I posted once before, but did not tell my story. I am not married, but have been with my boyfriend 10 years and lived together for 6. We have a 5year old son together and I have a son from a previous marriage and him a daughter. Like any couple we have had our good and bad times. But since March of this year things have been really bad, he finally moved out on 9/2/04 and it was really hard for him to do, I begged him to stay. Well I had a feeling that he was having an A, so I looked at his cell phone and got some numbers I called this girl and she promised that nothing was going on. I confronted him and he denyed it, I still was not convinced, I started looking into his credit card bills that when I confirmed what I thought, he denyed and said the bank made a mistake that happend on 9/26, I went online and started following his credit card trail, there was nothing there, so Saturday 11/20, I looked at another credit card bill found some charges to hotels, I confronted him and he denyed, so yesterday I called the motel and confirmed that he was there. I made him come over last night and he still sat there and tried to deny, I told him that I would call the hotel, that is when he gave in and admitted to talking to someone,(different girl) he said there was no s involved. She lives like 8 hours away so they met half way, that is the reason for the hotel, he says that he couldn't get me off his mind, he knew how much he was hurting me.He does spend at least 5 days or more a week with us, so that is why it was hard to catch him. He is living with parents right now, so it's hard for him to do anything because his mom is watching him. She has been very supportive to me. We had a good talk last night , he said this started after he moved out, and that he never was with anyone well we lived together and he did say he ended it, he says that he can't start another relationship when he's not done with ours yet, I want believe him so bad, there is more to my story but I will be here forever. I hurt so bad, I have been going to a counselor for a few months. I just want the pain to go away.

Hi, sorry you have reason to be here. But I hope you'll find support and some help.

If your husband is truly in an affair that started months ago (when his behavior began changing), and if the OW truly lives 8 hours away, then how did they meet? The internet? Work?

I am just trying to say that if it truly has been a long-distance relationship for several months, what you are dealing with is an emotional affair. However, I don't buy the bit about no physical contact when they met at the motel. What, she got her own room? They parted ways at her door with a handshake and a peck? Puh-lease.

When your gut-meter goes off in the early days, it is often right. So be on your guard. Also know, though, that if the affair has become physical it is very typical for the wayward partner to deny, deny, deny.

Read everything you can on this site and learn as much as possible. Surviving an Affair by Harley and After the Affair by Abrams-Spring are both good books to start out with. If your WP starts with the "we're just friends" routine, then make a dash to the bookstore and pick up NOT JUST FRIENDS by Shirley Glass.

Keep posting. Help is on the way.

~ Snow