Hi, i am very new and never in my worst nightmare did i think i would be saying these things but here we go. My husband is in Iraq right now, he has been there for the past 11 months. I just found out by the other woman that my husband and her had a brief affair which resulted in a child. I had no idea but this person had already had the child and my husband has known about this for the past 10 months. I am so devasted becasue he never told me. We have a 4 year old daughter that he adores. What is hard for me to believe is that when he is home with us, he is the most loving man, wonderful husband and treats me like a queen and he makes me feel beautiful. He had only been away from home less than a month when the affair began. He came home on R&R for two weeks and never told me. The other woman decided she wanted child support and says she knew my husband would ever tell me so she was doing me a favor. Of course he ssays the typical things like it was just sex, he was never looking for someone to replace me and that he wants our family. I am torn because he is still in Iraq and I still love him very much and truely believe he loves us. But how can i deal with all of this and the fact that there is a child. Please help. PLease Help. PLease help.Please help.

I'm so sorry you're here downandout...
please jump over to the preg/child board, there are so many wise folks over there that can help you out.

You'll find lots of love and support here...hang in there...I'm sorry for your pain.

I hate to have to welcome new members to the Infidelity Forums but since you have a need to be here, you have found a GREAT place. Lots of wonderful, knowledgable people here in very similar sitauations.

I know you're hurting real bad right now and your world has turned upside down. But I want you to take a deep breath, wipe your tears and start to read.

Start with the link General Welcome for All New Builders This link will get you familiar with the Marriage Builders forums, concepts and principles and give you lots of information that you'll need to understand some of the responses you may get. Also, when you do get responses to your post, reply back to them. Answer their questions or just thank them for taking the time to reply to you. The communication back and forth allows posters to get to know you and to know that you at least read what they had to say and perhaps considered their suggestions.

Also, I agree with betrayedinjersey. Check out the Pregnancy/Child Forum and post there. The posters on that forum are dealing with the additional complication of a child as a result of the affair. There is a wealth of information on that forum for your exact situation. Unfortunately you will realize there are many members here having to deal with the same circumstances as you.

Ok? Start reading.

And most important...know you are not alone... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Downandout34,

Well, being a military wife, I can understand your frustrations with your H being gone when there is something major happening in your life, let alone your M! This is something that you CAN survive, and you can repair the damage, even with your H in Iraq. I, too, invite you to post on the Pregnancy/Child board. My H and I have an OC, but I was the one to have the baby. But, my H has had A's and I know exactly what that feels like!

What have you read from this site? Have you recieved any counseling? Being in the military, have you thought about using the chaplains? See what you CAN do, even while your H is gone!

Again, come on over to the P/C board, there are many other BW's over there who are willing and able to help you!

Tigger

Come over to the Child and Pregnancy Side, we can help you.