I have been married for 10 years. I committed A during the past 1 year. My H discovered the affair and was determined to make our marriage work. I was and am committed to making this work. My H told me he had met someone after finding this out. This person filled the insecurity he felt. This lasted for 4 months. I discovered later it lasted longer than that. When I discussed this he continued to deny the extension of the relationship. I continued to ask him questions and he finally told me everything.

This was an E affair, as told by him.

He wants me to understand and continue to work on our marriage.
I am working very hard to mend this marriage.

I am fearful all has been lost.

it is way to early to feel all may be lost. you have come to the right place for support and encouragement. anyway it sounds promising to me if you are both willing to try to work it out. have you been to mc? good luck and keep your chin up,it is a long road. there are many on this site that can help you more than me, as i am fairly new at this myself. listen to them, they will help you.

WFTSTCO,
Are you familiar with any of the Marriage Builder (MB) concepts? As a first step completely research this web site and especially the infidelity links. Once you do this you will know a little bit about the basics that cause affairs, a very good start.

What you don’t say in your post is where you are each at now. Are you having meaningful conversations? Is there any contact with the “other man” (OM) or “other woman” (OW)? I would think it would be very difficult to repair your damage if there is ANY contact with the OM or OW. If you say there is no contact, how do you know? I imagine that it is very difficult for either of you to be totally forthcoming with each other regarding your A's, but I would suggest that it is a necessary step that needs to be taken. Read the MB concept of “radical honesty”, it is good stuff that has worked for me.

I am interested to know both yours and your H’s view regarding his A as a reaction to your A.

Besides reading the information in this website please consider finding a good PRO-marriage counselor. A good MC will help layout a plan for each of you that best insures your mutual welfare and healthy continuation of your marriage and I, my friend, am NO marriage counselor.

As you research this website and the discussion forums you will find many examples of couples who have not only survived an affair but have renewed their commitments to each other with a stronger more loving marriage then before the affair. I hope that you each work hard to be in that group.

Mr. G

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. I have researched this webiste as suggested. It is giving me a great deal of support and information. I have learned by accident, there was another EA. This is something my H did not tell me about.

I have had no contact with the OM since the discovery of the affair. I eneded it and started working on my marriage. My H has had contact with the OW.

When my H told me of the relationship the first time I was upset, because his actions during that period was one of trying hard to work through this. When I asked about the new information I had, he was upset and continued to let me know it was nothing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .

I am not sure what to do with the other information I have?

Welcome Sunny!

Very tough situation going on here but this doesn't mean that this cannot get resolved if the two of you are wllinng to be vulnerable again.

Are any of youin any type of counceling?

From what I can gather from experience is that your H. was in a fog when he wanted to work on the marriage. That might be his true heart felt intensions at the time. I said that too. I wanted my husband back and felt a "competition" going on.
I felt lost and lost my identity as to what I thought I was worth to my husband. I thought about having a Revenge Affair. I felt to lost and worthless to him that I wanted to feel loved and admired again. I still wanted my marriage. But I felt alone and betrayed. I felt that my marriage will never have that trust again. But at the time of D-day, the emotions are like a roller coaster. It can be overwhelming a lot of the times.
I will have to finish this post as my kids are needing me right now.

Ali~

My BH has expressed many times how worthless he has felt. I am working very hard to make sure he understands how much I value him.

What I am concerned about is he feels the radical honesty only applies to me and what I have done
and doesn't with him in this case.

I need to understand how to work through this.

That's part of the consequences of having EMA. Lemme ask you this... how would you feel if your H had an affair after having found out about yours? Wouldn't you be the more understanding one since you've been at that point?

Thanks for the comments. Please understand I do understand what brought him to have an EA. The only thing I wanted was the truth and couldn't understand why the truth applied to me and not to him. I knew if we didn't discuss the situation it would only be buried, to come out at a later date. i knew that is one of the things that brought me to where I was. I didn't want that to happen again. I want things to be discussed openly. My goal is not to condem but to build.