Hey AW,

I was just wondering how you were doing and if you've heard from Aussie...

Been thinking about you and Aussie and wanted to let you know that you are both in my daily prayers...

Semper Fi,
RIF

Hi RIF

well I'm ok but anxious. No word from Aussie yet since the indirect message re the photo.
I've been keeping the daily log for him and been spending quite a bit of time with my DD who is still very confused at the moment poor sweet heart.

What spare time I have if I don't spend it thinking about the A and my actions I'm either worrying about Aussie and repeating to my self over and over that he will be ok, or wondering what hes thinking.
Mmm that sounds confusing even to me.

Still going to IC/MC and learning a lot about myself and why we respond to things like we do.
Sometimes it still seems to be such a big hill to climb to get over this mess I created. I just cry with frustration at times.

One moment I never want to talk about or think about it ever again and the next I'm picking it apart in my own mind like a festering sore.
I wonder if it ever stops

PS

thanks for the prayers RIF you're a good mate!

Hey AW!

Glad to hear that things are going reasonably well... I completely understand the anxious feelings and I would have to say that it's probably much harder for the family back home than it is for us...

The only news clips you see from Iraq are all doom and gloom. You very rarely see any of the great things that we're doing over there, or over here in Afghanistan. My W refuses to watch the news and hasn't watched the news since I left home last February...

I'm glad that you've continued with your Journal... Aussie will appreciate seeing that when he gets home!

Hey, I know that it's easy to sit around and beat yourself up over the past... I think that it is important for you to find out the WHY of an A, but once you find the reason, then focus your efforts on ways that you can prevent that from ever happening again... Your MC/IC can help you there...

I'm sure that Aussie will call or e-mail or write you soon... It's takeing about 14 - 21 days for real letters to make it home to the states. I only have to worry about a 10.5 hr time zone difference for e-mails and IM so we usually have a couple of hours each day that we can chat with each other.

I tell all of my guys on the team that your imagination will almost always "think" the worst, so if you have some feeling or premonition, recognize it as just that and take comfort in the fact that 99.9% of the time it's never as "bad" as you think it is!

Aussie is fine. I'm sure that he's busy taking care of business and he will contact you at his first opportunity! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Semper Fi,
RIF

Hope you're keeping busy and well AW...

It sounds like your D needs your comfort right now and its great that you can do that for her. Hang on in there!

I second RIF - I'm sure Aussie will contact as soon as he can, and he definitely sounds like a survivor to me.

AW- Come on over to Idiotville sometime. We talk only about stupid stuff, and it is very relaxing.

Smur how are you?
Meant to post yesterday and ask you but been out of it with a head cold.
Its all I need!!
Feel rotten enough and then its like wham I get hit with the bug from the nieces & nephews who were dripping noses at the wedding on Saturday.
YUCK YUCK

Daughter is all starry eyed after her cousins wedding and is still in a big daze. Well I guess I love weddings especially in our family where only a few years ago we were not many family units. I mean Aussies brother only married 2 years ago and no one else looked as if they were even thinking of tying the knot, I mean except for Aussie the rest of his clan seemed to have an aversion to the 'C' word.

Any word from your H yet or is he still away and keeping to himself? I guess you are right to just let him have his space for now.
I hope he decides to come & work with you on the M soon.

Anyway still no word from Aussie and I try to avoid looking at all the news on Iraq. Except when I sneak a look on CNN and then get worried all over again. Mmm glutton for punishment

Well a few more panodol and sleep if possible to get rid of this bug.

Hi AW,

Hope you're feeling better... any word from Aussie?

Semper Fi,
RIF

Hi RIF

still clogged up with a cold, a cold in summer can you believe it??? Little monsters..lol

Still nothing from Aussie RIF and the news on CNN just seems worse every day though I try to ignore most of the coverage but can't help worrying.

I feeling pretty low right now. Going through all the 'what if's' and 'if only's' over & over. Not sleeping well either and the cold just makes it worse.

I guess I'll just have to ride this out and be glad Aussie isn't here to see me wallow in disgusting self pity.

AW- You are a very strong, good woman,I have a lot admiration for you.
You are going thru so much emotionally, and having Aussie so far ,must not be a "field day".
I am sure the time that Aussie is spending away from you, will be a time for him to realize what a great, loving wife he has. I am sure he is going to come back much more positive and loving with you.
I know in my heart , that everything is going to work out between both of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I know I am not the best person to advise you in self pity,but thats the worst you could do right now. You have your daughter and other family that can keep you busy .Keep up with your journal and other activities. Be positive!!!
AW,my thoughts and well wishes are with you!!!
Hmm, I cannot wish you a Happy Thanskgiving, since you dont celebrate that holiday, but have a wonderful happy day anyways!!!
Take care!!

MYRTA

Hi AW,

Sorry you're still under the weather... and that you're still feeling glum...

I'm sure that Aussie will get in touch with you as soon as he gets a chance.

I can't speak for the conditions in Iraq, but I can tell you from my time in Bosnia, Kosovo, and here in Afghanistan, that the news ALWAYS appears to be worse than it actually is on the ground... Again, I'm not saying that everything is perfect and safe in Iraq (or here in Afghanistan for that matter!), but if you watch CNN or any of the major news networks, all you're going to see are the 'worst' violet images that they can find...

Anyway, didn't mean to get on my soap-box about the news... I hope you get to feeling better!!!

You and Aussie are in my prayers...

Semper Fi,
RIF

Hi Myrta

thanks for your words of encouragement. I guess I'm just feeling a bit lost right now.
I suppose it's just a result of no contact from Aussie and a good or is that bad imagination.

I only remember last time he was hurt and I fear the same on top of everything else.
I wish it was over, I wish he was home and would tell me its all going to be ok.

I don’t understand why I feel so miserable tonight it just came out of nowhere today and I can't shake it.

Can't figure it, I'm so moody and feel so tired lately, have a headache nearly every morning &
and if I eat anything too rich I just get sick & nauseous. Must be this darn cold.

Maybe just tired, I'll take some doxylamine & try to sleep it off.

Make sure to have a great time on Thanksgiving with your Stanley and family.

RIF,

Would you say that being a active soldier, and possibly witnessing atrocities, have made you appreciate what you have with your W? I ask you this because maybe Aussie's return to the battlefield could help him view his life with his W differently. What do you think?

Cheer up AW! I'm sure there will be better days ahead of you. I didn't realize your H was in the army. Your situation reminded me of that music video "Whiskey Lullaby". Prayer helps.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong> RIF,

Would you say that being a active soldier, and possibly witnessing atrocities, have made you appreciate what you have with your W? I ask you this because maybe Aussie's return to the battlefield could help him view his life with his W differently. What do you think? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi TMCM... I've never seen any atrocities, but then again, I'm an engineer and don't get out on the 'front lines' all that much...

Seeing how other people live and the conditions that they grow up in sure does help me appreciate our country and way of life... but deploying hasn't really made any difference with my W other than I appreciate her more because of the long periods of separation.

I know that if my W and I were still going through the very early stages of dealing with an A, that these deployments would be much harder.

Semper Fi,
RIF

Hi all,

I'm sorry to hear that you're sick, AW, thats no fun at all. It often happens, doesn't it, that after a really stressful time when you've been running on adrenaline for a while, you kind of crash and get sick. Oh well, nothing for it but hot lemon and honey, vitamin c, resting, chocolate (well that last one's what I use...)
Also I guess that your being sick and not hearing yet from Aussie are the reasons for feeling down - thats understandable. What about getting a massage, or some other form of pampering?

I meant to thank you, RIF, for that book recommendation, Torn Asunder. H has agreed to us going through the book together - ie he won't read it, but he's happy for me to read it and explain it to him and then us talk about it. Its an improvement! The downsides are that he's still not affectionate, doesn't want SF, and says he doesn't feel love for me. On the other hand he is happy for us to make future plans about moving back home to oz together in a month or so. It seems that he doesn't want to leave me, and is possibly taking baby steps (on my encouragement) towards repairing our R, but no real initiative from him either way. I'm really hoping that the book will prove a catalyst for some change, because I'm sooo tired and feeling totally on my own in this!

all the best and thanks again RIF for the insight!

Well guys it’s a new day here, still feeling nausea, congested nose, can’t eat too much in the morning or I puke, and I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck, BUT I don’t feel too down or anything….mood swings I guess along with the cold or viral infection whatever.

Son due home tomorrow, his emails home have been good, he says the boat, oops smack on the hand , SHIP, (boat = subs), is real ‘sick’ and that hanging off the side of the helo on rescue training is even ‘sicker’. sick = like great or fantastic apparently - get with it mom.
His description of rope drops from the helo sends me into nervous nail biting and when he says he is now thinking of doing the Para course when he’s 18 I’m a big jelly mess sitting in front of the PC.
Yes that’s right my son go be an over achiever and turn moms hair grey. Mom can only take so many things at once guys.

Daughter and her young man spend hours on the phone about twice a week, he getting ready to graduate from Duntroon - Australia’s WestPoint- in Feb or March & then expects to be deployed to Timor, Afghanistan or Iraq…or wherever else we are by then.
I’ve decided to support her decision whatever it is, I just have to trust she knows what she is in for because if your mans in the Army so are you. I think M is out of the equation right now they seem to be talking about seeing how they live with each other first. Mmmmmm
Who gets the short straw explaining that one to Dad????

She’s starting to wonder why Dad hasn’t contacted us yet and shows signs of worry. I’m trying to not show much concern when she is around & keeping all my fears for late at night. We don’t need two moaning women around here do we?

Had a good long think about your post TMCM and sort of hope you have it right. I know he had a lot of trouble with PTSD after the last tour because they spent so long in Afghanistan. I’m not supposed to know but I am aware he was there before the invasion , that was a long separation & I suspect not very pleasant, he looked like some sort of scarecrow and it seemed that if it could be caught he had got it. He has not said so but I think he was pretty lucky to have recovered as every time I wanted to talk about it he has avoided the issue which is a good sign with him that I’m right.
Dealing with the PTSD was very confronting for us all. There was a lot of strange behaviour - well frightening would be more truthful - and I think my response to some of it started me on the track to the A. I ignored what the family support groups recommended as I just knew I had it all under control….. Pretty damn stupid hey.

Well we - the kids & I - are a lot better prepared now and I have been reading and talking with the IC/MC about PTSD and feel confident I know where & when to get help if required. Of course I’m hoping we won’t need it but from what I hear from Yank wives on Mil.com , it seems worse if anything with H who were in actual fighting.
Well lets not worry about things which may not happen. I pray a lot lately and keep the jnl for him with a lot of very personal comments just for him. See I’m blathering too much again. Sorry.
Back to washing, ironing & cleaning…… how exciting…not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

RIF, just remembered to ask, do you have any date on your leave yet???

Smur

hi there, I just caught your post and it is so good to see your H is willing to listen at least. That seems a good step. A small one but perhaps an important one.
That he is still planning on a 'us' for the future with you is also a good sign and perhaps its a matter of time and some good chapters from Torn Asunder.

Smur on the SF matter, Aussie didn't want any SF with me either for a while. In fact he could not stand for me to even touch him. it took a lot of time and some very nervous & hesitant approaches from me , most of which were rejected, before that changed.
Not sure you can hurry it.
Perhaps if he will let you just hold him that may be a good start.

Hope things will improve a lot especially with you coming home. Maybe it can be a new start.
I am certainly hoping for you.

Hi AW,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Had a good long think about your post TMCM and sort of hope you have it right. I know he had a lot of trouble with PTSD after the last tour because they spent so long in Afghanistan.... ...There was a lot of strange behaviour - well frightening would be more truthful - and I think my response to some of it started me on the track to the A. I ignored what the family support groups recommended as I just knew I had it all under control….. Pretty damn stupid hey. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've not encountered any PTSD in any of my deployemnts, but as I said before, I'm an engineer and don't get out and hunt down bad guys... But, just being away from home will cause stress on a M... That's why I mentioned keeping a journal for Aussie... Your journal will give Aussie a glimps of what you've been going through and how far you've come while you've both been apart. IMHO, it will help ease his mind and put to rest any fears that he might have not dealt with while he was deployed.

IMHO, the key is communication... and being very clear about YOUR expectations (just as Aussie needs to be clear about HIS expectations when he returns). You seem to be doing great... I hope you can knock your cold out soon and get to feeling better!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> RIF, just remembered to ask, do you have any date on your leave yet??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, thanks for asking! I've got my R&R date and will fly home in two weeks! I'm starting to get excited... I've been away from home since the end of February... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Our 18th anniversary is on the 16th of December and I should just make it home in time to celebrate with my W and daughters...

Semper Fi,
RIF

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 05:24 AM: Message edited by: RIF ]</small>

AW,

I think you wrote that Aussie was in the OZ Regiment of the SAS. (For you fellow Yanks who are civilians, the SAS is something like our Green Berets.) If he is, he is more than likely out in the bush and not near any facilities for outside communications. That might be why you haven't heard from him.

I am sure he is thinking of you and longs to be home with his family. After all, what else is he fighting for? I wish you all the best.