Hey AW,

Congratulations!!!
Wow.... i can imagine it must be a really confusing time for you right now, with so much going on. Well, please, just enjoy it if you can. Maybe now is not the time to be trying to ask the big questions about the whys of your A, just to be trying to be kind to yourself! It sounds like you need all your energy and strength !!

I am happy for you and Aussie, I agree with Myrta, this is definitely all for the best!

Hi AW.
Wow ..... God really does work in mysterious ways.
Hope you have a trouble free pregnancy & the morning sickness doesn't stay with you for long. When I was pregnant, I was sick for 9 months of each pregnancy Yuck!
I say a little prayer for Aussie often & hope he is OK as all the other guys over on active service.
Take care
Eyesopened <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi AW,

Just wanted to see how things are going... hope you're feeling better!

AW,

First of all congratulations and I truely mean it. I think your Mom and Sis set you up personally. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But, hey it is pretty cool.

I thought however I might offer you something to consider. I am sure that Aussie will be very happy to hear the news...once he gets used to it. But, AW don't be surprised if at first he is not thrilled. There are two reasons: one is the "your what?" factor. Been there done that myself. The other will be concerns that it is not his. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Actually, this is a concern that goes through many men's minds when first confronted with news of this type, even if they do know about the "birds and the bees" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Second, you two are still healing so he is like to be more sensitive to this.

I am saying all of this so that you don't let this get to you when you tell him this wonderful news. He will come around and I am betting he will love this little critter. Just realize that it will be a shock and it will unsettle him abit. OK?

Oh! and by the way my W was a lot like you with our last one. Couldn't figure out why the "flu" didn't seem to go away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Surprisingly, I was the one that suspected. She was 36 so not much younger than you and I was 42. Kids at this age wear on you in ways, but are actually more fun as well because you and Aussie will see things much differently than when you were youngsters.

You ARE, by the way, still youngsters and this child will see to it that you STAY that way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Congratulations and God Bless,

JL

JL

you must be a mind reader. I have been quietly going over and over in my mind exactly that issue.

I really did not know how to broach it with anyone.

I had a feeling that the first thing he will say to me after I tell him is ‘who’s is it?’ If he does not say it he’ll probably think it.
How do I handle something like that? I mean the medical facts are clear but it’s his emotional reactions I think I’ll have trouble with.
My first thought is to run, I just feel unable to handle that sort of thing right now.

As I have said I am so confused about all of this. Both happy and apprehensive. Perhaps I don’t deserve it but I want some peace. I feel sick and I feel tired and I want it to end. I just feel so overwhelmed .

AW,

As you say in your part of the world "no worries". Tell him and expect his response or understand he may think them. The good news these days is there are blood and DNA tests so fathers can actually KNOW the child is theirs if it comes to that. So ultimately convincing him of his paternity is no problem.

Now did you do it to "trap" him? He may think that. IF he does, then you need to explain as best you know how this happened. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Actually, your kids, mother and sister will ENJOY telling him about your "flu" and how clueless you were. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> So I am sure he will come to understand this. In fact, maybe your mother could be in on the discussion if possible.

HOWEVER, being a guy and believing that the best defense is a good offense. Once he is home, look him in the eye and tell him "this did not start as a trap, but Buddy I am going to make sure you EMJOY being trapped." And do it with a smile on your face. AW a good sense of humor and a good sense of human nature will carry the day for you. You know he is going to have doubts but reassure him and accept that they are there for awhile.

You already know that us guys don't really bond until the "critter" is here and we can hold them and touch them. You also know that most of us worry that we will be up to the added responsibility. But, if your kids are excited about this, your family is excited about this, and you are excited about this let it show. And...be willing to take any tests he desires if has concerns. Don't take offense at it, just realize it is a predictable response.

Your cool AW. My W loves to tell people about the "delightful shade of green" I turned when she told me she was expecting our first one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Enjoy his discomfort and accept that he might have some. You can joke with him and kid him about it for years after word. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I hope you feel better and enjoy the new one. What do your kids think? I am betting the older ones are thrilled and wondering how "old folks really do things that cause babies." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Euwwwwww!

Enjoy and God Bless,

JL

well JL

be cogitating all the things you said, swirling them around a bit and tweaking the responses in my mind to what he might say.

I guess it comes down to just having to do it doesn't it? I do so wish that it could have happened a bit further down the track though.

but life is what happens while you try to plan what to do.

Feeling so much better after getting treated for the ulcer and the Ab's seem to be helping the nasal congestion.
Got strict orders on eating, what & when, so it should get me back to a healthy weight very quickly according to the doc at the hospital.

I think I was starting to become clinically depressed, really started to have strange thoughts for a while. Perhaps the St Johns Wort is kicking in. Doesn’t look so dark & hopeless anymore.

AW,

How are you going? I'm very sorry to hear that things got crazy for you for a while there... It must be a totally confusing time with all of those hormones swirling around, re-evaluating your future plans to include a little one and I guess the same old worries about Aussie.

But its great that things are now getting back on track for you, healthwise, and as JL says, even if Aussie initially has some doubts and worries, well - you did too, and he'll come around as you did. I think having something new to focus on might help you too - I mean take your mind off worries about Aussie's work - what do you think?

I can sort of imagine what it might feel like, because I had some crazy thoughts about getting pregnant as a kind of 'solution' to our R problems for H and me a few months ago, when things sort of reached rock bottom. I think I wrote it on your last thread. Then I actually thought I was pregnant for a few days, and instead of being happy I panicked.
I know your situation is different because your pregnancy was completely unplanned and unexpected, and also because you and Aussie are much further along in your recovery than H and me were. As RAG said, I think for you and Aussie, once he gets over his initial reaction, it will be a new beginning and something that will be very exciting for both of you.

I'm going fine these days, especially since i have only a few more weeks left here. Its funny that now I am almost ready to leave, I am starting to appreciate what a fascinating country Japan is and what things I like about here... Its always the way... But on the other hand, I can't wait to see a real beach and some bush again, not to mention just spending time with my family, watching the cricket, eating mangoes... all that summer stuff.
About H and me, I feel a bit more optimistic lately that things are going to change. At the moment he is the one who organises the 'fun' things for us to do, and I am the one who makes us talk about the 'tough' things. I'm not too keen on this role, since I'm as much a natural conflict avoider as he is, and in any case, I'm not a skilled MC, and I have resentments to express as well. BUT, since it seems to be going ok at the moment between us... we'll see.

hope you're ok today

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by iinfidelity:
<strong> I want to start my business of helping educate on infidelity and provide investigative tools. Would you all give an idea of a catchy business name? You can aslo email at iinfidelity@yahoo.com
Thank You </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">****TROLL ALERT - TROLL ALERT - TROLL ALERT****

iinfidelity - This is Marriage Builders , not www.makemoneyoffotherspain.com

Go find another place to troll for business ideas. I've reported you to the moderators...

Semper Fi,
RIF

mmmmm
I'm not too sure I'd like to get help from somebody who jumps in on a thread about how a number of us are feeling right now, ,,pretty insensitive.

Yep TROLL for sure $$$$$$$$$ pls go away.

dear Smur

so sorry to not reply more quickly but I've been just falling asleep at the drop of a hat, so exhausted. I'm actually a little bit nervous about driving in the afternoons because of this.

God to be 15 years even 10 years younger right now!! lol

oh well teach me to forget taking the pill wont it?
I feel so strange going into baby stores after all these years and looking at prams, and change tables and evaluating nappy services Vs disposables!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well I can only advise not to have baby just to fix a relationship, even if it seems I have ended up a bit like that. If you want a baby have one BUT for the sake of the baby as the prime objective. I dont think thats wrong at all, a very natural longing and want for a woman, though you will need to plan for the worst R wise just in case. I guess I will have to as well.
But I know many who have and they are happy being a mommy even if the bloke did shoot through, though they are gutless for doing so in my opinion. Two to tango so two should take responsibility but I know some will shoot me down in flames for saying that! Just the way I feel about it.

I am glad to hear your H is starting to take interest in the R again, might be the time to encourage and compliment him on this for the time being. I think it could be an important step for both of you. I'm starting to feel some encouragement for both of you getting through this together.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> But I wont risk fate by saying any more, but I'm hoping so hard.

Just enjoy Japan now for the time you have left and go to as many places as possible together. It seems to me so much of all this rebuilding is a bit like dating again, you need to spend the time together to learn to trust each other a bit....I just , well, jumped that part a little bit <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Expect I'll have a few problems later on as a result but I have a good IC /MC and shes making me look at a lot things even now. I'm starting to see so much Smur of where I went wrong and it didn't just start a year or two ago but way back when little Peter died.
I really never 'resolved' that and I can see it was slowly but surely eating away at me. I have more to work on in that area and so much to make up for to Aussie.

I keep looking back and I wonder if I have been a good wife to him for these years. I was 'ok' I think but is that acceptable?? But I can learn from it at least, thats something.

I still find it hard Smur to understand how he can forgive me. It sort of leaves me stunned really. You should be able to forgive your spouse one or two really rotten things like that, but repeated occurrences over a long time?? I don’t know. Not sure I have that sort of courage. perhaps its just like RIF and ohers have said, you dont really know until you have to do it.

Well all the BS here who forgive so much just amaze me so often. It does give me hope. If they can do it I think, I pray, Aussie can do it with their help too.
I do think your H can do it to. Hes a pretty smart bloke from what you have said so its a possible scenario, maybe a probable one with luck and a book or two.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hello again AW,

Glad to hear you're going ok and still able to work towards understanding yourself better even in the midst of all of this stress. I guess stress, but there must be also some excitement.
Is it really different being pregnant now compared to 10 or 15 years ago? I am asking because I am already 31 and who knows when I will have a child, so I don't like the thought that I've already left it late! I agree about children absolutely needing 2 parents... this is the main reason I am going to wait and see with H, so if and when things are going better we will POJA about it.

It must be a real eye opener to see that you've been dealing with issues going back to so long ago. Peter's death must have been incredibly difficult for the two of you. I see what you're saying about admiring the BSs on here who cope with and recover from and can even forgive their spouses for infidelity... I am in awe too sometimes... but coping with and recovering from the death of a child must be at least as hard. A huge life changing experience.

Its strange that we are capable of going on with life and not fully dealing with traumatic issues, without even realising it.

I guess that is what I have been thinking about lately, because I am sort of thinking that H seems to want to stay with me, is being really nice to me right now and we are doing fun things together.
I am happy about it, but I still have a great need to talk things through properly. Even though it stirs up bad memories, H gets angry/hurt again, I feel terribly guilty, also sometimes angry again etc, and all in all its really hard and not much fun.
My IC's idea was that its necessary to get to the bottom of all issues before my trust in him can be rebuilt (not only his trust in me). I didn't think about there being a trust issue for me, but its true. I can't yet trust that he's not still harbouring a lot of resentment that he's planning to use against me someday. Also I want to talk about how our R got into some patterns that weren't healthy for either of us, IMO, and how we avoid them in the future. H and I are talking about some of this. Hopefully we will continue...

Hey AW,

Any news about Aussie coming home for Christmas?

How are you feeling?

I don't know, all of this talk about babies... I know I have to be sensible and think about the future and my relationship. A lack of good sense was what (amongst other things!) got me where I am now! But some days I just think... I want a baby too!
Hmmm.....back in the real world...

Hope things are good with you today!

<small>[ December 08, 2004, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: smur ]</small>

Hi smur

been so vague and fuzzy headed I seem to forget to drop in here nad read as I should.

Some good news is that we should know when Aussie is back this week, wont get much warning all is being kept very low keyed so a phone call and then I go pick him up.

But wont feel easy until I have him right here.

Now baby time..have I started a trend do you think??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
not unusual to want a baby you know. Just have a litle bit of patience and he 'll come around and then you can start discussing the baby production line...hehe twins/triplets run in your family at all??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But will it change your life or what!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

AW - you trendsetter you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

seriously, we are in a place at the moment where I can almost imagine having that conversation with H... amazing, and unthinkable even a month ago...
This recovery thing might be kinda sorta working ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey, thats great news about Aussie, back home just in time for the summer barbie, beach, christmas and cricket season!

Some time off together might be just what you two need, hey? I hope his homecoming and him hearing the big news goes really, really well.

Hi AW,
Great to see that Aussie could be home soon. Have you heard from him at all yet?
Have you told you children that they are going to have a new brother/sister yet & how did they take it if you have, or are you waiting to tell Aussie first?
If you feel tired then have a kip. I think that your baby will sleep lots if you have lots of rest yourself during the pregnancy.
How's the morning sickness these days?
Take care
Eyesopened.

Hi smur & EO

BIG trend setter LMAO..........heh heh heh

Wow smur that is just so great that you can see some light at the end of a long tunnel, it must feel wonderful to see it there.
Well you cant hurry it unfortunately wish I had that damn magic wand to wave around. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well I'd like to see twins please, you need to catch up heh heh heh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

EO have I have been needing those sleeps, its like a truck has hit me after being up for a few hours and I really didn't look after myself for a little while.

But all is back on track and smur & Eo guess what??
I have to pick up Aussie tonight at 12.30!!! isn’t that great. He’s home & he safe!!
I could just about burst , well maybe puke a bit anyway because when I get excited I start getting sick, ain't it fun to be a PG woman?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> LOL

Just you wait smur heh heh

So getting ready, not sure when I'll tell him about the baby.
Son is away at Army camp for another week, back for Xmas & New Year then back to camp for 8 weeks.
Daughter is ecstatic that Daddy is home & safe and says she will keep quiet about the baby until I tell him..... though if its not that welcome I might be looking for a room to rent, but I suppose that’s only my own fears I don’t think he’s run from anything in his life.
But anyway to bad so sad its his and he is stuck with the baby anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

But in a lot more serious tone I'm not sure what I will find with him after this last tour, they tell us to expect a real doosy of a time after what they went through so I guess we'll see.

Ok better start getting ready and going, I let you know how it went and all.
When I can

Fantastic news AW. By now you have Aussie back home. My thoughts are with you both. I hate what these wars do to our fellow humans, on both sides. I can only hope that Aussie is not too bad & that the news of the baby will help him. Hope you are having fun. I understand your worries, but you have to bit the bullet & just tell him.
Take care
Eyes Opened
H 52 Me 49 DD 24 DS 22
What you think you create, What you feel you attract, What you imagine you become.

Hey AW,

thats wonderful news!

Hope he's ok and we're thinking of you!

bump