. my 2 cents.