My wife has been out of town with her best friend trying to clear her head. She called today and in the same breath talked about if things are ok in a year then....and how she doesn't want contact with her family, the possibility of her moving out for two months or the two of us moving to another town. I just need some advice as to how to proceed with helping her beat the depression she is feeling without pushing her away. So, help.

Dale, <P>First off, did you know your profile only reads, "Dear Dr. Harley"?? I'd love to read your story, but your profile will need an update... be sure to write in one continuous paragraph or it will all be lost.<P>I guess I'd like to know who had the affair? Is your W truly depressed or angry, or what? Have you gone to a counselor, has she, have you together?? <P>Why doesn't she want to see her family? Would moving out of town be feasible, and would it get you away from OP??<P>Will await your response.<P>~Sheryl

Sheryl, I have updated my profile. Maybe this will give you some more insight into the situation. Thank you for responding.

Okay Dale, read it, and thanks for updating...<P>Well, it's obvious why she doesn't want to see her family, and HOW EMBARRASSING for YOU!! Geez...<P>About the moving out- Good God, don't let her go if you have ANYTHING to say about it. It is my experience, and I have been both betrayer and betrayed, the cheating spouse wants to move out to have easier access to the OP... almost without fail. <P>As far as moving to another town: that's a good idea if it means getting away from OP. Can you guys live financially that way??<P>And finally, the depression is real. Has she seen a doctor about that? What about a therapist?? One or the other (or both) would be good for BOTH of you. You must be very upset too???!!!<P>Don't push anything right now... be as loving as you can, soas not to push her away.<P>~Sheryl

Counseling and a doctor are in order if she is depressed,which is very likely if she has a history of the illness. You responded to my post on the "depression" thread. My H started seeing a counselor about three weeks before he started the meds,he had also moved out of the house and in with a close friend of the family. After the meds kicked in,it seemed he knew right away what he "really" wanted,me and his kids and an intact family. It made such a big difference in him. I am so grateful he was open to trying meds. Encourage her lovingly to get help,support her and don't let her move away while she feels like this if you can at all help it. Family members sometimes think they are helping you by supporting your side in the matter,but sometimes it's better for you and your wife if you can deal with this without their input,especially so she doesn't feel worse than she already does.

Dale,<P>Sheryl is correct on all points.<P>Don't think your W won't see OP when you are separated. That my friend is the cold hard truth. Sorry.<P>How will you be able to work on your marriage if you're not living together?<P>The depression will pass if she has ended contact w/OP. Extreme measures MUST be taken to end ALL contact w/OP. If you can move to get away from OP do so.<P>Will your W read any of the information here on this site?<P>Go back to your original post and reread anything of value to your situation.<P>If you realy want your marriage to work time is of the essence. <P>Have you gotton Dr.H's book surviving an affair? If not get it tomorrow. Try and get your W to read it.<P>Keep posting here, include more details if you are comfortable. Remember we are all pretty much anonymous to each other.<P>We care more than you realise. I know your pain all to well. This place saved my life.<P>There is alot of hope for your marriage. Don't loose that.<P>Keep coming back.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Thank you Sheryl and mthrrhbard,<BR>Unfortunately, she seems set on moving to a boarding house and she wants to be able to talk to the OM mother. I asked her to consider not talking to the OM's mother as she was a direct link to him. God, I am so miserable right now. This all happened in a two week time span. That is, the actual start of the affair, the discovery and now her decision to move out. I hope that someone can help me find a way to try and convince her stay. She is convinced that she loves him and has fallen out of love with me. However, she says that she never wants me to be out of her life....

We are scheduled to see a counselor on Jan. 3, and that seems like an eternity. I know you are right about her seeing and talking to him Bill, but I don't know how to make her stop and I don't know that I will be able to keep her from moving. She is incredibly stubborn and right now doesn't want to hear any suggestions I make. Please let me know if you folks think of anything that might help.

Dale,<P>I wish I had an answer for you. If you have read my profile and last dosen or so posts, you will see exactly how far my W has her head crammed up her @ss.<P>I just picked up the Book lovebusting By Dr. Harley. It seems to have some insight about how love is lost and can be returned.<P>If your W is going to counceling with you try Steve Harley. You can find him on this site. I submitted my appointments today. He seems to be the expert on this.<P>We'll see.<P>Ask her to reconcider moving until you've seen a councelor.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Good God Bill, why are they doing this to us. My W's OM is between 18-21(I think 21). That is almost identical to what my wife has said to me. She loves me, but she isn't "in love with me" and she has this euphoric feeling of new love with the OM.

Dale,<P>I was in the same boat that you are in. I was there back in May of this year. My advice for you would be to first read Dr. Harley's "Survivivng an affair" Then schedule an appointment with him over the phone. I use Jennifer, she is great. at this point there is nothing you can do. I tried everything. Believe me. this Plan A works. Last night, my ex called me and asked me out on a date to eat dinner. She came and waited almost an hour for me to get off work. met me at a local restaurant and she paid! I would have never thought that this would happen. I hope and pray that it continues. my email is dfloyd01@aol.com if you would like to contact me.